


The Curious Theory of Kissing

by suppakei



Category: Mewgulf
Genre: Boy's Love, High School, M/M, MewGulf - Freeform, Romance, Smut, TharnType, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suppakei/pseuds/suppakei
Summary: Gulf belongs to the smartest class. His past time includes reading journals that prove mathematical theories and sciences that will develop the future. However, he can't seem to wrap his head around one basic human interaction. Kissing.Gulf Kanawut is 17. 180 cm.  A salutatorian candidate and... he doesn't know how to kiss.Apparently, the only way around this dilemma is through experience.And rumor has it that Mew Suppasit is an expert.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 123
Kudos: 433





	1. Caught Red Handed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first time in AO3.
> 
> It took me a while to understand how AO3 works. So I had a few mistakes in posting a while back.
> 
> This is also the first fanfic I'm doing after 4 long years. 
> 
> This is inspired by Gulf's appearance in "The Secret Theory of Kissing." I couldn't think of any title so please forgive my lack of creativity.
> 
> Hope you have a good time reading. Enjoy!
> 
> *also available in wattpad.*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone was caught red-handed.

My heart was pounding and I couldn't think straight. I was never one to take risks because I have that kind of personality that would automatically reduce the success rate of a winning situation to a zero. But today is different. I decided to take a risk not because I feel like I could succeed this time but because I was afraid of losing her.

She pulls me inside the cubicle and then she shuts the door. I've never been in this kind of situation before but I believe the man usually takes the lead. I didn't want my masculinity to completely go down the drain so I pushed her towards the wall with a force I've never used on a girl before. She scoffed but she also bit her lips. It could be that we're in a small toilet cubicle that could barely fit two people but this is the first time my body heated up this fast.

I slowly removed her blazer but she was always the impatient kind. Her blazer dropped on the floor as she pushed me back and held her face close to mine. It was happening, I think my heart would break free from my rib cage. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for. Her lips were pressed on mine. I was feeling her soft, small lips. Finally I-

"Are you fucking serious?!" My tightly shut eyes opened at once. She was beyond furious. I know this because her nose is flared up and her eyes are shooting daggers.

"You close your eyes and mouth like you don't want to kiss me! What kind of sick joke is this?!" 

"Praew, I'm just nervous. Don't take it the wrong way." She looks at me in disbelief. She picks up her clothes and harshly opens the door.

"You can't even kiss me! So what's the point of all this?!" 

"Wait! Praew, I love you please-" The door shuts on my face before I could finish my apology.

"Well, you don't see that every day." I turned around in panic.

I'm sure we were alone. I carefully observed the times that this particular toilet was empty. This toilet is located beside the science classroom. A classroom that is specifically placed on a floor above the regular classes because we use the laboratories more. Our class is also dismissed thirty minutes after everyone else. So technically, this toilet should be empty during this time because the janitor cleans it 10 minutes before our class ends. But now I'm staring at this guy who didn't even bother holding his laughter.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Um... to take a leak." He looked at me like it was a dumb question.

"You can't go here. Your toilet is downstairs. This is for the science class."

"Well, I don't see 'for science class only' written anywhere. So this is basically free for all." I didn't want to argue about which class should use what toilet but I just wanted the ruggedly dressed man to leave me alone.

"Why are you even still in school? Didn't your class finish half an hour ago?"

"I was graciously called in the teacher's lounge for-" 

"Because you're in trouble. You probably did something stupid." I whispered the last sentence.

I knew it. He couldn't even wear his uniform correctly plus his overly pierced ears gives it away. He's someone who likes to cause trouble. 

His mood changed. He has his one eyebrow raised as he walked towards me. We were the same height but he definitely has a bigger built than me. I had to lean back.

"I see you like judging strangers. Well Mr. Virgin of the science class who doesn't know the simple act of kissing a girl, do you think you won't get in trouble for attempting something so obscene in a school toilet?" He gave me the up and down look. I started to feel uncomfortable as he closes the distance between us.

"Even though you terribly failed." He laughed at me again. In a condescending way. But I chose to push him away rather than punching his smug face.

"You don't have any proof!"

"You sure about that?" He waved his phone in my face.

"You asshole! Give me that!" I tried grabbing his phone. This is not happening. Not in my senior year.

"Excuse me? Aren't you kids suppose to be on your way home?" 

"Sir!" I stood up straight and tried my best to stay calm. At the same time, I was also quietly praying that this man next to me isn't a douche and spill what just happened. 

"Yes Sir, I was actually leaving. Excuse me." He casually says and politely made his way out. Is he running away with the evidence?!

"Hey-"

"By the way Mr. Kanawut, about your research proposal..." I don't really mind staying late in school while discussing academics, but this is just bad timing. I don't like where this is going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was only planning to do a one-shot. But then the story started developing in my head. Expect 5-6 chapters ☺️
> 
> How was it?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	2. The Sudden Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was an agreement that changed his life.

"Dude wake up."

"Huh?"

"You and Praew..." I dropped my spoon in panic. Mild was holding his phone with his brows furrowed. His face expressed disbelief and my mind is starting to overthink. Is this the end of my high school life? Have I been studying so hard just to be the center of humiliation and scandal? Did I insult that guy so much that he had to take revenge on me in an unfair manner?

"That's not us on the video! How could she even be in the boy's toilet?! That's probably somebody else. Just don't believe anything you see Mild! Don't be so naive and -"

"What video?" I suddenly felt so stupid.

"Wh- What were you talking about?"

"Praew tweeted that she's so done with everything and she deserves better. Did you guys fight?" I grabbed his phone and scrolled through the comments on her tweet. They were all words of concern. I am responsible for making her feel this way. Just because of a stupid kiss I couldn't see through, I've hurt the most important person to me right now. 

"But I want to go back to the video. What toilet?" He took a bite of my lunch and was looking at me with anticipation. I knew if I didn't tell Mild about what happened, he will do his own investigation. The problem with this is he has so many friends. He can ask anyone about anything and that blabbermouth of his could blow up the whole situation and even change the story entirely because of passed on words. Plus, he is annoyingly dense. 

"I tried doing with Praew. Stupidly, I agreed to the idea that we should do it here."

"Here in school?!" he caused silence in a noisy crowded canteen. I shouldn't be even surprised but sometimes his lack of self-awareness will get us in trouble. I pushed his head down to shut him up and reflect on his actions.

"She said it was hot okay! And besides, I had to make up for not showing up on our date last week."

"Didn't think you were kinky! So did you do it?" 

"No. I messed up." _Big time._

"Please elaborate." I glared at him. Partly because I know he won't stop asking questions but also because I'm embarrassed.

"I couldn't kiss her..." His eyes widened and I had to cover his mouth just in case he shouts again.

"Before you judge me, let me explain. I love her very much but I don't know why I couldn't kiss her. Our lips pressed together but somehow I couldn't get myself to move. Like my body doesn't know how to function at all." Concerned eyes looked at me while I was getting rid of the embarrassing feeling.

"Poor you, you can't do a french kiss. You probably wouldn't be able to do tongue too." If Mild wasn't my childhood friend, I wouldn't want to be associated with him.

"Still doesn't explain the video part." I took a big breath before ranting for five minutes. I didn't know why, but he rubs me the wrong way. I didn't like how he talked to me. I didn't like how he looked at me. But most importantly I don't like how he mocked me. 

"Holy shit! Are you talking about Mew Suppasit?" 

"You know him?"

"What? You don't know him? He's in my class. Dude has got a reputation. I can't believe you messed with him."

"Hey! He was the one who messed with me first!"

Mild still couldn't believe that I didn't know that guy. I don't care for school gossips and honestly, even if I had time to actually listen to every petty gossip, I would choose not to. I don't see why people are so entertained about other people's lives. If they invested that time and energy in studying something important, then half of the school would be displaying above-average grades. 

However, I'm making an exception. Just once. 

Apparently, Mew Suppasit is a new student who abruptly came to our school in the middle of junior year. There were all kinds of stories surrounding the reason why he transferred schools. But the death of one student always come up in the discussion. Some say he was the reason why the tragedy happened but others believe he was wrongfully blamed.

"But you know what, despite that people still go crazy for that guy. And not just this school, he hangs out with everyone." he made an emphasis on the word 'everyone' to make me understand what kind of player that guy is.

"Hey, you know what? Why don't you ask him to teach you how to kiss? Didn't you always say trust the experts?" I couldn't help but smack his head to knock some sense in him. 

"This is why you're in danger of not graduating this year! You always make stupid suggestions!"

x

It's almost time to go back to class but I still haven't seen her. I was being ignored. No phone calls, no messages. And so I thought the only way I could get through her is to see her personally.

Praew isn't a hard girl to please. Taking her out at her favorite restaurant and buying her favorite things usually seals the deal. But this time, I'm afraid of losing her entirely. She isn't perfect. In fact, she has a reputation too. She is very picky with her friends and could come off as mean to everyone else. She hates it when things don't go her way because she has a bad temper. Some even say she has a superiority complex. I'm not blind. I could see all of these but they don't know her as I do. I've seen her trauma, she saw mine. We share a different bond.

I search for her and finally find her at her locker. I'm not possessive towards her. At one point we even agreed that we can't be jealous of friends. She liked her freedom and I understood. But watching an attractive man I haven't met personally, standing close as she smiles was not a good feeling.

As I approached them, the man looks at me like he was teasing then he says goodbye before I could reach them. I wanted to demand answers from her but I didn't want to cause more misunderstanding. 

"Why haven't you answered my calls?" She didn't answer.

"I'm sorry I made you feel unwanted but that is not the case." 

"We've been together for almost a year and you couldn't even express your love." I didn't know what she meant. Was I not showing enough?

"I have needs Gulf! Physical needs! Like a normal fucking person!" I placed my hand on her shoulders to calm her down. 

"I won't be waiting for you that long. Get your shit together." Her words did hurt but I need to do my part.

x

I never thought I would want a subject to end in a hurry just to go to the library. And the book that I'm so desperate to look for is not even a book on academics.

I could remember Mild's enthusiastic face when he was recommending books about kissing. He may have bad grades but Mild is a reader. Not of any books relating to math, science, or history but of fictional stories. 

"This book is very popular with the girls I know and they say it's effective. Unfortunately, I wouldn't know that because I don't need no book." He winks and I feel my skin crawl. 

This could go down as one of the dumbest things I've done. But I have to muster it all up. I didn't even dare to ask the librarian where to locate the book. She probably wouldn't even care why I asked but my brain says otherwise. I immediately turned to the self-help books. I was repeating the title in my head as I scanned the books from each shelf. 

"The Theory of Kissing." I grabbed the book and saw signs of wear. When I opened it, the first thing that appeared was a largely drawn lip with the words KISS ME written in blood-red just above it. 

_If you couldn't kiss a piece of paper._

_How do you expect to kiss a real person?_

_Toughen up!_

_This is only a test._

The side note on the bottom of the page was probably written for fun. Something silly doesn't normally affect me. For all I know the author wrote this just to see how many foolish readers would actually do the 'test'. But I did the stupid test anyway. I want to trust the process even if I might look like a weirdo when someone sees m-

"You're really full of surprises aren't you?" I felt like the awkwardness of the situation would swallow me up. 

I slowly straightened my back and closed the book. I hate when he just stands there with taunting eyes.

"What? Are you stalking me now?" I kept my voice low.

"Do all members of the science class assume that every part of this school is theirs? Or is it just you?" I wanted to reply that he doesn't look smart enough to step in a library but I held my tongue because I didn't want to make petty remarks I didn't mean just to win an argument. 

"Isn't that just a sophisticated title for 'How to kiss for dummies?'" I was flustered. How can he easily talk to a stranger like that? Doesn't he understand that embarrassing a person he just met is not a socially accepted action?

"You know, they say that the best way to learn is through experience." He comes closer, only leaving a few inches between us. I'm not used to talking with people at eye level because I'm taller than an average high school student. But this time it's different. With him, I could easily see his dark brown eyes, his high nose, and his moist lips. He's making sure I can't look away.

"Do you want a private lesson?" He whispered in my sensitive ear. I could feel the temperature rising. I know it's kinda weird to be thinking of Mild at this point but his words echoed in my head. _Why don't you ask him to teach you how to kiss?_

"Fine." I blurted out. He stepped back while his lips slowly parted. I let out a heavy breath. At least now we're not as close.

"You got a problem with kissing a boy or something?" He didn't speak.

"I heard you 'hang out' with people a lot. And I'm sure you're also implying that you're some kind of expert on this." I never wanted a very quick response from a person this bad. How much longer should I feel mortified?

"You-You're serious?" 

"Fine. Forget what I said." I turned around at an instance but he quickly grabbed my arm. He laughed softly.

"Do you know what you're getting into?" I didn't understand.

"Yeah. Plus, you're not doing this for free. How much do you want?"

"I don't need your money."

"I guess you're the tummy more than money type of guy... How about I pay for your dinner." He smiled widely. His eyes did as well.

"Sushi. After class. Then we'll talk."

And that's how I made an agreement with someone I barely even know. An agreement that will change my life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I would like to apologize for typos I made and will make over time.
> 
> I introduced a little bit of angst. I hope I can do some justice.
> 
> By the way... slight!NSFW coming up on the 3rd chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. The Science of Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all about dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. 
> 
> Or so he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight!NSFW ahead.

Why do people kiss? 

Well, our species do it mostly for pair bonding. One might just look at it as an act of love or sexual desire but it also has a lot to do with the science of our body. There are a lot of chemical reactions that are happening within ourselves which boost our hormones and eventually stimulates pleasure. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin might just be words people ignore because they are medical terms with complex meanings but the truth is this may be the whole reason why we kiss. Not because of love, not because we mean it but because it's just how our bodies work. For satisfaction and pleasure.

When I approached him the way I did in the library, it was purely for my satisfaction. I wanted to piss him off for assuming things about me when he clearly doesn't know me. My proposal was obviously not a serious one. But I guess my pheromones were the one he communicated with. Either way, I'm not going to reject the potential pleasure I could get from him. After all, someone as attractive as him could still give a level of satisfaction even if he doesn't know how to kiss.

Gulf Kanawut. He wasn't a hard person to know. After hearing his name when the toilet incident happened, I immediately found information about him in the glass cabinet located in the hallway. It showcased the academic achievements of the school. He had photos there from each year since 3 years ago. He is a senior like me. He's an achiever and most likely someone who never caused trouble. Funny how he could've easily destroyed himself because of a girl. 

But the joke is on me too.

My endeavors in shutting the voices in my head usually start by finding the right partner. I welcome anyone who suits my taste. Everyone craves human intimacy and I don't shy away from people's advancements. However, I never make the first move. Language only spoken through the eyes doesn't move me. However, approaching me will. 

I don't talk much. People don't actually listen when they are trying to hook-up with someone. Especially on a one-night stand basis. Telling your stories and them pretending to care are just part of the process that people go through to get to their goal. I choose to skip that stage and just get straight to the point. I also prefer having a cigarette than engaging in pillow talk. There is nothing to talk about because I know no one wants to get to know me on a personal level. 

I started my escapades after half a year of stopping school. There are a lot of rumors surrounding me but no one even knows that I'm almost 2 years older than everyone else. I'm pretty much entitled to my own actions but everyone just sees me as the teenage rebel who is too reckless. I guess I'm being chastised by my past. But the thing is, I want it. I want the vehement judgments towards me to be the one to take my guilt away. 

I sit on the bleachers while waiting for Gulf to finish. He told me we would meet at the school entrance after his soccer practice but I chose to watch him instead. I wanted to see if there's something I could tease him with. Like how awful he plays or how amateur his skills are. But he is playing quite well. The concentration he has was impressive. He runs with such precision and anticipates the ball with great focus. This guy is probably doing calculations in his head while playing because his predictions on where the ball would be passed were accurate most of the time. I wanted to clap for him when the game ended but it's too early to determine if we could even be friends. 

I went down and waited for him near their locker but as soon as he saw me, he quickly averted his eyes somewhere else. I guess that answers the question if we could be friends. I shrugged the thought that he doesn't want to be seen with me because I understood what it will look like for a top student meddling with a rascal. 

I did him a favor and told him I would wait for him at the backside of the school so no one would see us.

I was looking at the ground while sitting on my motorcycle when I saw two feet approaching me. It was him. Back in his tidy school uniform and big round glasses. Both his hands were on the strap of his backpack and he was pouting like a child.

"Sorry for making you walk all the way here. I thought you didn't want anyone to see us together." I told him to hop on my motorcycle but he didn't move.

"What? You haven't ridden a motorcycle before?" Silence. I couldn't help but chuckle at his reaction. 

"Kids like you are so pampered with someone always picking you up from school that you fail to enjoy actual fun things." I placed my helmet on his head and strapped it on him. Gulf was a little darker than me. His face looked smooth and taken care of. I wonder if it feels the same.

"Do you always stand this close when you're talking to someone? How about some personal space." He is stingy like I first met him but he also blushes at the same time. It balances it all out. 

"You do realize that the personal space between us would be non-existent in a few minutes right?" He hissed and sat on the ride before me. I followed.

"Where is your helmet?" I didn't have an extra. 

"Aww. Are you concerned about me?"

"I'm concerned about being stopped on the way because someone doesn't know how to follow traffic protocols," I assured him that the sushi place was near and I knew a lot of shortcuts. I also told him to be more mindful about refusing to hold on to me. I know he has another argument ready to start so I started the engine before he could talk. He held on my torso immediately. I shouldn't be surprised because it was his first time on a motorcycle. But I can't help feeling a little different. It's been so long since I had someone ride with. I wanted to see his face. Was he closing his eyes? Was he thinking of reasons to defend his actions? Was he feeling shy?

"We're here." He quickly ejects himself from me but I didn't say anything. After all, I need to create a better atmosphere between us if we're going to push through with the _lesson_.

The reason why I love Sushi Nation is you get to sit on the floor and eat on traditional Japanese low tables. The waiters also greet you in Japanese while they are in their traditional Japanese costume. 

"Eat to your heart's content." 

"You shouldn't have said that. But it's too late to go back on your word!" 

I saw instant regret in his face when I ordered 3 different sets of sushi. This wasn't to displease him or any of that nature. This is how I usually order.

"That's 30 pieces of sushi."

"I know. Want some?" He declined and proceeded to eat his pork _katsudon_. 

"We haven't officially introduced ourselves yet. I'm Gulf Kanawut."

"Mew Suppasit." I shook his hand. I believe this is the first time that he didn't have any violent reaction towards my actions. 

"So what's up with you and kissing?" he hesitated to tell me. 

"You can tell me anything. Besides, it's not like I have friends to spill your secrets with." This was a fact. No one approaches me. At least, not in a 'do you want to be my friend?' kind of way. There was only one person in my class who talked to me. But it was his nature to be talkative with everyone. 

"I haven't intimately kissed anyone before." I didn't comment. He looks at me again before continuing. 

"The incident in the bathroom was the third time I tried kissing my girlfriend. Before that, she understood and told me that she'll teach me. But I couldn't keep my lips open. It's like they instinctively shut tight when I kiss. We've been together for almost a year. I don't want it to end over this stupid problem."

I made sure that I didn't disrupt his story. He was serious and I felt bad for him. 

"You're not laughing?" 

"There is nothing to laugh about." He looked surprised by my answer. 

"But did it ever occur to you that you might be asexual?" 

"I'm pretty sure I'm not. I have my monthly schedule to you know." 

"You only jerk off once a month?" I whispered.

"No! I meant a couple of times a week!"

I placed my hand on my chest. "You scared me a bit." 

We both laughed. 

x

I opened the door for him. I didn't know why I felt nervous when I was the one who offered to start the lesson right away. 

"Um. You're really going for the minimalist look aren't you?" 

My apartment has one bean bag, one low table similar to the one in the sushi restaurant, a refrigerator, flat-screen television with gaming consoles, and one large indoor plant. I didn't have a dining table nor did I have any other furniture. My place was an open space, my bed is the corner near the window for everyone to see. My bathroom was the only thing that had partitions. Looking at it now, it did seem like I just moved in. But in my defense, no one has been in my apartment. So I never bothered decorating. 

"You're my first guest since I moved here." 

"Oh." He was getting shy again. I guess I am too.

He dropped his bag somewhere in the corner. I told him he could sit on my bed while I got him some water. 

"Thanks." He drank quickly. Probably to calm his nerves. I took his cup and placed it on the floor.

"Shall we start?" 

"Sure."

"Kiss me." His expression changed. 

"Look, I need to know where you're at. Or else I won't be able to help you." 

He squeezed his eyes shut and bolts his face on mine. I softly pushed him away from me. If this is how he kisses his girlfriend, I would totally understand why she wants to break up with him.

"Okay. First, don't close your until your inches away from my face. You didn't even know that you mostly kissed my chin, not my lips. Second, don't press your lips together that hard. Relax and purse them a little bit. That way I could feel your lips and you could feel mine. You won't feel any sensation if you do it like that." He kisses me again, still in the same manner. He was thinking too much.

I grabbed his shoulders and massaged them a little. Then I took his cold hands and warmed them up. 

"Relax. Don't think too much. You don't have to prove yourself to me. Just be at your own pace okay?" He squeezed my hand and gave it another try.

I didn't expect him to get it so quickly. He took one big breath before leaning forward. His eyes went from my eyes to my lips. Then our lips touched.

He immediately pulled away when he opened his eyes. His cheeks were flushed red and I couldn't help but feel proud. 

"Can you see the difference?" He nodded.

"Were my lips soft?" He nodded again but this time with a smile. 

"Okay do it again. But this time slightly part your lips. When you reach mine, slowly close them. You know like ice cream." He did exactly as I said. Our lips started to moisten as the tension keeps rising. Saying that I wasn't getting turned on would be a big lie. If I moved the way I wanted, I'd be unbuttoning his clothes already. His lips had a different warmth. It was comfortable, it was nice. I usually get rough when I know I'm being reciprocated but I knew I needed to treat him differently. I wanted to respect his innocence. 

Each time I asked him to do it again, his lips part wider, the kiss gets longer, and our lips get wetter. I'm doing my best to be patient. But he has to meet me halfway.

"Do you mind if I make a move?" He looks at me with confusion.

"Nothing too rough."

"Okay." 

When I removed his specs, the light reflected on his light brown almond eyes. I pulled him by the neck and his body followed. I wanted him to look me in the eye and understand that I want him. I initiated the kiss, moving my lips slowly so he can follow. My hands caressed his soft cheeks. His hands rested on my lap but his fingers started to move in a scratching motion. I took a sharp breath. There was no way to know if he was doing it intentionally or if it was just the way his body reacts. I didn't want to make assumptions so I pushed him down on my bed instead. Limiting his body movement would control my desire to go all the way with him. I had him between my legs but I was on my knees. It was not ideal to just bend over like this, but having more skin to skin contact and having our bodies rubbing with each other on the process would make it hard for me to stop. 

He clasped on my neck with his fingers going through my hair. I kept my tongue to myself. Surprising him at this point is not my intention. But whenever he pulls me closer my resistance gets weaker.

I stopped kissing him and laid down beside him. It could be the longest make out session I ever had. But I didn't say it out loud. Our chest raised up and down while we catch out breath. 

"So... Did I pass?" I scoffed.

"Yeah sure. But you've got a long way to go." 

"I know."

We stayed silent for a few more minutes. Just letting what happened sink in. There are high levels of dopamine and serotonin in the room. But let's just leave oxytocin out of the picture for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. But here it is! I did some research on this. I'm no expert in the human body. After all, I'm an engineer 😆.
> 
> How was it guys? Do you want more steamy scenes?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Wants and Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW content ahead!

My usual 8 pm schedule includes finishing all my homework, studying for next month's exam, watching the Chelsea game (if there's any), and lastly, playing RPG games on my phone till my eyes hurt. But recently there has been a disturbance in my schedule. Not only have I been telling my driver that I'll be going home alone, but I'm also arriving at the house an hour later than what I'm used to. The private lessons I'm having with Mew has been replacing my strict routine. Not that I'm complaining... but when I wished that my senior year would be unconventional and memorable, this isn't what I had in mind. 

It's midnight. I'm in my room and I couldn't sleep. So I wore my earphones. My father is barely home but you'll never know when someone is eavesdropping on the door. I took my laptop and opened an incognito browser just to be safe. I never knew typing something on the search bar could make me cringe and feel awkward. 

"How to kiss" I stared at the blinking cursor for a second. "scientifically," I added. After all, if there is a scientific way to do it, it must work.

This is no way of saying that Mew isn't doing a good job at teaching me. He is very patient and easy. He always makes sure that I relax before and after the session. Not to mention that he also knows what he is doing. But the pace seems slow. 

Coming from me, it sounds like I'm arrogantly confident in a short period of time. But time isn't on my side. The luxury of taking it slow isn't applicable. Suggesting something like 'when will you teach me how to french kiss' or 'when will you stick your tongue in me' is too vulgar for me to say out loud. Plus, he might laugh at me and tell me I'm not ready for that kind of thing yet. So I'm doing my own reading and watching. Besides, it's hard to learn something if you don't do your own research. I'm hoping I could find something I can do to show him that I'm ready for the next level. 

I browsed site after site but not everything matches the 'scientific' way that I'm looking for. However, forums that suggest tips and tricks on kissing that work in real life caught my attention. I felt like a girl reading a cosmopolitan article for the first time. Hesitant to read but definitely curious. There were many pieces of advice to choose from but I chose the ones that come up quite often. Most of them are easy to do but some are just embarrassing. I've got no choice.

I should've shut my laptop down before I felt a familiar sensation building upon the lower part of my body. I shouldn't have let my hormones take over my mind, but I did it anyway. Subconsciously, my finger started typing a website only suitable for a private browser. I don't usually browse for any category and just go for the top-rated videos but this time I decided to take a look. I didn't know that there was a category solely dedicated to kissing. I went ahead and clicked on the first video I saw. It didn't have a plot, just a woman and a man staring intensely at each other while they make themselves comfortable on the couch. As soon as they started making out, the music died down. The exchange of breath and saliva are starting to sound audible. Porn is one of the few things I don't pay too much attention to. I was never really interested in the foreplay. I go straight to the action to quickly relieve the throbbing veins under me. Maybe that's why I never really knew how to kiss. As I watch closely, I realized that a kiss makes a whole lot of difference in making someone feel good. I was trying to remember what the man was doing but as I visualize, I was getting harder. I took a deep breath and let my hand slide in my boxers. I set aside my laptop and earphones and let my imagination take control. I was pleasing myself. I wanted her to be on my mind but it keeps getting blurry. It was his voice, it was his eyes... it was his lips that I can remember. I shake my head a couple of times just to remove the image of him. I don't know why it's undoable. As each stroke gets faster and the breaths get shorter, my imagination turns wilder. In my head, it seems so real. It was his hands, not hers. I stopped changing the scene and just let it be. 

"Mew."

"Does it feel good?" my mind recreated his voice accurately that I almost believed he was here.

"Fuck." I hit the climax. 

I stared at my ceiling wondering why. Finding answers. 

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I don't know what has gotten into me. Never in my whole life did I ever imagine that I would be jerking off to the image of a man. All I could do is curse because of this foolishness. This isn't supposed to happen. 

x

I shouldn't be surprised with happened last night. It's only natural to think of him because of the physical activities we've been doing up until this point. 

_Right?_

It's how our minds work. Pure psychology. 

_Right?_

I'm not thinking straight. If I did, my maid wouldn't stop me at the door and ask why I'm still wearing my slippers going to school. 

This is just from the lack of sleep. 2 hours of sleep to be exact. 

Did I really know what I was signing up for that day in the library? Now, we've come to the point where I have my own toothbrush in his apartment. I tried my best to remove the thought that this is what couples do because I don't see it for the both of us. And besides, I only agreed to it because we don't want to be making out while tasting the sushi he ever so love. We're two very different people, living very different lives. I also have no idea who he is. He doesn't have a social media account nor does he have friends. And in this day and age, that is suspicious. I'm someone who needs to know about the person I'm with. I don't need every single detail but knowing nothing at all creates hundreds of thoughts in my head. When that happens I lose my rationality. I would rather have someone to be brutally honest with me than having someone make me guess the situation. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get to know him. It could be too early to tell but I know deep down he's a good person. I didn't expect it either but he's someone who grew up with manners. Not that I'm taking note of his small gestures but he always straps the helmet for me when I ride with him. He never fails to ask me how my day was. He opens the door at the restaurant and even at his own home for me. He always tells me when something is stuck on my face. He always asks permission. He also insists to drive me back to my house. The only reason why I'm noticing these things is not only because it's my first time experiencing them but at the same time I'm a man. Should I even be treated this way? Even my own parents don't treat me like that. I don't want to have any expectations. We're in an agreement after all. For all I know, he's treating all of his fuck buddies the same way.

"This is so stupid!" he could be even kissing them more than me. But whatever.

"Sorry, Sir?" I look at my driver who just opened my door. He was dumbfounded. 

"Nothing." 

_Praew. Praew. Praew._ I kept mumbling just to get someone off my head. Why is this happening to me? When did I become so stupid? 

"Have you taken your medications? You're talking to yourself again." And so appears the last person I wanted to see. The blood rushes up my head. I don't like how close he is.

"Are you sick?"

"Stop joking around."

"Okay, Mr. Grumpy but I'm serious. Your face is so red." He places the back of his hand on my forehead.

"I'm not a kid!" I pushed his arm and ran to my first class. 

x

The X and Ys on the board are floating. The numbers aren't making sense. My hand is constantly drawing circles. My head is not working right. 

"Mr. Kanawut?" 

"Sir?"

"I said derive this for me." Mr. Som is looking at me impatiently and the rest of the class is giving me weird looks. 

I approached the board and stared at the equation f(x) = (6x^3)(7x^4). 

I must have been staring for a long time because Tan started calling my attention quietly. 

"Dude. The product rule."

I look back at him while everyone was wondering what's taking me so long. 

"6x^3 times the derivative of 7x^4 plus 7x^4 times the derivative of 6x^3."

I cursed silently. I redeemed my stupidity by solving the problem without a calculator. It's not that I didn't know how who derive. I mean, who the hell doesn't know how to derive? It's just that I wasn't concentrating. 

"Are okay Mr. Kanawut? You don't seem like yourself." 

"I'm sorry Sir. I was up all night trying to find journals for my thesis." I know he won't see past the lies because he knows I'm capable and smart. 

When class ended some of the guys were making fun of me because the human calculator finally had a 'Math Error'. I rolled my eyes at their childishness. 

x

Mild catches me in the corridor when the bell rang. 

"Hey! I haven't seen you in a while. Been waiting for you after class but you seem to disappear!" 

"Oh. I'm just going home earlier than usual."

"But I haven't seen your car these past few days." Mild has started his interrogation. 

I found it hard to lie to Mild. Whenever I do, he just figures me out and I end up embarrassing myself. When he noticed my silence he sighed. 

"Fine. You must be embarrassed to tell me that you've been practicing using that book I recommended. Okay! No judgement here."

"For your information, I didn't read that stupid book." _I just kissed it._

"Oh, so you're practicing with someone." He makes that obnoxious face where he acts so shocked.

"Could it be that you followed my advice and asked that Mew guy for help?!" I felt immobile for a second then he started laughing.

"Wouldn't it be funny if you actually did foll- Wait. Why are your ears that red?"

"No, it's not." I covered my ears and went down the stairs. I wasn't planning on going down but I just wanted Mild off my back. 

"Gulf you know very well that I can sense when you're lying right?" He chases me down, trying to get ahead of me.

"Oh my god. You're not telling me something! Did you actually ask him?!" He was almost shouting. He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. I wanted to tell him how dangerous it was walking down the stairs backward but maybe if he trips he'll stop asking.

"Gulf!"

"Shh!" I pulled him back when I thought I saw a familiar silhouette. I had to take a closer look.

"Gulf, that's..." 

It was Praew. She was with that man again. She was batting her eyes as she smiled. He grabbed her waist to pull her close but she quickly pushed him away. 

"You know that's a no-no." she laughed.

"Not for long." 

"What do you mean?" I showed myself. My hands are clenched into a fist. 

The stunned look on the man's face quickly faded into a smirk. He raised his hands like he was telling me he was backing off. I wanted to ask again. _What did he mean?_

"Gulf you're here." Praew stands beside me. I glared at her. 

"Mild, I'll talk to you later." 

My grip on her small wrist was tight. I couldn't hear any of her complaints until we reached the empty chemistry lab.

"Gulf what the hell?!"

I pushed her on the wall and kissed her. Not tight lip, but the way I was thought to. I pulled her by the neck and started moving my lips. It lasted for a few seconds. I stopped before she gets into deep.

"Three days. My house." I told her then left. 

x

"What's up Grumpy, feeling better?" As usual, he places the helmet over my head straps it.

"Let's go to your place first then have dinner."

"Woah. Someone's impatient!" He laughed but I gave him a cold look. I wasn't in the mood.

He didn't add any more remarks instead he rolled his eyes and sat in front of me. I might just have killed the mood but the events earlier were bothering me too much. If I didn't appear right at that moment what would've happened? Would she have changed her mind? 

When I overthink, my head feels heavy and it aches. Mew's back looked broad and warm. Perhaps if I lay my head on his back my thoughts will temporarily disappear. My hands instinctively wrapped around his torso like it was a pillow. He feels warm. He feels safe. 

x

I didn't put my bag at the usual corner. It dropped on the floor when I pulled him for a kiss. 

"Gulf..." his eyes were wide open. 

I removed my specs and kissed him again. I didn't want to stop. One of the benefits of his minimalistic home is there's nothing to make us trip over. If it was in a different setting someone could've been injured.

He fell on the bed first, falling on his back. As I followed he pushed himself up towards the headboard. I crawled on top of him. I didn't know I could want something so badly. 

"Gulf wait!" He sat up suddenly making me sit on his legs. I could see the confusion in his face, but his cheeks were so red. I haven't seen this side of him before. Was he always this handsome? 

I gave him little pecks to shut him up. I waited for his lips to part so I can try something new. I kept in mind what I learned last night. _Slowly. Just the tip._ I slid my tongue in. Little by little until I felt his tongue. 

He forcefully pushed me but he still held my shoulders. I was starting to get annoyed. His grip was tight and he was looking at me like I'm doing something wrong. _Was I?_

"Do you want me to leave?" _Say no._

"If you don't stop now, I can't promise that I'll stop either!" his voice was firm. The seriousness in his voice scared me but it didn't matter at the moment.

"Do you really want this?" We all know what we want. What we don't know is how to deal with it after we've attained it. Will it make us happy or will regret take over? Whether we choose what we want or not, it's a gamble. It's a risk. This is what scares us. 

"Mew, please." I placed my forehead on his. In my mind, I was begging him not to make me decide. I just wanted him to be reckless like I was. 

He placed his hand on my chin, pulling it softly so I can part my lips. He slid his tongue in. It touched mine. I tilted my head so we can go deeper. His tongue would brush the roof of my mouth then caress my tongue. Every time he pulls away to take a breath, I bite his lips, pulling him back to me. 

His hands found its way to the buttons of my shirt. He undoes them one by one until my bare chest was exposed. There is something different about the way he kisses me nowadays. It's gentle, it's careful. Perhaps it's because he's now used to the shape of my lips. But if it's because of something else, I wouldn't know how to react.

He's moving down my neck, leaving his trail. He sucks my skin and slightly licks them when he's done. I feel him getting harder under me. I could say the same about myself. This is going somewhere I know I could regret. But I won't shy away from the fact that I want it. 

My hips are involuntarily moving. We are rubbing against each other, feeling the insatiable desire. His long fingers are roaming around my body like he is memorizing it. 

"Fuck." I must have closed my eyes for so long because I didn't notice his lips on my chest. Our eyes locked when he licked my nipple. I moaned loudly. It's a different kind of a euphoric sensation I never thought was possible. My back was arched as he held me close to keep me from falling. He did wonders with his mouth. Sucking and licking as he did with my neck.

"There's no going back now." He stopped when he placed his hands on my belt.

"Shut up." I kissed his lips and let him do as he pleases. 

He unzips my pants and inserts his hand in my boxers. I embraced him tightly when I felt him wrap his fingers around me for the first time. My breath shortens each time he moves. He pulls it out and I couldn't help but cover myself. No one has seen me naked before. No one has seen me like this. I didn't want him to judge.

"Don't be shy." He whispered after caressing my neck with his nose. I let go and grabbed a handful of his shirt instead. I tried kissing his neck to make him feel good as well but my head keeps falling on his shoulders every time he strokes me. He holds me like he knew exactly what I wanted. He would massage the tip and trace the veins. Then, I will let out a cry.

"Faster." I couldn't hold it anymore. 

He did as he was told and I finally released. I still couldn't control my breathing but I felt a huge relief. The tingling feeling still remains.

"Gulf?" I couldn't speak. My eyes were getting heavier.

"Gulf?" 

Everything turned black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week. I was busy and a bit stressed.
> 
> Anyway, how do you feel about this chapter? I hope you liked it. When I first started writing the NC scene I felt shy! It's a miracle I finished it.
> 
> By the way, I'm planning to change POVs from 1st person to 3rd person. It will be alternate. I want to try something. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time so you won't be confused...
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Interrogation Adventures

Basically, there are two reasons why one doesn't want to open their eyes in the morning. First, they don't want their rest to end and just want the five-minute snooze in their alarm magically last for an hour. Second, their fully awakened mind doesn't want to face what the day brings. There are questions they don't have the perfect answers to. There are faces they can't meet. Lastly, there are mistakes they didn't want to clean up. For Gulf Kanawut it was the later. 

He's been closing his eyes for the last fifteen minutes. The bed feels so small but unlike his bedroom the sun shines on him, giving just the right amount of light on his face. He couldn't feel someone beside him. After all, the bed could barely fit two people. The sheets feel thin too, very different from the high thread count sheets he was used to. It wasn't silky smooth and expensive like what he has at home. Despite this, he felt like last night was the best sleep he had in months. It was warmer than usual. The last best sleep he had was 5 months ago when Chelsea won the world cup. And it only lasted for 4 hours because he had to wake up early in the morning to finish the homework he forgot due to the game. 

_Please go to the bathroom or just leave the damn room._ He was hoping telepathic signals would control Mew and make him do as he says. He wanted to escape so badly but then, he also deliberately let go of the chances he had to leave while Mew was sleeping. If only he didn't let himself get pulled into the comfortable and tender arms of a certain someone, he would've been in a taxi by now. Heading home. 

"You know, you can pretend to sleep all you want but your scrunching eyebrows give it away." It was already hard for him to close his eyes with the smell of pancakes and bacon covering the whole place and now Mew was being a prick. 

He opened his eyes but he didn't expect Mew to be hovering over him. Flashing his perfect white smile. Mew's hair was wet. He was so used to seeing him gelled up that he doesn't recognize him with his hair down. His face looks so much friendlier and soft. Not like the usual unapproachable look. He also just noticed that his eyes smile together with his lips. With his cheeks all puffed up, the dark aura that he is always associated with seems to vanish.

It took him 5 seconds to realize that he was staring. He squeezed his eyes shut hoping it was just his imagination. Mew chuckled and thought it was silly but he didn't say it out loud to avoid adding insult to injury. 

"Go and wash up. I put some brand new boxers in the bathroom. I also have an extra uniform you can use." 

"What? Where's mine?"

"It's in the laundry. You made quite a mess last night." Mew winked at him and went back to the kitchen to prepare the food. 

It was mortifying. He wanted to hide under a rock but the bathroom is the only option he had. He wrapped the blanket around his naked waist before going inside just in case Mew was watching him through his peripheral vision. 

Gulf grabbed his phone before entering the bathroom. There were a couple of missed calls from Mr. Song, the head personnel of the Kanawut residence. He sighed and called him immediately. He prayed that Mr. Song hasn't mentioned anything to his father or else he would have a tense, uncomfortable talk with him. 

The worried tone from the old man made him feel bad. Mr. Song could just be someone who works for them but he respects him for always being present in the lonely household. 

"I'm sorry I should've called. I... I um- I fell asleep while doing a school project. I'm at a friend's house." 

He let out a sigh of relief when Mr. Song said that he almost called his father. He told him not to worry and that he'd be back tonight. He apologized again before putting the phone down. 

Gulf's hand clutched on the lavatory. His knuckles were turning white. He looked at his reflection and last night's events were flashing through his eyes one by one. He remembers everything. How it happened. How he was held. How he begged. It wasn't just for experience anymore. It was something else. 

There were thoughts he didn't want to entertain at the moment. For example, his sexuality. He was more concerned about finding what possessed him last night. Or what chemicals were mixing in his body to make him act that way.

When he couldn't find the answer, he took a hot shower to drown his thoughts away.

The fresh new towel was folded together with the boxers which was still in its packaging. Mew's extra uniform was also hanged neatly at the back of the door. The pants fitted him perfectly but the polo shirt was definitely not his size. The shoulders were wide. The length of the sleeves went over his wrist and it was simply long. If he was more honest with himself, it definitely looked like he was wearing a boyfriend shirt. 

He went out of the bathroom struggling to fix his tucked-in shirt while pulling his sleeves up at the same time.

"I guess the shirt is too big for you." Mew came to him and folded his sleeves on both sides.

"And your hair is too wet. It's dripping all over your clothes!" The towel was dropped on his head and Mew started drying his hair.

Attention was something that lacked in his life. He may be part of the smartest class of his high school but so as 30 other people. He's part of the football team but most of the time he's just a bench warmer. He is very accomplished for a high school student but he couldn't remember a time that he was celebrated. Still, he didn't cry for attention because the last time he did, he was slapped across the face for begging for something 'trivial'. When the night sets in and he's back in isolation inside the four walls of his house, he would get a heavy feeling that somehow wells up water in his eyes. He wasn't an expert in psychology but he would often assess this situation as a hormonal shift due to puberty. 

But things are different recently. He still couldn't get used to the sudden force of positive reinforcement appearing in his life. As much as he is conflicted by mixing himself with someone with a bad reputation, he liked the changes. Evenings weren't melancholic. Games weren't just a past time anymore. He could even have a proper conversation about the cosmos because apparently, Mew once dreamed of being an astronaut.

"Are you okay?" Mew was watching him having deep thoughts. 

He pecked him on the lips. It confused Mew but it was his way of saying thank you. 

"I'm just hungry." He lied. 

They sat on the floor. The utensils were all disposable except for the two spoons, two forks, and the plate where the bacon and pancakes were placed. 

"Geez, you really can't have any guest come over." Gulf was judging but Mew didn't mind. He cared more about Gulf's actions last night. 

"What's up with you yesterday?"

"Mew I swear to god if you won't stop teasing I'll throw this bacon on your face." 

"You know I'm not teasing." He laughed. 

"Did something upset you?" 

_Was it that obvious?_ He paused for a second. 

"I saw Praew getting cozy with another man."

"Oh."

"They were in the basement of our building. I didn't want to think that they were hiding, but it looked like it."

"Did you see anything else?"

"Well, somehow the guy was implicating that she'll be his in no time. Of course, I confronted them. But no one would give me answers." 

He waited for Mew to side with him and say something along the lines of 'that guy was a jerk!' or 'you should've punched him!'. He even thought he would make fun of him but no. 

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you last night. You should've told me." 

Gulf didn't know what to say. He didn't expect Mew to react that way. If one would analyze it carefully, it was he who took advantage of Mew. Not the other way around. 

"I didn't know you were vulnerable last night. We could've just talked it out."

"Stop! Don't say it like that. We both know it was consensual. And if anything, you made feel so good last night that I forgot why I was upset in the first place. So stop having these stupid assumptions!" He exhaled loudly. 

Gulf only realized that he spouted too much truth when Mew stared at him with his mouth agape. 

"Let me backtrack for a second. I made you feel so—"

"Damn! These plastic cups look so ugly. Maybe you should consider buying glass cups." He wanted to change the subject so badly. There was no way he's admitting anything again. 

"Gulf—"

"Yeah! Maybe we should look for some dining utensils tomorrow! You know, you need to make your apartment more habitable!" He laughed awkwardly while standing up.

"Oh! Look at the time! We'll be late! Come on! Let's get going!"

And just like that, he mindlessly asked Mew on a spontaneous date. 

x

Mild was determined to see what Gulf was up to. And this time he had more reasons to speculate because Mr. Song who rarely calls him asked if he knew where Gulf was because he didn't come home last night. He feels the tingling on his feet when the time nears 8 am. Mild was never a punctual student, but today he came 15 minutes before the bell rings just to catch Gulf. 

Mild felt finally rewarded when Mew and Gulf entered the gate together. He wanted to jump at them and boast to Gulf that he was right all along and that he finally caught him. But he decided not to. He wanted to observe first so he can drop the bomb on Gulf all at once. 

It was clear that Mew was annoying Gulf. It was enjoyable to make fun of his best friend after all. But the thing was he's the only one who can tease Gulf until his ears turn red. He knows Gulf's every secret so he can embarrass him all he wants. _What kind of secrets does both of you have?_

Gulf stops and faced Mew while pointing his fingers at his face. He says something to him then walks away. Mew was left there with his hand on his face while laughing. _This is interesting!_

x

Mild was finding the right time to corner Mew and interrogate him. 

He's the only one who can talk to him because basically he is forced by his peers to speak to him for them. Mew wasn't particularly scary. He was just intimidating and no one can figure out what's on his mind. 

When the class ended he waited for everyone to leave just like what Mew always does. 

"Yo!" Mew flinches when he finds Mild creeping behind him.

"Geez." He gulped at Mew's disapproving eyes but he can't back out now. He needs to sacrifice himself for the sake of his best friend.

"Want to have lunch together?"

Everyone was giving Mild the 'what the hell are you doing?' look but he ignored all of it. 

"Are you sure you want to be seen eating with to me?" 

"Y-Yeah... Sure why not?" Mew chuckled at his stutter. 

"You know, if you smile more you would look 100 times more approachable."

"Are you telling me there's something wrong with my face?" 

_Shit. Please don't flip the table. Please don't flip the table!_

"I'm kidding! By the way, your face looks amusing!" Mew laughed much louder this time. For a while he was confused. Who would think this big intimidating guy knows how to laugh?

"So what do you need? You must be scared shitless to be having lunch with me right now."

"Ha! Of course not!" He lied.

"Um. It's about Gulf. Gulf Kanawut."

"What about him?"

"You do know I'm his best friend right?" 

"Seriously?" Mild sighed heavily. It is questionable. Gulf is a top student. Mild belongs to the list of probable repeaters. Gulf's family owns one of the biggest companies catering to consumer goods. Mild is the son of a small business owner and a writer. They belonged to different ends of the spectrum.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. But we've known each other since we were 8! And if not for me who knows what kind of anti-social weirdo he would be!" It is his pride and joy to see Gulf talking and hanging out with other people even if he prefers studying more. When they first met, he couldn’t get a single word out of Gulf. Not until their third meeting. 

"Anyway, lately, I've been seeing the two of you together after school." He never saw them but this was part of his deceitful plan to get the truth out.

"You've been seeing us at the back of the school?" _The back of— so that's where it is!_

"Yeah! I was just wondering how's it going?" There was doubt in Mew's face.

"Well, we've been exchanging notes. I'm having a hard time in most of the subjects." Mild was getting excited. A liar can easily spot a lie. 

"But you're the smartest guy in class." Everyone knows that but they're afraid to acknowledge it. 

"I'm talking about the—" Mild pursed his lips in Mew's direction making Mew lean back.

"He really tells you everything?" _Jackpot!_

"You can say that. But he's not detailed about it. So has he gotten better?"

"Yeah. I guess." Mild could hear the sound of victory playing in his head. _Yes!_

"So, do get something in return?" 

"He pays for my sushi."

"What?! I've been forcing him to treat me at a sushi bar! He said he doesn't like Japanese food!" Mild felt betrayed. Mew felt a little betrayed too.

"What does he like to eat?" 

"Gulf may be the richest guy I know but nothing can satisfy his taste buds more than crispy basil pork! And I don't mean the overpriced fancy ones! He prefers the cheap authentic dish at the small restaurants." he proceeded to give Mew the list of their favorite restaurants.

"So... are you close with his girlfriend?" Mew asked smoothly.

"Praew is Gulf's first girlfriend. Before her, I thought Gulf will never have one. I didn't know if he was disinterested in girls or in relationships in general. Anyway, Praew likes her friends to be on the same level as her. So we don't talk much. She also doesn't laugh at my jokes which is a real bummer." Mild was the class clown. Everyone finds him funny. Everyone. 

"They've known each other for years. They have a long history together. Gulf never talked about it but he cares about her a lot."

"But I think Gulf is pretty stressed about her lately." 

"True that. I don't want to be that guy who tells his BFF who to date but I really hope he finds someone who is more friendly. Preferably someone who gets along with me." It may sound like a joke but he was dead serious. 

"So what made you want to teach Gulf? And don't tell me it was for the sushi." Mild's special skill is interrogation. He mastered the art of creating white lies in order to find out the truth. If only he had the matching academic skills he would definitely be a persecutor. However, he thought that acting like one in his own tv series wouldn't be so bad.

The first thing to look at when asking personal questions is the person's facial expression. Some people who try dodge the question speak so fast because they tend to panic like Gulf and some people take their sweet time to answer so they can look calm like Mew. But there is one thing in common. The truth is hiding in their eyes. Their hands will start to fumble and they definitely can't make eye contact.

"I didn't have anything else to do." 

"But you didn't know him. Perhaps were you attracted to him?" This was his second technique. Shocking people with a straight forward question with implications of what he thinks is the truth. 

Mew looks at him wide-eyed but quickly averts his gaze. Mild wanted to laugh so hard at how he can easily read the most feared guy in his school. 

"So what do you like about him? I mean, I totally understand if you have a crush on him. Believe it or not, a lot of people dig that nerd! So was it? His eyes? His smart ass? Hmm. They say his smile is pretty cute too! Or maybe it was—" Mew shoved a piece of bread in his mouth as soon as it opened.

"I need to go to the toilet." He left him behind and didn't bother to turn around. 

The one flaw Mild has when having his interrogation adventures is that when he gets too excited, he ends up teasing people mercilessly.

"Mew!" he babbled. _Ugh. I did it again._

He was disappointed that it ended quickly. But it was good progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I know I haven't updated in a while. To be honest the story keeps changing in my mind. But the good news is I keep having new ideas that would make this fic longer. Please be patient with me : (
> 
> Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts : )


	6. Formalities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SUPER NSFW AHEAD

Gulf is known for his calm and collected personality. He may be an over-thinker but he makes sure that it doesn’t show through his actions. He always thinks before he speaks. He always plans ahead of time. He always makes studious efforts to avoid mistakes. He would never do something irrational. Let alone ask a man out. But being around Mew causes his brain to stop working from time to time. 

He kept wiping his sweaty hands on the side of his pants. He kept reminding himself that he is only assisting an acquaintance. Unlike what Mew was implicating, this isn't a date. This was also the whole reason why he refused to be picked up by him. He thought that removing some elements like spending 15 minutes on a motorcycle with his arms wrapped around someone’s waist would make it seem less like a date. 

x

“You’re late.” Mew was sitting on a bench for half an hour. 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to come.”

“Okay, Mr. Grumpy. You were the one who insulted my disposable utensils and asked me on a date to replace them. You’re in no position to complain.”

“It’s not a date!” He stomped his foot and further furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, fine!” Mew massaged Gulf's forehead using his thumb. He discovered that this calms down the latter and helps him remove the frown on his face.

x

Mew didn’t expect Gulf to be interested in picking up kitchenware for him. He was so serious about choosing what utensils were essential and which materials are better. He could just watch him talk all day. 

“You must be moving in together? Are you looking for new items for your home?” The sales lady appeared out of nowhere. No one really spouts their first impression of people they just met. But from an outsider’s point of view, they looked like a newlywed couple who’s decorating their home. 

“Excuse me we’re not-“

“Do we look like a couple to you?” Mew speaks up with dominance making Gulf silent.

“Oh. It’s just that we have a special discount offered today. But it's only exclusive for couples. Aren’t you guys together?”

The woman waves a brochure in front of them. All the colors of the rainbow were present and it read _'Love who you love! 10% Discount on all kitchenware.'_

“Yes! We’re definitely together!” Mew pulls Gulf with one arm and held him close.

“Mew! What the hell!” 

As they walked behind the woman, she explained that all they have to do is to take a photo that will be posted on the Pride Month wall. Gulf protested but Mew convinced him that no one would even notice them given that there are hundreds of photos stuck to the wall. 

“Gulf, let’s think about the bigger picture okay? The discount!” He whispered and Gulf gave in.

They were told to get inside a cardboard cut-out. It replicated an Instagram post but it had additional rainbows, flowers and hearts scattered all over the frame. 

“Come on guys don’t be shy! Closer!” Mew made the move and pulled Gulf by the waist. 

“You know if you look closer you’ll see the resemblance of the guy to Majin Buu.” Gulf looked at the photographer and when he looked behind him, there’s a huge tarpaulin of Dragon Ball Z characters endorsing a clothing line. The photographer was wearing a pink shirt and every time he smiled his eyes disappear. 

“The resemblance is uncanny.” Gulf remarked. They both laughed.

“That was a perfect shot!” The photographer gave them two thumbs up and thought what a sweet couple they were. Laughing while holding each other close.

x 

Mew and Gulf may have finished their shopping but every time they look at each other, they laugh. 

“You’re really going to hell!” 

“What? But Majin Buu is very cute!” 

Shopping for plates and cups was a first for both of them. They didn’t notice but everything they bought was in pairs. Even the cup they chose matched. 

Mew looks at Gulf softly. He hasn’t seen him have fun this much. His high pitched laugh was loud and beguiling. It was creating a euphonious sound that will be forever be engraved in his memory. 

Mew has been thinking of being honest to himself for some time now. It started when he lost all interest in following his nightly pattern. He hasn’t seen anyone after the said agreement with Gulf. He also hasn't touched a beer or a cigar for a few days now. At first, he stopped because he didn’t want to be intoxicated while giving Gulf his lessons. But soon after, he started to think of Gulf's feelings and didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable with the taste of alcohol and cigarettes. 

He didn’t like where his actions were leading him. He didn’t like how fast he was changing. He was just starting to get used to the uneventful, dead life he created for himself but now vibrant colors are starting to paint his days. They’ve known each other for only less than a month, which makes the situation risky and scary. 

Mew didn’t want to get lost again and every time he sees Gulf, it was like looking at a big maze. But before he knew it, he was already inside. He keeps finding new things about him. Each time he turned, there was always something there to surprise him. And when Gulf acts up and he can’t guess what’s on his mind, it feels like he's going around in circles. 

He conditioned himself not to fall into any traps like this. He really thought that he won’t meet someone who would lead him in a trap this early. And to fall in such a deep and easy way was something he couldn’t explain. 

_Another try_. He thought. _Maybe, just maybe this time it will work._

Gulf’s stomach grumbles as soon as he stopped laughing. 

“Oops.” 

“Okay. Let’s eat! I know a place.”

x

Gulf couldn’t believe where he was standing. It’s been months since he last ate at the small restaurant hidden from the busy and noisy streets of Bangkok. Before he could ask Mew how he knew where his favorite restaurant was, an old lady greeted him with the widest and most caring smile.

“Nong Gulf! You’re finally back!” 

“Khun Mae!” Mew and Gulf bowed down with their hands pressed together. 

The old lady approached them. She barely reached Gulf’s shoulders so she looked up at him while holding the spatula.

“I haven’t seen you for so long!”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy with school lately that I rarely even go out now.” 

“Where’s the small noisy guy you’re always with?” The old lady looks at Mew then back at Gulf. 

“And who is this handsome young man?!”

“Ah. Mild has his own thing going on too. But I promise I’ll bring him back here soon… And this guy is Mew.” 

Mew noted that Gulf didn’t mention who he was in his life. He took it as a good sign since this only means that Gulf isn’t finalizing what they had. If Gulf introduced him as his friend or just an acquittance he would be slightly disappointed.

The old lady gestured them to sit inside. 

“You’re just in time. I just finished cooking your favorite crispy basil pork!” Gulf’s eyes sparkled. He missed the dish so much. 

“Nong Mew?”

“I think I’ll have the same please.”

“You won’t regret it! It’s the best thing in the world. I swear I could eat it every day!” 

The grin in Gulf’s face was priceless and infectious, to say the least. For the first time, Mew is seeing the child in him. He didn’t know that something so simple like food could make Gulf exude so much joy. 

When the food came Gulf drooled over it. He held both his spoon and fork tightly as he licked his lips. The sight was so amusing that Mew had to take a photo of him. 

“Okay. I will dig in!” Mew quickly hid his phone and decided to go along with Gulf.

“Oh my god!” Gulf was barely understandable. 

Within the first bite, he closed his eyes and did a little dance. Mew doesn’t enjoy fatty foods like the person in front of him, but seeing him cherish his food while leaving soft hums each time he takes a bite made him very hungry too.

Gulf looked at him with anticipation. He pulled the spoon out of his mouth and chewed slowly. It did taste good. The crispness of the pork didn’t disappoint too.

“It’s really good!” Gulf turned to the old lady and they gave each other a thumbs up. 

_How cute can you get?_

“Your mom must cook this for you every time.” 

“She doesn’t. She never cooked for me.” Mew instantly regretted making a comment.

“She left the family when I was 6. She ran off with another man.” Gulf didn’t take his eyes off his plate.

“My dad was having an affair long before she did. So I understand her.” Mew wanted Gulf to open up more about him and his family but he expected a happier story. Stories that Gulf could be proud of. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stick my nose in your business.”

“Don’t worry about it! And even if my mom cooked for me, it wouldn’t taste this good! This one right here is the holy grail! No one can replace this!” Gulf covered the sad conversation with the enthusiasm he had with his food. Mew didn’t want his efforts to go to waste, so he made the conversation about the ingredients of their lunch instead.

“Wait, how did you know about this place if you’ve never been here?”

”Mild told me.” Gulf almost spitted the water he was drinking.

He knew that this day would come. Mild wasn’t one who would stay still and wait patiently for Gulf to tell him what’s going on.

”You talked to him?! Please tell me you didn’t say anything about us!”

”What’s there to tell? You’ve already told him everything.”

”Mew. Listen to me. I didn’t tell him anything. He just tricked you into believing that he knows everything. But the truth is he’s just guessing the situation and then he asks you for confirmation.” 

Mew was dumbfounded. He felt so played that he wanted to see Mild again and shove another bread in his mouth.

”You didn’t tell him about last night right?”

”Of course not! That little devil. I couldn’t tell that he was lying!”

x

The two felt their stomachs weigh on them. The old lady was so happy to see Gulf again that she offered free desserts for both of them.

”My tummy will burst. I can feel it.” Gulf rubbed his belly and Mew can only agree. 

“Should we go back now? I want to lay down so badly.” Gulf continued complaining but no one was responding.

“Mew?” He turned around and saw Mew sticking his hands and face on a window. 

_What the hell?_

He came closer to see what he was looking at and at first, he didn’t understand.

”Oh my god. Oh my god.” Mew murmured. He patted his pants for his wallet. He checked for his credit card and took a deep breath before picking it up.

Gulf was very confused. When he entered the shop all he saw were figurines of different anime, game, and cartoon characters. It was like he was in a different world and Mew was a closeted _otaku_ who just came out of his shell... He wasn’t wrong.

”Um. What am I looking at?”

”This is the limited edition collection from One Piece! Per story arc, they only make about 1000 of these! This is from the Wano Arc! I totally missed the Whole Cake Island and Dressrosa collection! I need to have this! I can’t miss another one.” 

Gulf didn’t have any idea what he was talking about. He was familiar with the show though. He remembers watching it for a short period of time when he was younger. 

As Mew headed to the cashier Gulf checked the price. 

“What the fuck?!” He panicked and grabbed Mew’s arms to stop him from making a big mistake.

”Dude! Did you see the price tag?!”

”Yeah.”

”Are you fucking crazy?! It’s 10,000 baht! What the hell is wrong with you?!” 

Gulf is no stranger to buying expensive things. He pre-ordered the latest Play Station a month ago when the Xbox he just bought wasn’t even a year old. The football shoes he also collects aren’t cheap. It was endorsed by his favorite football player so he doesn’t resist buying them. But seeing Mew splurge money on a toy... No. It’s not even a toy. It’s a figurine that is only meant to be displayed and not to be played with. Seems like a big waste of money.

”I’m gonna pay now.” Mew left leaving Gulf to look at him in disbelief. 

x

Mew was smiling like a fool. And from time to time he would sing the opening song to One Piece. When they arrived at the apartment Mew neglected the homeware they just bought and opened the figurine box instead.

“Do you want to help me set this up?”

“I’m not a child! Do it yourself.” Gulf sounded harsh but the truth was he didn’t want to make the grave mistake of accidentally breaking one of the pieces of the 10,000 baht figure. 

Gulf’s rejection didn’t stop Mew from showing him his true colors though.

“There is something I haven’t told you.” Mew grinned.

“What is it? You’re scaring me.” It wasn’t only the unusual smile that scared Gulf. It was the fact that he’s finally learning something about Mew.

Mew stood up beside the closet. Gulf always thought it was weird for him to have such a large closet when he doesn’t even have a proper dining table. But when the door was slid open, he finally understood why the closet existed.

It revealed a big collection of toys. It looked very similar to the shelves in the store they just came from. Gulf’s eyes didn’t know where to look. Most of them are in their boxes and others were in a glass casings. 

“To be honest, this isn’t everything. My other collection is in my parent’s house.” Mew proudly said. After all, his collection is one of the things he takes pride in. 

“Is that every character from frozen?” Gulf raised an eyebrow. 

It’s not fair to say that Frozen is only for kids. He watched the movie too. But for a grown-up man to buy a figurine of Anna, Elsa, Olaf, Kristoff, and Sven and show it off was a little weird.

”You’re crazy. A crazy weird otaku.”

“Wow, that’s 3 mean words in a row.” Mew pouted and closed the closet sadly. 

Gulf didn’t like seeing this. It felt like he hurt a puppy and he loves puppies. 

“I was kidding! I changed my mind I’ll help you assemble that thing.” As soon as he said it the latter’s smile returned wider. 

x

“Mew, there's nothing to drink here. There’s literally nothing.” The light from the refrigerator illuminated Gulf’s face. 

“I guess we’ll go to the convenience store then. Just wait a sec.” Mew was making imaginary angles to perfectly align his newly assembled figurines. 

“Maybe you should spend more money on groceries rather than toys. If a zombie apocalypse were to happen tomorrow, what are going to do? Eat Luffy?” 

“Okay. Stop nagging. I’ll buy a ton of groceries tomorrow okay?” 

x

The nearest convenience was only across the street. It was Mew’s go-to spot to buy microwavable meals but this time he didn’t grab one because he actually wants to try cooking something for himself and Gulf. This idea got him excited for tomorrow. He was thinking of inviting him to go out again to help him with the groceries. 

“Did you get some drinks?”

Gulf turned to him and he was holding two beers. 

“You want to engage in underage drinking?” Gulf scoffed. 

“Says the one who is always seen jumping in different bars every night! And besides, I’m turning 18 in December.” 

Gulf wasn’t the type to defend such rebellious actions. He was trained not to break the rules. But he wanted to try something new. Being with Mew encourages him to do that.

“For your information, I’m a legal adult. I’m 19.”

“You’re what?!”

“I stopped school for a year and half before transferring to your school.”

“But why?”

“Someday I’ll tell you.” He knew I wasn’t the right time to tell him his story.

“That reminds me. Shouldn’t you be calling me Phi?”

“Phi?!” Gulf scoffed louder this time. It was the most ridiculous thing he’s heard. Even more ridiculous than finding out that Mew was a crazy collector. 

“I’m two years older than you. So technically, You should call me P’Mew.”

“No! I’ve been calling you Mew all this time! Don’t give me a hard time!”

“Oh come on, It’s not that hard adding one syllable before my name.” Gulf is still tight-lipped. It was pretty simple so he also wondered why he was so reluctant.

“I’ll tell you what. If you call me P’Mew just for tonight, I’ll buy your first beer.” 

“I can buy my own thank you!”

“Not without an ID.” He shrugged.

"It’s a simple request. You can do it!” 

Gulf is very curious about the fuss going around on drinking. People around him would always brag how going to parties was the best night of their lives. Gulf would often reject invitations to these. But now that he’s graduating, he’s starting to regret not going to even just one. He knows that in college he will eventually go out and drink with peers. But he didn’t want to be that guy who is clueless about alcohol and ends up embarrassing himself by throwing up everywhere because he didn’t know his alcohol tolerance.

At the moment he thought that this was the ideal way to get drunk and know his alcohol limit. Drinking with Mew in his apartment was better than going to a bar with blinding lights and deafening music. It was also important to him that the person who he would be drinking with is someone he trusts. Gulf knew that if he refuses Mew, he wouldn’t get another chance.

“P’Mew.” he intentionally whispered but the elder turned around, anticipating to hear it again.

“P’Mew what?” 

“P’Mew please buy this drink for me.” It could be the hardest thing he did today. But for the person beside him, it was the best thing he’s ever heard in a very long time. 

x

Mew was worried at how fast Gulf was drinking his beer considering it was his first time. In a little over an hour, he’s already finished 4 cans. He kept reminding him to slow down because this would get him drunk easily but the moment he looks away, the younger would chug down the alcohol like he was in a race of ‘who could finish the beer the fastest’. 

“I think that’s enough.” Mew grabbed the can Gulf was reaching for. 

“No! You have one, two, three… eight empty cans beside you! Why can’t I have more?!” Gulf sounded like a whiney child but it was okay because he was too adorable with his bright red face.

“I’m used to drinking. I’m not even drunk yet. But you, you look like you’ve had enough.” He was only partially honest. The truth was he could feel the alcohol hitting his system too.

“I’m not drunk! Give it back!!!” Mew wasn’t planning to give in… not until he heard the words that tickled his ears.

“P’Mew please! P’Mew pretty please.” The words fell through Gulf's mouth with no problem. There wasn’t a hint of shyness in his voice either.

_Shit. Don’t do this Gulf. Don’t._

Mew was getting turned on. He scolded himself internally for going weak over a simple endearment. He made sure he was breathing at the same intervals. He would normally do this when he is nervous. But not in this kind of situations. 

Gulf has now ignored each one’s personal space. He has closed the distance between them by constantly pulling him closer while saying P’Mew in a begging voice. The only solution Mew could think of to stop the growing bulge on his pants was to push Gulf away. But he was too late.

“Phi, you can’t keep ignoring your Nong like that.” Gulf climbed on top of him. He looked at him with predatory eyes. 

Once he sat on his lap he giggled. “Well, someone’s hard.” 

Mew didn’t find it funny. It was a serious matter that could go off the railings anytime soon.

“You know I’ve been wanting to repay you for the other night. Can I?” The younger’s sultry voice was making the hairs on his neck stand. Every hot breath he exhaled on his neck was making him crazy. 

“Please Phi?” Gulf left soft kisses on his neck and ended up nibbling his ear lobe. 

“Stop being so sexy. You’re driving me mad. I don’t know what I’ll do to you if you don’t stop.”

“You know I won’t mind right?” he looked him in the eye and kissed his nose. “You know I won’t.”

Mew didn’t hesitate. He was tired of holding back. He was being provoked in the worst way possible and so Gulf had to pay the price for being too promiscuous.

“Don’t cry to me in the morning when your body aches, okay?” He stood up and carried him. Gulf’s leg instinctively wrapped around his waist.

Mew pushed Gulf’s small frame on the wall and torridly kissed him. The latter’s legs fell on the ground but one leg was forcefully pulled up, leaving a greater tension in his groins. 

Clothes were on the floor in seconds. Hands were desperately finding something to hold on to. This was different from what they’ve been doing. This was beyond what they agreed on. The pent up frustrations of wanting each other so badly have finally shattered. There’s no going back. 

Gulf didn’t know Mew could get rough. He noticed that he liked biting him and leaving obvious marks of ownership. He also couldn’t get over how his buttocks were being squeezed tenderly with such big hands. He could feel his hole twitching. 

While his nipples where being sucked generously, he wanted to touch the bulge that was evidently showing in the other’s pants. 

“Go on. Touch it.” He faltered. He has never touched a man’s package before. 

“Here.” Mew took his shaking hand and guided it to his clothed shaft. 

Gulf caressed it. He was molding him through his jeans. It was hard but he feels it getting harder. 

Mew’s head fell on his shoulder. He would let out groans that told Gulf he was doing something right.

“Gulf…” The fondling was stopped.

“I want to make you feel good.” 

Mew was descending on the ground. He never took his eyes off the person in front of him to let him know that he should pay attention. He unzipped his pants and pulled it down to his ankles. He could hear the breath of nervousness but he massaged the younger’s thighs to help him relax. He pulled the boxers down next and when he looked up, Gulf shut his eyes tight.

“Look at me.” He said in the most convincing way possible.

He rubbed his nose between his thighs while smelling him in his most intimate areas. Gulf moaned. He couldn’t close his eyes anymore. He wanted to see how he was being pleasured. 

Mew spitted in his hand and grabbed the erect member in front of him. He stroked it with ease until there was enough pre-cum to lubricate Gulf’s whole shaft.

“Don’t take your eyes off me okay?” He placed him in his mouth. The latter threw his head back and moaned loudly. 

He bobbed his head rhythmically. He wrapped his lips around the shaft and made sure every vein was feeling the tightness. He also fondled his balls to add more stimulation.

Gulf had to grab Mew’s hair when he felt him going deeper. He couldn’t take his eyes off his. The view from the top was very erotic and satisfying. Mew was kneeling before him while giving him good head. He couldn’t believe it was happening. 

“No! Move away! I’m at my limit!” Gulf tried to push him but Mew grabbed his buttocks and didn’t let him pull out. 

Gulf released a whole load in his mouth. He now knows what he really tastes like.

Mew grabbed the tissue beside his bed and spitted it out.

“Did it feel good?” He didn’t get an answer. Instead, he got an aggressive action from the younger who pushed him on the wall.

“I want to try it too Phi.” Every time he hears the single syllable that replaced his name, he loses it. It could be that he has found his kryptonite. 

“I want to make Phi feel good too.” His doe eyes were insistent. Mew couldn’t say no so he kissed him to let him know he could.

Gulf kneeled down and repeated what Mew did earlier. He was trailing kissing leading up to his erection. It looked so big and he didn’t know if he could take him in fully. He shook off the thought and wetted his lips instead. He held him and started sucking. 

“Gulf… Gulf too fast and your teeth. No teeth.” He looked up and felt apologetic. Mew saw it in his eyes and softly touched his face with a smile.

“Slowly. You can use your tongue.” 

Mew didn’t expect him to stick his tongue out and lick his tip. His tongue traveled the whole of him. Gulf looked back at him and took him in his mouth again. It was better than before.

“Fuck.” Mew pulled out of his mouth and came on the younger’s chest.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” He hurriedly got the tissue and cleaned Gulf’s chest.

“I really think I like you more than Praew.” Gulf said while he wrapped his arms around Mew’s neck. He kissed him deeply, holding on to the ecstatic feeling of not just sex but also falling in love. 

Mew really believed what his heart was seeing. Gulf was falling for him and it could only be the alcohol but he’s glad that he’s being straightforward. He lifted him off the ground. One arm under his legs and the other to support his back. He gently placed him on the bed and kissed him on the forehead. 

“I know you’re not ready yet and I don’t want this to be part of your drunk memory. But let me give you a taste of what it feels like to have the best night of your life.”

Gulf knows exactly what he means. He might be a virgin but he’s watched enough to know where this was going. 

“Spread your legs.” He wasn’t flustered anymore. He’s not ashamed of showing everything to the man he’s slowly getting fond of.

Mew was kissing him down there. He was getting hard all over again. Mew’s lips were moving further down and when he reached his taint he gave it a lick. Gulf had to grab on the sheets. He never knew such area could be an erogenous zone. But it didn’t stop there. His breath was shortened when Mew’s lips reached his entrance.

The elder’s thick tongue licked it wholly. He then let the tip of his tongue tickle his rosebud. Gulf’s hips were bucking up. He couldn’t control his body anymore. He is lost in ecstasy.

“P’Mew no! Stop! I— I can’t!” He’s finding it hard to form words. He couldn’t think straight.

“Suck.” Mew ordered. Two of his fingers were on his lips. He obliged.

“That’s enough.” A string of saliva left his lips.

“I want you to relax. This would feel uncomfortable but could you trust me?” He nodded his head.

Mew slowly inserted his finger in. It was tight but soft. It made him more cautious about hurting the latter. He touched Gulf’s face and kissed his cheeks.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” He didn’t speak but he shook his head. 

“Relax. Just relax.” He decided to kiss his lips to take some of his attention away from his lower region. 

As soon as the younger’s grip in the sheets loosened, Mew took the chance and thrust his finger in and out of his entrance. 

“I’ll put the other one in. I promise it will be so much better.” He didn’t lie because as soon as he pushed in two fingers he found his spot.

Gulf’s eyes were getting wet. This was on another level. This is what it feels like to reach euphoria.

“P’Mew! P’Mew!” He moaned without care. 

“Go on, touch yourself.” His hands went up and down his member. Going at the same pace with how Mew was thrusting his fingers inside him.

Their lips never left each other. It didn’t matter if they were running out of breath. They needed to keep each other close.

Gulf came again and this time he couldn’t make himself move. He was tired and exhausted. Mew felt the same. He fell beside him and placed his arms over the other's bare chest.

For a minute no one spoke. However, they didn’t need words. Everything was perfect as it is.

“I’m glad that it was with you.” Gulf said with his eyes half-opened.

Mew smiled and pulled him closer. He watched him lose consciousness and drift away to sleep. He kissed his temple and appreciated what he has in front of him. 

Gulf was never planned. He didn’t seek for him. He didn’t even want to have love at all. But he was given to him for some reason. Every coincidence has led him to believe that it could actually be fate leading him to the right person.

“I’m glad that it’s you too.” He whispered in his ear and closed his eyes.

x

The morning could’ve been perfect. If not for the empty space beside him.

He called for him but there was no response. He went as far as checking the hallways just in case he wanted to take a walk. But he was gone. 

His phone buzzed and saw Gulf’s name on the screen. He opened the message.

_I’m sorry I left early._

_I forgot that I had something to do._

_By the way, I probably won’t be seeing you for quite some time._

_It’s our school festival next week._

_Your class would be busy preparing for that week too._

_Thank you for last night._

Somehow the message felt unfinished. It could be because there wasn’t any goodbye or that there wasn’t any specificity on when they would meet again. 

_Now is not the time to be negative_. He told himself. Last night was beautiful and he didn’t want to make any assumptions that would stain it. 

There was indeed a school festival coming up the following week. But Gulf didn’t say that he and his class had already prepared for the festival weeks before it was even announced.

Gulf wouldn’t be seeing Mew for some time. But he didn’t tell him that the reason for this is he wanted to stop everything.

Gulf did have something to do that day. But he didn't specify that he was meeting Praew in his house to finally reconcile with her.

There were many things Gulf didn’t explain that day. There were tons of reasons why he couldn't stay either.

He left things hanging and hoped it would just disappear like it never happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I have finally reached 1K reads in wattpad! and I'm about to reach 1K here in ao3 too! I'm so happy! Thank you everyone for supporting this story!
> 
> This chapter is the longest one I've written yet. And this is the smuttiest thing I've written so far! 
> 
> By the way. If you want to connect with me I have a Twitter account @SUPPAkei8. I follow back so see you!
> 
> Please enjoy!


	7. Inaudible Pleas

It’s been two days since we’ve last spoken. A short amount of time shouldn’t bother me especially when he told me he’d be busy. But it felt like I was missing something.

I got used to messaging him every day since his number got on my phone. At first, it was to annoy him. After all, he doesn’t have the best temper and his sharp tongue could easily heat up one’s ear. He is sarcastic and won’t let you get away with small mistakes like simple grammatical errors. I’m really surprised that Mild stuck with him. Someone who is a bit low in common sense like him probably had a hard time with Gulf’s never-ending lectures.

But as time went by, I started looking forward to his replies rather than the satisfaction I get from knowing he is annoyed. He never fails to reply to my messages, whether it’s a single word or one sticker.

There was no response in the last two messages I sent to him. I didn’t want to be that guy who looks desperate for attention. I respected his personal time. And as far as labels go, we don’t have anything yet. However, I thought something has leveled up in our relationship. Every time my mind is empty I always remember the last words he told me.

_“I really think I like you more than Praew.”_

_“I’m really glad that it was with you.”_

I understand that he was drunk but I know for a fact that no one lies when they’re drunk. I’m holding onto something precarious but the hope it instilled in me was unbelievably strong.

I couldn’t lie to myself anymore, I was falling in love. And I’ve taken the rough road again. I should’ve been wiser not to fall for someone who is unpredictable. He’s never been with a man. He’s just starting to experience his firsts. And the most challenging of all, he has a girlfriend. A girlfriend he’s known all of his life. A girlfriend he really cares about.

“Mew! Oh god, I’m so happy that you weren’t absent!” Mild held my arms like I just saved his life.

“What’s up?”

“I have a favor to ask you.” I didn’t really like favors. I never ask for it myself so I expect people not to ask me either.

“I heard you played the guitar and you sing very well too... could you please... please! Perform in the school fest this Saturday!” I didn’t know where he got that information since the last time I’ve played the guitar was when I was in a different city.

“No.”

“Mew please don’t leave! Come on hear me out some more!”

He was pulling me like a child inside the classroom where everyone is looking. I didn’t want to seem scarier than I’m already perceived, so, I gave him a chance.

“Mew, you do know that this class is on the brink of not graduating right? Performing well in the school fest would give us merit that would actually help us pass! You’re the smartest and most attractive guy here! Having you as the face of our class would be a great advantage!” The flattering words didn’t really work on me. Plus, this class ignored me for months and now they want me to do them a favor?

“Umm... I heard you enjoy Japanese food. My family owns a small Japanese pastries shop. I could give you your favorites for free!” Niya, the girl who probably has the thickest eyeglasses I’ve seen came up to me timidly.

“My brother works in a bar at RCA, I could have him slip you free drinks anytime you go there.” I couldn’t help but scowl at In. Do I really have an image of a drunkard?

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you! I thought you would appreciate it!”

“I will pay for your lunch for the rest of the school year!”

“I’ll wash your motorcycle for you!”

I knew everyone in the class. I’ve observed them. This might be the first time they’re talking to me but I also know how hard it must be to initiate a conversation with a ‘school delinquent’ and beg for something that would save their future.

“Listen, it may not look like it but Gulf is a big fan of Pause! It’s only one of the 3 bands he listens to. This could be your chance to win him over!” Mild whispered to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I was about to agree with everyone's request even without Mild’s proposal.

“Okay! You don’t need to do all of that. I’ll play in the fest but I don’t want to stand on the stage alone.” Everyone cheered. The looks on their face were pretty funny but I know I lifted some of the burdens off their shoulders.

“Thank you so much Mew! And we’re sorry!” They said in unison. I was taken aback. I didn’t want an apology. It was my choice to put myself in self-isolation. I didn’t even try to be friendly enough, so, I didn’t see the need for an apology. Nonetheless, I was happy. Finally, I belong.

X

I can’t help looking behind me every time I pass by the corridors. I’ve seen him a few times but each time I attempted to call his attention, he keeps looking away. Other times, he would talk to the person his with and pay no attention anywhere else. I’ve passed by his classroom for the 3rd time today but I just can't get a hold of him.

I want a glimpse of him. I want to talk to him. I want to feel his presence. It was getting hard for me. I wanted to call him right away and ask him why he hasn’t talked to me in almost four days but the way he’s acting tells me that I should let him come to me.

Mild ate with me during lunch. A few of my classmates offered me treats but strongly warned Mild not to take any of them. He would roll his eyes and tell them he’s not that kind of person but he would sneakily reach out for the snacks when we’re alone.

“Have you talked to Gulf lately?” Mild’s cheeks are puffed up with food. I wish he would eat slowly.

“Actually, no. I haven’t heard from him. Is something wrong?”

“I think he’s ignoring me.” Mild wanted more details about why I thought that way and I felt comfortable enough to tell him what happened even if he has a blabbermouth. I threatened to break his arm if the word gets out that me and Gulf were getting cozy together. He looked at me in terror, so I trusted him.

“When you say you didn’t go all the way… you mean you didn’t put your-“

“Mild you get my point. Stop insinuating.” He obeyed.

“Maybe he’s too shy to face you now. Don’t worry about it.” His answer wasn’t enough or maybe it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

“Gulf hides the fact that he’s an over-thinker. He’ll never admit that to anyone. Put yourself in his shoes. He’s never been with a man before and all of a sudden boom! You appeared! To make things worse, he has a girlfriend. Can you imagine the confusion he feels right now? Gulf likes sorting his thoughts out before speaking or taking action. I’m actually surprised by what happened between the both of you. The Gulf I know would never be that reckless. So you know what I think? You’re someone special. Just be patient with him. He’ll come around.”

It was the first time I saw Mild being serious. I could just feel that he cares so much about his best friend and he knows him too well that he is confident enough to tell me what Gulf is feeling at the moment.

“How about we practice so hard and give our best performance in the fest? You’ll get to serenade Gulf with songs from his favorite band and at the same time, you’ll help Class G graduate on time! You're hitting two birds with one stone, my friend!”

The thing about Mild is that he has this positive energy around him that spreads to anyone who is close to him. I decided to follow his advice and take my mind off Gulf as much as I can. Gulf could be doing his best to do well in the school festival too. So I might as well do my part and not let my classmates down.

X

I was treated with the utmost kindness during the rehearsals of our performance. I was spoiled rotten. For the first time, I haven’t used up all my allowance. Every day, I get to take something home with me. Whether it's a box of Japanese cake or padthai, I always had something in my bag.

This shift in my life is something I want to share with him. There are a lot of things I wanted to talk to Gulf about. I wanted to tell him that I finally made friends. I wanted him to watch me while I practiced and get his opinion on how well I played. I wanted to ask what they were doing for their class presentation. I wanted to know what he was doing. I just wanted to talk. But he still won't respond to any of my messages.

During the time of our separation, I realized that I never talked about myself. Things were complicated in the past and I didn’t want to jeopardize anything between us by opening up. However, I wanted to make up for it by telling him about my present because he’s in it. That way he wouldn’t need to imagine the old me. He would only need to think about who I am today.

The school festival is happening in a few hours. Friends, family, lovers are welcome to participate. Everyone around me is excited but I think Class G is the most tensed out of all the sections. A week of after-school practices will finally pay off and I’m in charge of making sure that’s a reality.

For me, the end of this day would only mean I will spend more time with him again. And when that day comes, I will be truly honest with my intentions.

I went to school early because my classmates wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I entered the gates not expecting to see him. Six consecutive days of hoping could be tiring.

But I guess someone up there took pity on me because he’s finally walking beside me. He didn’t take notice of me because he was yawning non-stop. His eyes were struggling to stay open but he kept walking without looking at his surroundings.

“Hey! Be careful!” I grabbed his arms before he could fall to the ground, face first.

His awareness kicked in and pushed me away but I was lucky enough to hold him again.

“Mew, I’m busy.”

“I know. I won’t take much of your time so please listen.” I missed his soft skin so much. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hug him. But it wasn’t the right time.

“I’ll be performing at the festival later.” His facial expression changed.

“I know. Somehow Mild and the whole class got me to do it. I’m inviting you to come see me.”

“Mew I don’t-“

“Please. Please watch me. Because I want to tell you something and it’s the only way I know how.” His tensed body loosened up. Perhaps, he’s thinking of something to deflect my request again.

“Okay.” He says. I let go of his hand and he turned away immediately.

He left me with just one word and I believed him.

X

The nervousness appeared out of nowhere. I knew what I was supposed to do. I remember each chord and each lyric very well but my hands are so cold and my legs are shaking.

Maybe it’s a wrong move that I personally invited Gulf to watch the performance. Maybe I should’ve just let Mild tell him. If I make a mistake, I’ll be taking the whole class down with me. If I make a mistake, I’ll not only embarrass myself but also fuck up my confession. If I make a mistake-

“Mew!” I was vigorously shaken back to reality.

“What?”

“I’ve been calling you for the 10th time! Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Of course!” I assured but Mild didn’t buy it.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet!”

“I’m just a little nervous. I haven’t performed in a while.”

“He’s probably out there already. So you can’t fuck it up.” I hissed at him because his little comment didn’t help calm me at all.

“Okay we’re next!”

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. The crowd cheered as I stepped on stage. My first thought was to search through the strangers to find a familiar face because I knew once I know he’s there, everything is going to be alright.

It didn’t take long before I found him. He basically towered over most of the people in the crowd that’s why it wasn’t hard to see him. He smiled just a little but it was enough to let bravery overshadow my insecurities.

“Hello. We’re class G. Thank you so much for supporting our performance. I want you to listen carefully to this song and understand what I truly feel.” I wasn’t talking to anyone else but him. Besides, the whole reason why I’m standing here is because of him.

Every strum made my heart race in a good way. Each chord left my guitar as if it was breaking free. I let my voice flow through the microphone with ease. I want my heart to reach him. So he could see… So he could feel…

_"Your questions that need answers which I still haven’t given_

_You asked if our love would be long-lasting and if I was still sure about it_

_I want you to know that each day I face_

_There’s nothing that weakens my heart, and I’ve never been shaken by anyone_

_But no one knows how many more breaths a guy like me will take_

_And no one knows what tomorrow will be like_

_Please let love keep doing its duty_

_Let it gradually help you answer the questions in your heart that you still wonder about_

_And let me keep doing my duties every day_

_You might not really hear me say how much I love you_

_But I want you to know that my heart belongs to you”_

As lovers held hands. As friends sang along. I stood there while I’m being stripped of all the fear and uncertainties.

I want to know what’s on his mind. I want to give the answers to the questions he has. I knew taking a chance on him wasn’t going to be easy. We created something new and we didn’t know what to do with it. All this time, we’ve been playing a game of tug of war and I willingly surrendered so he can pull me into his world. I just hope he accepts me. I just hope he lets me in.

_“If time doesn’t have an answer, let my actions help._

_And you’ll know that no matter when_

_Whether we’re near or far, I’m still the same.”_

He lets me know that he was listening when he smiled. He nodded his head, conveying that he understood my confession.

Now the only question is if he feels the same way.

x

I had the biggest smile on my face when I left the stage. The class did a big group hug for the impending success of the performance. Everyone was talking over each other while discussing how to celebrate. I, on the other hand, had other plans.

“Mew! where are you going?!” Mild immediately took notice that I was leaving.

“You know where.” He giggled.

“Fine! Just be there at the party later okay?!” I nodded but chances are I won’t be there.

I went up to the science class’s room. As soon as I stepped into their corridor it was clear what their theme was. The dark corridors were embellished with glow in the dark stars and planets. Projected videos of the galaxies all over the walls and floor also completed the space look.

I was greeted by one of the students and offered to take me ‘across the universe’. His class prepared with so much effort. They were all in astronaut costumes and the props didn’t look simple at all.

“I’m sorry to disrupt but is Gulf Kanawut here?”

“Gulf? Oh, he’s in the auditorium. He’ll be performing today.”

“Performing?”

“Yeah. He was invited by the other class to participate in their play.”

I couldn’t contain my excitement. I never knew he hid such talent.

I excused myself and ran to the auditorium. I made my way backstage. I wanted to see him before he performs. I know it would be better to wait after the play so we can properly talk about the next steps. But I couldn’t help myself. Even just a touch of hand would ease the growing pressure I feel in my heart. I wanted his acknowledgment earlier to turn into words so I can have a peace of mind.

The backstage was hectic. It must be a big production because everyone was passing each other like air. I thought I wouldn’t be able to find Gulf but I got a glimpse of his backside and decided to follow him. He entered the last room at the end of the corridor. When I reached the door I saw him with someone else.

Praew looked beautiful in her body-hugging red dress. It accentuated her assets and made her perfect fit body more prominent. She steps closer to Gulf and pecked his lips. But as soon she retreats Gulf pulled her by the waist and kissed her deeply. I froze right there. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was waiting for him to stop or push her away. I was waiting for him to run out the door or even just wipe his lips but he continued just like that.

“I’ve always loved you. Stay with me from now on.” I could feel the ground cracking under me. At any given moment I would fall into the crevices of the dark world that have been waiting for me all this time. I needed to leave.

X

The wind hits harder on my skin each time I sped up. Everything was a blur except for the white straight line drawn on the concrete. The image of him and her never left my mind. I wanted to crash into something just so I’d see red rather than be afflicted with the falsity I’m experiencing. I kept wondering if it was just my imagination. That maybe he wasn’t the one I saw when I was on stage. Or maybe I miss read his expressions. I felt like I was being lied to.

I couldn’t believe that a different situation could bring the same damn pain. I’m losing someone again. I’m being left like I didn’t exist in the first place. Why are they so unfair? Why are they so selfish? I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I wish someone would tell me.

x

My bleak morning is clouded by cigarette smoke and the stench of alcohol. It felt like the day would never end until I passed out in my own misery. The sticks of cigarettes seem to burn faster today. I wish I could light my life the same way and let it burn down to the ground as quickly. If I never left the States maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

My phone rings but not as crazy as yesterday. Mild had the most missed calls and the others were from the rest of the class. I completely forgot about the celebratory party they prepared for such a small achievement.

The new message was from the last person I wanted to hear from. His message contained one interrogative sentence.

_Can we pick up where we left off?_

I felt the bitterness. It marked an unwanted stain in my mind. He had no idea that he was playing with an enraged heart. But I decided to go along with it, so I could finally see him for what he really is.

It didn’t take long before I heard a knock on the door. He stood in front of me with his ever healing smile. Bright but vicious.

I kiss the lips I ever so missed. He was wearing strawberry ChapStick however, all I could think of is who he kissed earlier to have this sweet taste on him. He scowled and pushed my chest.

“Have you been smoking and drinking?” I didn’t answer him. I pulled him back and continued kissing him. He doesn’t get to ask questions.

“Mew! Stop!” He pushed me forcefully this time. I turned my back on him to protect whatever patience I had left. But that was it, my anger is out of the bottle.

“Then what the hell do you want?!” I shouted.

“Why are you acting like this? Did something happen? There are so many bottles of beer everywhere and you stink of cigarettes!” I didn’t have time for his nagging. Who is he to meddle in my life anyway? He’s only here because he needs his fix.

“Don’t pretend like you care about me. Isn’t this what you came for? You come to me just to satisfy your needs then you go back running like a fucking dog to your girlfriend!”

“Mew, me and Praew-“

“I fucking saw you Gulf! I saw you backstage. You didn’t just kiss her, you professed your never-ending love for her. So what was the damn point of you coming to see me yesterday? What’s the point of picking up where we fucking left off, Gulf?!”

“Mew please listen to me. Just calm down for a second.”

“For what? So you can sort things out and convince me that there is nothing wrong? Gulf, you left me hanging for a week! You clearly ignored me! After everything that has happened between us, after all the words that you said to me that night, you cut me off! Who gave you the right to leave things hanging?”

His eyes looked regretful but he was having a hard time answering back.

“I was thinking things through okay. I’m sorry you felt that way. I’m sorry I left.”

“That’s it? That’s your reason?” I deserved more than what he’s giving me.

“Please Mew, listen to me. I can’t talk to you if you’re like this.”

“Why don’t we just go all the way? Let’s just fuck each other! Isn’t this where it’s heading anyway? Mild told me you care about Praew a lot. Well, you’re a fucking hypocrite. How will she feel if she sees you begging for a man like me?” Words kept spouting out my mouth. It could be the alcohol. It could be my shattered emotions. But I had to let it out.

“Come on let’s do it right now so you can be a full pledge cheating asshole like your parents!”

I could finally see the anger in his eyes. I wanted him to feel what I’m feeling.

I forcefully pushed him and pinned him down the bed. I kissed him with every hatred I’ve got. I feel myself getting rough with him. I ripped his shirt open. As buttons flew on the floor, I kissed him forcibly and gripped his wrist tighter.

I didn’t care for the sin I was committing. I wanted to scare him just to get even. Every feeling was manifesting. It was jealousy. It was betrayal. It was disgust. It was every single pain I hope I never experienced again.

But as I was forcing myself on him, I feel him struggle under me. It made me feel worse than I originally was. I couldn’t hurt him to this extent after all. I couldn’t continue. My grip loosened on him and I simultaneously stopped.

As soon as I looked at him he slapped me. He quickly moved away from me and covered his exposed body.

“Why won’t you listen to me?” Tears rolled on his cheeks and it didn’t stop.

He got off the bed and ran away. The door slammed and that was it. Nothing follows.

I run my hands through my hair. The unwanted memories come flooding back. It was the exact same question that has been haunting me.

_“Mew, Why won’t you listen to me? I already told you it wasn’t me.”_

Two years have passed and yet here I was making the same mistakes all over again.

_If only you listened. He would still be alive._

The voice was silent for so long. I forgot it existed.

I slowly drowned in the abyss of my own despair. My volatile temper has brought me here. I’m being consumed by fatigue and thoughts of apathy.

Would it be better if I disappeared? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! It's been almost 2 weeks. I apologize. I think this was the hardest chapter I wrote so far. 
> 
> Anyway, I want to talk about the song that's featured here.
> 
> If I'm not mistaken, there was an interview where Gulf said he liked the band Pause. So I reflected it here.
> 
> I started listening to thai-pop after I got obsessed with TTTS ost. And I relied on the suggested music by spotify to find thai music. One song called “หน้าที่ของความรัก(Mission)” by Pause really got my attention (FYI i don't understand thai). The song was so good and it's the only Pause song I have in my playlist. So when I was deciding on what song I should put here I chose this one even though I had no idea what the song meant. But surprisingly, when I searched the english lyrics it matched the story very well! I was so happy that it fit!
> 
> Okay... that's all. I'm just here to promote “หน้าที่ของความรัก(Mission)” by Pause. I love thai music so much. I'm so glad I discovered it. BTW if you want I could share my playlist. Just dm me on twitter (@SUPPAkei8) 😉.
> 
> So how was the chapter? Things will get intense from here on... 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please Stay Tuned!


	8. A Bitter Cup of Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is a small adjustment on the timeline where Gulf and Praew met.

The first thing I remember when we first met was the bad weather. 

The rain poured heavily with no signs of stopping. It was monsoon season. 

Umbrellas were bumping against each other. Puddles on the street are being stepped on. And people are rushing inside to take cover. Funny how a change of weather can cause chaos.

I had my own little chaos going on inside my head. I was on a secret mission. I was seeking my own truth and justice but I had to do it alone. Seeking help would only encourage mistakes and I don't want that.

"One caffe americano for Gulf and one white chocolate mocha for Praew!" I made sure I covered my face with a mask so I would go unnoticed. 

I was keeping both my eyes on them. I promised myself that I won't let them out of my sight. However, as soon as I turned around to grab my drink they exited the coffee shop. 

"Shit!" 

If only I knew they wouldn't spend a whole lot of time inside the cafe, I would've ditched ordering a drink because juggling it together with my phone and umbrella is utterly annoying. They entered the mall beneath the Paragon Hotel. I really didn't know what to think of it. Should I be relieved that they only entered the mall? Or should I be worried that they already booked a room in the hotel and just stopped by the mall? 

I took a deep breath and set all assumptions aside. If the rumors are true, I would need evidence. I need to see it with my own eyes. 

They were really going around the mall like nothing is wrong. She was obnoxiously getting flirty. She laughs at every single thing he says while slapping his arm. 

They moved on to the men's section where all the luxurious brands were lined up. Nothing in this mall is worth less than a regular man's salary and yet, he was trying on such expensive suits and even some watches to pair. I know he can’t afford those... And then it clicked. I now know what's going on. 

I feel so disgusted. To know that I laughed with him, made jokes with him, hanged out with him, but, most importantly put my trust on him is making my skin crawl.

I was surprised that I was able to pull myself together while watching an infidelity happen right before my eyes. He goes ahead to the elevator while she was left at the cashier. They kissed each other as they parted. I followed him inside but so did five other people. He goes down the 8th floor. He had no idea I was lurking around and was ready expose his immoral ways.

"So it is true, you're having an affair with my mom." He stopped in his tracks as the paper bags he was holding fell to the ground. 

"You're fucking disgusting! She's almost twice your age! What the hell is wrong with you?!" 

"Praew. I'm sorry. I'm in love with her..." I didn't know where he was getting the strength to lie to my face. I didn't know where he was getting the courage to spout such despicable words to the daughter of the woman he's having an affair with. 

I launched myself at him and threw punches. I can't do much to hurt him because no matter how you look at it I was the one in pain the most. All this time, every word spoken behind my back was true. 

_Praew Chantana's mother is having an affair with younger men. Praew's mother is only after the Chantana wealth. I wouldn't want to belong in the Chantana family, they're so scandalous._

"You could've just looked for other rich old women if you only wanted money! Why do you need to destroy my life?! You're not even qualified to have an affair with her! You're a low life driver who just got lucky!"

He effortlessly restrained my hand from hitting him. He looked at me fiercely. "I'm not a low life. I'm now working hard in a big company! I'm not after her money, you should know that!"

"The only reason why you got in that company is because of my father's connections. You're not only a good for nothing son of a bitch. You're an ungrateful bastard who was given away by his mother because she exactly knew what a horrible person you'll become!"

"Watch your mouth! I won't let you talk to me like that!" He grips my wrist tighter. I could feel his hand marking on my skin.

"Let go! You're hurting me!"

"I think that's enough." It was an unfamiliar voice. A stranger walked towards us like he was about to save me. 

This was the first time he came into my life. In my messy life.

"Mr. Kanawut." I was released from his tight grip as he stepped back while looking at this teenage boy who was roughly my age.

"Mr. Kanawut. I-... I'm-" He was stuttering. The courageous man who was so proud of his sins has now retaliated and bowed down. 

"I heard you were a promising employee Mr. Kiet. But this situation is very unbecoming." For someone who's so young, he spoke with a calm but intimidating tone. 

"I'm sorry Mr. Kanawut. Please I'll do anything. Just don't fire me. Please."

"I don't care for your personal matters Mr. Kiet but clean up your mess. I don't want any word getting out that could stain our company."

He gently placed his hand on my back, telling me that it was time to leave. "And one more thing. Please don't appear in her life ever again."

I mindlessly followed him to the park nearby. We haven't spoken a word to each other. My nerves was just starting to calm down but I was very confused. We sat on the bench under the shed. I grabbed my already cold drink to relive some of the stress. 

"I don't think-" I spit the drink in front of me. My taste buds were expecting the sweet foamy taste of a white chocolate mocha but an unbearable bitterness landed on my tongue.

"That's actually mine." 

"What?" 

"I actually chased you to get my drink back. You mistakenly took my coffee." 

"You chased me all the way here for this undrinkable thing?" I thought this day won't get any weirder. He laughed and exchanged my cup with his. My name was indeed written on it. 

I watched him drink his cup of coffee. As soon as his lips touched the lid, he winced at the unpleasant taste and I almost spit my drink again because I couldn't help but laugh. 

"It is a little bitter." He coughed a bit and I laughed some more. It was so stupid.

"You know what they say 'A daily large bitter cup of coffee makes a short life sweet.'" I stopped and stared at him. It was exactly what my father would say to me at the breakfast table.

Unknowingly, my tears started to pour. I only realized it when he was starting to ask me what's wrong and panicked because he didn't know what to do. 

"Did you know that my father is in the hospital suffering while both of them get to spend time together like everything is alright? How can they be happy? It's so unfair!" I feel the comforting warmth encircle me. At that moment, I felt so lucky that at least I met a stranger who comforted me. 

He offered me a ride home and I accepted. We didn't say another word since. He let me sit in silence. It's like he knew that it gave me peace of mind.

x 

I didn't even get the chance to thank him and I regret not getting any information about him. The only thing I remembered was the name Kanawut.

It has been on my mind for the past few days and I've been bawling my eyes for the same amount of time too.

I grabbed my laptop to make a background check on him. He wasn't a hard man to find. His family is very prominent in the consumer products industry. He is also the sole heir of GUP Inc.

Based on the news articles his family are associates of my father. There are a handful of joint venture projects that our families participated in. And apparently another meeting would be held in a week to discuss another potential transaction.

I immediately went to my uncle's office to let him now that I'll be present in the said event. 

He looked at me as if I said something wrong. 

"Praew is that you? What's up with you all of a sudden?"

"Don't you want me to go?"

"No! Please come! It's just very unlike you."

"Okay then, bye." I left right away because I didn't want to be asked any more questions. 

x

I remember the 100 some times that my uncle and father asked me to show up in this gatherings. And I refused to go because it was boring and full of old people. 

The event was exactly how I expected it to be. I was beginning to regret my decisions. What if he decided to not show up? Then what?

I grabbed one last brownie before going out to get some fresh air. 

The club house was surrounded by golf courses and pine trees. The calmness of the surroundings was pleasant and reassuring. 

"Are serious?! She was a potential business partner! This wasn't the first time you did this Gulf! Tell me straight up, are you not interested in women?!" The silence was broken with anger and tension. 

I stepped out of their view. From the looks of it, it was father and son. I quietly eavesdropped in their conversation because it's the most interesting thing that has happened the whole evening. 

"Are you gay?!" The father was very furious. His hand curled into a fist like he was preparing to throw a punch. 

"No... I don't know." As soon as the boy answered he was aggressively pulled by the neck and was forced to look at the man in front of him. 

"Having a wench for a wife is already enough. Don't you dare add another degrading rumor to our family name." The father then left. 

My jaw dropped in surprise. I thought it was only my family who had a scandalous life. 

I was really curious at this point and I needed a glimpse of who it was. 

I unsuspectingly made my way to the balusters as if I just entered the terrace but as I was heading toward the guy's way, I froze. 

It was him. It was really him. 

"Kanawut?!" His dejected expression morphed into shock. 

"You!" He opened his arms wide open but we ended up giving each other an awkward hug.

"I don't think I introduced myself to you properly. I'm Gulf Kanawut."

"Praew Chantana." 

"Chantana? As in Chantana Group of Companies?"

"Yep. That's me."

"So why haven't I seen you in this events? We've been working together for ages." I cocked my head. Is he serious?

"Gulf, we're literally the only teenagers here."

"Moot point."

"I'm surprised that you can survive 3 hours of this boring business event." 

"Well, I'm obliged to be here."

"Ugh. Sucks to be you. I actually never thought eavesdropping could be fun though. Your thing a while ago was the most lively thing I saw the whole evening." I tried to interject humor in an attempt to be more comfortable with him. But when I didn't see him react I bit my lips for saying too much. 

"I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you." 

"Of course not." There were few more seconds of silence. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Do you want to order pizza and sit on the grass?" 

I had to laugh at his dumb idea. "There's literally a sign that says 'keep off the grass'." 

"Like you said, this party is very boring. Let's be 'wild' for tonight!" 

Everything about him screams nerd. From his big round glasses and hair style to his neatly presented clothes and good manners. But beneath all that is a handsome face. At first, you wouldn't notice how pink and pulp his lips is. Or how high his cheek bones can go when he starts laughing. Or even his caramel eyes that sparkles when he smiles even though he just got off from an argument. 

We shared short introductions while seating at the golf course and eating pizza. His brief description of himself was very impressive. He didn't brag or come off as arrogant. If I hadn't asked, he wouldn't even mention his achievements. Saying that he is smart is an understatement. He's a genius. I don't I think I could ever receive the amount of awards he's gotten in my lifetime. Another additional fact, he plays soccer. I almost felt ashamed for myself. The only achievements I could think of was me taking care of my _Tamagotchi_ and winning Little Miss Bangkok for two consecutive years. 

"Hey, achievements are achievements no matter how big or small. My _Tamagotchi_ always died because I kept forgetting to feed it." As our laughter died, the cold breeze caressed our skin. We laid down the grass and watched the dark blue sky.

"Somehow my father thought it was a good idea to bring me along to this parties so I can meet the family of my potential spouse. Then he'll introduce me to the daughter as soon as he gets the chance. However, I couldn't get myself to like them back. There's nothing wrong with them. They were pretty to say the least. But I guess a man who only married for the sole purpose of expanding a business won't understand love and feelings. That's why he made an accusation that I'm gay."

"Well, are you though?" 

"I don't know. To be honest, when I admire a woman's beauty, I do it the same way for men. You know, when a pretty lady talks to you and you feel yourself blush? Sometimes attractive men can do that to me too. I really thought it was normal until I saw the reality that boys can be bullied for it. I don't understand why people think a simple thing could lower a man's masculinity. Isn't it stupid?" 

I never saw sexuality from that point of view. We're both still young and inexperienced but it made me think. Should someone be overly judged because he has an attraction for the same sex? Should one's curiosity be the reason of their condemn?

"I'm sure you'll find the answers you're looking for at the right time." I patted his cold hand. It must be hard to tell something so personal to a stranger but I was happy that he trusted me.

"By the way. Your dad should be charged with child exploitation! We're only what? 13? Why should we even worry about marriage?" He laughed and agreed.

"Do you know why he hates me? He thinks I'm not his real son."

"How about a DNA test? I'm sure you can afford that."

"That's what makes it funny. He refused to get one. He said he rather not know if he invested a lot of money on an illegitimate son or not."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing I wanted to curse his father but I'm in no position. "Well that's stupid and cowardly." 

"I honestly think he just wants to foster and care for the hate he has for my mother. They didn't love each other so he started having affairs but when my mother was the one who filed for divorce and actually ran off with another man, his pride fell in to pieces. Where was I in all this? Nowhere. Because they had me accidentally. In short, no one wanted me." I held his hand this time. It was the only way I could support his aching heart and maybe share some of his pain. 

"They're so unfair aren't they? They think they could just go and be with anyone they want and leave like it wouldn't have a big impact in our lives." He held my hand tighter. We're in the same kind of situation but in a different way. We were the only ones who knew the pain. We were the only ones who could understand. 

"How about this? I promise that even if the world doesn't want you, I will." I sat up and pulled him to do the same. I held my pinky in front of him and he smiled. 

"I promise that even if the world doesn't want you. I will." We tangled our pinkies and felt the security of existing in each other's life. We will always have each other. 

x 

We've been in each other's life in the most difficult times. When everybody chastised me for my mother's utterly insensitive actions and love affairs, he was beside me. When my father died and was laid to rest, he held me close. When he'd get verbally abused by his own father, I hugged him tight. When he was left alone and disregarded, I held his hand. 

But it was a mistake. We shouldn't have crossed the line. I should have never volunteered to be his pretend girlfriend when his father finally got physical with and punched him when he rejected another girl. And he shouldn't have gotten too serious and asked me if we could be real because he couldn't see himself with another girl other than me. 

We were doing great in the start. It was like nothing changed. He was still my best friend. Only this time he was trying hard to be a boyfriend. I did my part too. But we were like two jigsaws who are forcing themselves to fit in the wrong puzzle. 

Everything we've built up, everything we've made is now on the edge of falling apart. What scares me the most is that we could never go back to what we used to be. 

I wanted more of him, but he clearly can't give it to me. Maybe he has found his answer already.

My friends would always give me that look when I don't answer their questions about me sleeping with Gulf. They keep implying that maybe Gulf doesn't love as much as I thought. 

_"For god's sake Praew! He couldn't even kiss you! Just break up with him!"_

They also kept asking if I wasn't afraid of being a virgin forever. Which was actually laughable. It wasn't the thing that I was afraid of. He would eventually sleep with me. We would probably even get married. But forcing love to go in a direction where it won't bend will end up in pain, hate and remorse. 

I could see it happening in the far future. I don't want to be like our parents. I had to save us. 

He told me to meet him in 3 days after he saw me with Kao. He finally gave me the kiss I thought I wanted. My first thought was where he could've learned to kiss like that. Then in the following days, I was informed that lately he was hanging out with the hot transferee from Class G. 

I couldn't help but speculate. So I followed him the day before I was supposed to meet him... And there I saw the side of him that I haven't seen before. This person was giving him a different kind of happiness. He was having a different kind of glow. 

"Ms. Chantana please come in. Gulf is waiting for you in his room." Mr. Song welcomed me warmly like he always did. 

I never felt so nervous meeting him. Today, we're certainly going to lose something and I kept praying that we won't lose everything. 

As soon as I entered Gulf's room he pulled me in for a kiss. His hands was gently touching my body but I could feel him shaking. 

He pushed me down the bed and left butterfly kisses on my neck. His fingers reached to the buttons on my shirt and I knew we had to stop.

"What's wrong?" 

"You tell me." He moved away from me and sat at the edge of his bed. He rested his head on his hands and didn't face me.

"I know you couldn't do it. I know you too well to read your actions." He didn't speak.

"It's that guy Mew isn't it?" I watched him from behind as he broke into tears. 

"I'm sorry, Praew. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to go this far but I couldn't help myself. I was wrong. And I will forever hate myself for ending up like the people who have hurt us. I'm just like them. I'm disgusting. I'm despicable. I don't deserve you Praew." I sat beside him and grabbed his face. He was a mess but I was getting teary too. 

"Hey, don't insult my best friend like that. I wasn't all faithful too you know. That guy you met a few times, Kao. We went on a few dates. But I couldn't get myself to sleep with him. Let alone kiss him."

"But I did Praew. I kissed him and we were always on the verge of sealing the deal. I'm a bad person and I will understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore." I hissed and hit his forehead with my finger. 

"I'm keeping my promise and I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too. The fault isn't only one way." 

He rested his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back to calm him down and let him know that everything is going to be okay.

"Where did we go wrong Praew?"

"Maybe, we both knew we didn't need each other the way we thought we did." I laid my head on top of his and sighed heavily. 

"We're both wounded souls Gulf. We were so used to each other that we thought that we were meant to be together, have a family and have a fairytale ending. But I guess we love each other in a different but special way. We're meant to be in each other's lives... but we're not meant to stay together." He cried much harder which made me chuckle. I grabbed some tissues and took care of his snotty nose. 

"Hey, at least we tried. Now blow your nose." He furrowed his eyes at me but he did as I said. 

"Now can you stop crying like a baby and tell me all about your guy Mew Suppasit?" 

"Praew I just bawled my eyes out for you but that's what you're interested in?" 

"Well yeah! I want to know who I lost to!" He pouted and had guilt rushing in again. 

"I told you we're fine! Now spill!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and did my best chokehold. 

"Okay! Okay!" I let him go and he finally started talking. 

He talked about him like he talks about his favorite football team. He gave a lot details about him like he was discussing his favorite subject. 

"So, aren't you suppose to call him back and make up with him?"

"Geez, give me a break. I just broke up with you. And I don't even know what I exactly feel for him." 

"You've been exploring each other's bodies for almost a month now and you still don't know how you feel?!" 

"You don't understand! I don't even understand myself. I try so hard to act like I'm not into him but when I got drunk I act the opposite. Do you know how embarrassing that is?!" He was blushing so hard. 

"Plus, I haven't fully come in terms of being gay. I've avoided this for so long and then suddenly he appears and life is making me decide quickly." I could see that he was having a hard time. So reassured him with a hug.

"You know what, take your time. I'm sure he'll understand." 

That night was the first time I slept with Gulf. Peacefully, beside him. As I closed my eyes and rest, I thanked the heavens that I did not lose the only friend I will always believe in. 

x 

I couldn't be more happy that the school festival was over. Last Saturday's play was Gulf's most convincing boyfriend performance ever. I teased him about it but he always thought I was letting him go on a guilt trip. The kiss we shared on stage was also the calmest he has been and I couldn't be more proud. 

I decided to go on a change after the whole fiasco over the few weeks. I decided to lessen the hate I had for my mother because I didn't realize that it was slowly consuming me. But it doesn't mean I will forgive her. I've also decided to cut off things with Kao because he isn't what I needed right now. I needed to focus on myself and the journey I'll be taking on in college.

I met Gulf first thing in the morning. I greeted him but he didn't say a word. He had dark circles in his eyes and was frowning.

"How did it go between you two?" He only shook his head.

"What do you mean by that?" He kept walking. It annoyed me that he wasn't talking and I hated repeating myself over and over again.

But I stopped asking him when I received a message on my phone. An unknown number appeared on my screen but I didn't think much of it. When I opened the message, a single video was sent. I felt myself getting nervous all of a sudden.

I played the video. It was shot from the top of a bathroom cubicle. It was less than 30 seconds but I felt myself weaken. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Praew." Gulf had the same terrified look on his face. 

It didn't take long before every student who entered the school premises were staring at us, spreading the gossips they've just received on their phones. 

We were now the center of attention. We couldn't escape their prejudice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm posting this at 2 am in the morning. So I apologize for the typos. 
> 
> I actually have a few announcements! 
> 
> First, I previously said that this story would only comprise of 5-6 chapters. But because of some encouragement and a lot of inspiration, the number of chapters has doubled. I will end this story (for real) in about 4 - 5 chapters. I'm thinking of a sequel but we'll leave that for another day. 
> 
> Second, the reason why I decided to end this story is because I have something new for you! The new MewGulf story I'm writing is something different. By the first week of November, I will release it! I want to give you a head start and give you the title... it's called 
> 
> "Where the Sunflowers Rest."
> 
> Third, I want to promote the one-shot I made weeks ago 😋. It's called Candyman and here is the link. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985349
> 
> Fourth, is not really an announcement but a disclaimer. The quote that Gulf said to Praew actually came from this tweet. (https://twitter.com/coffeeblogger1/status/860245307975749632?s=20)
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading! I've reached 2000 hits and I'm so thankful! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think. Your comments mean so much to me!


	9. Malicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Includes themes of suicide

“Care to explain what this is?” The mobile phone was tossed on the table but no one dared to look at it because both of them exactly knew what was playing.

“Mr. Lhom, I swear nothing happened!”

“Ms. Chantana, this is not nothing!”

“We just kissed! We didn’t even make out! It was a smack on the lips! Nothing more! That video didn’t even show that I walked out!” Praew defends both of them. She always fights for her truth and she didn’t have tolerance for false accusations.

“Ms. Chantana that is not the point! You were caught doing something obscene in a school toilet! It doesn’t matter if you did it or not because this video is already circulating all over campus!”

“I promise that I’ll have someone take all of those down. But that is really nothing. We-“

“Ms. Chantana that is enough! Both of you are suspended for 1 week. But if another video pops up, I’ll assure you that you’ll receive maximum disciplinary punishment.” The principal didn’t feel that furious in a very long time. And to think that it would come from one of the smartest and most behaved students in the institution was very disappointing.

“Mr. Kanawut do you have anything to say?!” Gulf was being awfully quiet. It wasn’t because of the guilt. He already knew explaining wouldn't make a difference. However, he was contemplating on what had happened. Only one person was there that day. And even though there wasn’t an outright admission that he took a video, there wasn’t anyone else to blame.

“I apologize for the inconvenience, Mr. Lhom. It won't happen again.” He politely bowed his head and took his leave. There wasn’t a hint of sincerity in his apology. It was almost as if he was apathetic. 

Praew followed Gulf while discussing how they could get through the dilemma. But she was being ignored and left behind by her absent-minded friend.

“Gulf, do you know who did this?” She pulled his arm so he could stop walking.

“No.” He lied but it was the truth he wanted. It was much easier if he knew nothing. It would be more acceptable if he didn’t suspect the man he loved.

x

Gulf knew eyes were glued on him. He knew they were talking about him behind his back. But nothing bothered him more than the doubt he was having. _Please tell me you didn’t do it. Please tell me you didn’t hate me that much._

What scared Gulf the most was the fact that he might never hate Mew even if he did the unthinkable. He was scared that he might have fallen deeply in love with him that he would forgive him despite the circumstances.

He was beating himself with what ifs and negative thoughts. Then he asked himself. _What if I still want him even if he doesn’t want me anymore?_

“Gulf?” Tan came up to him. Gulf was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t realize he was the only one left in the room.

“How are you holding up?” Gulf looked at him and shook his head. He wanted the tears to flow freely on his face. He wanted to let go of his guard and just let the pain out but he didn’t want to become more pathetic than he already is.

“Look, I don’t want to add up to the burden. But I think Mild was called by the disciplinary committee because he punched one of his classmates.” Gulf immediately got off his seat and ran to where Mild was. He left Tan without hearing the rest of what he has to say.

Gulf knew Mild too well. He did all kinds of trouble but violence isn’t one of them. However, he does remember Mild promising that he would take a punch for him. Mild declared it at that time when he got bullied by some arrogant elite students in their elementary school. All Gulf had to do was appear in front of them and mention his name. He was someone untouchable because of his high status after all, and even though Mild didn’t care for any of that, he was still thankful that Gulf stood up for him and saved his elementary memories from all the possible torment.

He saw Mild sitting alone outside the student affairs office. He looked unharmed but the look on his face suggested that he was delirious.

“Mild what happened?”

“Gulf are you okay?” Gulf almost laughed as Mild hugged him tightly.

“You just got in trouble and you’re worried about me?”

“That jerk! I still couldn’t believe he would do that to you! If you hadn’t told me that he took that video, he would never get the punch he deserved!”

“Well he never really admitted that he took the video and I didn’t actually look for the evidence.”

“Why the hell are you on his side?! Everyone knows it's him! I couldn’t believe it myself too but Gulf, he was the only one there right? Everything lines up!” Mild was more frustrated than he was. He spilled his heart out without holding back.

“I trusted him Gulf! And to think that he wouldn’t even admit it! I gave him 3 chances to tell me the truth but he kept denying it! So I punched him! If they didn’t hold me back, I could’ve given him more bruises on his face!”

“Where is he now?”

“He ran away while they were holding me back. Fucking coward.”

Gulf didn’t admit that he was worried about Mew. Mild was impulsive and always takes actions first before thinking. He thought that it would have been better if he heard him out first. Because he saw first-hand where things end if someone isn’t willing to listen.

Gulf and Mild’s attention was caught by the sound of someone sneering. Gulf’s eyes furrowed at the sight of the man in front of him. He had the same condescending eyes and obnoxious smirk. 

Praew told him about Kao. The guy she momentarily hanged out with when they were having their problems. He was a good looking man. Tall. A basketball MVP. Charming. Heir of one of the largest chain of restaurants in Thailand. But unexpectedly, he was a known bully. Girls swarmed him though, because he was the typical bad boy every girl wanted.

Gulf questioned what Praew saw in him.

_“He was handsome enough okay? And he’s been annoying me to date him since sophomore year. But you know what, I’m still happy that I chose you over him.”_

He knew Kao smelled like trouble. And honestly, he didn’t like him from the start.

“I guess Suppasit strikes again!” And as usual, Gulf still hates the tone of his voice.

“Hey, is it your hobby to meddle in other people’s business?” Mild scolds him.

“But it’s true isn’t it? It was Mew Suppasit who spread the video like wildfire?”

“You talk as if you know him. But you don’t! Stop acting like an asshole.” Gulf hated it. He didn’t have the right to speak about him in any way.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.” Kao looked at them with anticipation. And when the two friends still had the same look of confusion on their faces, he scoffed.

“I guess you didn’t know Mew got kicked out of his old school for the same reason why you're suffering now.”

“Hey! If you're making shit up, just leave!” Mild was suspicious of his words and actions. They don’t know each other, Yet he was talking like they were close friends.

“A student committed suicide because Mew released a video of him having lewd moments with someone. The rumor is, Mew was so in love with this student that he couldn’t accept the fact that he slept with someone else and so, he took revenge on him in the worse way possible. Sadly for that kid who died, no one made legal actions. And if you didn’t know Mew is also a big shot. So obviously, his family took care of everything and sent him to the United States to let everything die down.” Kao didn’t stutter once. He was so confident with every word falling from his lips.

“I guess all the rumors are true. Isn’t this like déjà vu? I heard that he was very fond of you, Gulf. But too bad for him because he couldn’t seem to win over Praew. Right?” Gulf stiffened. He was getting nervous. First, it was Praew, now it’s Kao. He was very certain that no one knew about his relationship with Mew. Mild was beginning to wonder as well because he would know if word got out that Gulf and Mew were hanging out together. However, Kao was talking about it like it was a known fact.

Kao sighed and shrugged. He went beside Gulf and patted his shoulders.

“Everything is true Gulf, besides who the hell uses the science class’ toilet except for you guys? Who would tire themselves and go up there to use it? Unless… someone had a malicious intent? Like Mew?” 

Gulf and Mild didn’t talk back. It was too much information and no one knew what to make of it. But one thing is for sure. They agreed that Kao made one questionable claim.

x

“Stop here,” Gulf told his driver as they arrived at Mew’s apartment. 

Things were chaotic and very stressful for the both of them. If there was one thing they needed to do right away, it was to sort things out and calmly talk about the truth. 

Things didn’t end well for them. Gulf was totally shattered when he saw Mew lose it for the first time. It terrified him especially when he knew nothing about him. But now he was getting closer to the truth about Mew’s secretive past and he is beginning to understand why he acted that way. 

He knows what he did wrong. He felt that Mew was falling for him too even if he just passed it off as some kind of friendly gesture. He blamed himself for taking too long to accept who he was while making the man he loved wait in agony without knowing what was going on. 

Hearing Mew’s confession through one of his favorite songs was the turning point for him. He finally accepted that he couldn’t let him go. And that no matter what challenges were waiting for him, it's nothing compared to his lifelong happiness he has found in Mew.

He rushed to Mew’s doorstep but as he stood there, he felt so nervous. He didn’t know what to do if he sees his face again. 

He turned the door knob and expected him to be waiting for him but the room was empty. There were no signs of Mew. His place was left in disarray. There was broken glass on the floor. The closet was wide open and his clothes scattered all over. It was as if someone did a robbery. However, he saw Mew’s phone lying on the bed. There was also a handwritten letter beside it.

_Gulf,_

_I hope you believe me when I tell you that I could never hurt you._

_I scared you that day and I’m so sorry._

_I never took that video._

_I don’t know how else to explain it._

_It wasn’t me._

_I would never destroy you._

_But if it’s impossible for you to trust me for the last time,_

_Don’t disappear._

_Promise me you will not disappear._

_I will leave as if I never existed._

_Just don’t disappear._

The letter was like a punch in the gut. Tears dropped on the paper and smudged some of the words. What made things more heart wrenching was that he didn’t sign his name. It was like Mew was starting to fade.

Gulf unlocked the phone on the bed. There were only a handful of photos, but it was all of him. It was all the times when they were together. Most photos were something he would protest on to be deleted. Like those photos where he's sleeping with his mouth wide open or the photo where he drooled over his crispy basil pork. Some photos were of him candidly smiling. He didn’t know he smiled that much when he was with him.

However, only one photo stood up for him. It was the photo of him and Mew which was taken at the department store. The photo that was stuck to the ‘Pride Wall’. He started crying more because he remembered that dumb joke Mew made that had him laughing until his stomach ached. He remembered how happy they were.

His head fell on the bed. He kept his hands on his face and wept harder. He felt a pain he’s never felt before. 

"Please come back. Don’t go." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! How are you today?
> 
> We've been getting a lot of MewGulf moments since yesterday! I guess that's why I updated earlier than usual. 😂
> 
> By the way, as I said last time, I have a new fanfic! I've already published it! I will update with the first chapter as soon as I can! I hope you can support it as well! Check the link below!
> 
> [ https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368446/chapters/66878404 ]
> 
> So how do you feel about this chapter? 
> 
> And as always, thank you for reading!


	10. Special Detective Interrogation Skills

He sat peacefully with a beer in his hand. He was very satisfied with himself.

“What the hell are you smiling at?” His friend screams at him while the loud music drowned people's voices.

Kao shrugged but he couldn’t remove the great pride that was manifesting on his face. He always gets what he wanted. But Praew was particularly difficult. She was a challenge. 

He first met Praew during one of his games. She was undeniably beautiful and so the first thing that came to his mind was to make a move on her even though he was still in a relationship. He has done it before and he couldn’t find a reason why he can’t do it again. 

However, when he first approached her, she gave him a cold shoulder. She wouldn’t even look his way. For someone who had everything, he could attain what he wants with a snap of his fingers . But with her, it felt like she was ignoring him on purpose and it was a huge blow on his pride.

_“You know, you’re going to meet someone in your life that wouldn’t give a shit about what you want. And that’s me.”_ Praew blurts out after she had enough of his endeavors.

_“Maybe if you weren’t so arrogant and actually focused on the person you’re interested in, I would’ve given you a chance. I don’t want to deal with a narcissist.”_

Kao was sure she was comparing him to someone else. Her standards were based on someone and he didn’t like that. He knows that he doesn’t have a pure soul but he was thought that being good would only cause you to be taken advantage of. 

Gulf Kanawut was the only name he heard when he tried finding the people close to her. He was the exact opposite of who he was. At least in terms of personality. 

_“Seriously? That tall skinny nerd from the science class is your competition?”_ He was being made fun of and that added fuel to his jealousy. He was always the first choice. He was always chosen over someone else.

He honestly couldn’t compare himself with the A student. He called him names when he was with his friends. Nerd, walking stick, gay, and other insulting words to make him feel a little better for being rejected by Praew. He felt like he was losing a basketball game to a clearly weaker opponent. 

The news of Praew and Gulf finally dating spread like wildfire in their school. Everyone thought they were a wonderful match. They were the 'friends to lovers' love story that everybody wanted. It was also then when people started noticing Gulf’s charm. Students started seeing he wasn’t just a smart kid from the science class. He was also good looking, well mannered and his reserved ways were actually attractive.

  
  


Finally, Kao saw that he was a real competition. He wasn’t the hottest guy ever body thirst for anymore. It bothered him because never thought he would be pathetically jealous for not being the main man in social media posts. It bothered him that some of his ‘fans’ were getting flustered because of someone else.

But if there’s one thing Kao learned from being a basketball MVP, it is knowing when to step back and assess the situation. He waited for the proper timing because somewhere along the way someone will always slip.

Kao slowly got close to Praew’s friends which was very enjoyable for him because they were easily manipulated and they basically have loose mouths. This was the whole reason why he gradually got close to Praew and took advantage of the fact she was having problems with her boyfriend.

Unknown to Praew, he was actually the one who suggested the ridiculous idea about doing it in the school toilet. Praew’s friends did the job for him and convinced her to do the reckless act. His dark plan was to get her and Gulf on video. After doing that successfully, he thought he could finally control her and that would eventually bring him back to his old self.  
  


He didn’t expect that Praew would do that in desperation. But, what surprised him the most, was Gulf and the abrupt entrance of Mew. While he was hiding in one of the cubicles, he heard their whole conversation after Praew walked out. 

Kao got the feeling that Mew and Gulf’s meeting was going to be something big. And when he decided to watch their every step, he was precisely right.

Things were falling into place for him. Luck was on his side and it kept coming even though he didn’t ask for it. Praew was starting to give in to him. His hunch about Gulf being interested in men was right too. As for Mew, he was coincidentally in the same school as his cousin. He gathered information about him. His past was tragic but most importantly interesting. Kao could easily choose what he wanted from the rumors and fit it into the narrative he would tell when the big reveal comes.  
  


With the odds in his favor, he could proceed with his plans without being held accountable in any way. He grew excited as each day pass.

x  
  


He woke up not feeling a hint of hangover from last night. If anything, he had a good sleep. He threw a party to celebrate his successful plan. He didn’t tell anyone what it was about but then, no one really cared.

He grabbed his phone first and expected a message from Praew but he got a call instead.

“Kao. I need you. Meet me at school. I’ll be waiting for you at the empty classroom on the 4th floor.” He instantly agreed and rushed to her side. Praew sounded distressed. But for him, it was the fruits of his labor. 

x

Praew came into his arms as soon as he arrived. He enveloped her tightly and caressed her back.

“It’s so bad! I can’t believe this is happening!” 

“See, I told you Mew was after Gulf. He should’ve been more careful.” She clutched on to him with her slender arms and he took it as a sign to make a move. 

He placed his hands on her chin and brought his face to hers. It caught Praew by surprise and quickly put a distance between the both of them. “What are you doing?”

Kao ignored her obvious discomfort and attempted to kiss her again. She pushed him harder to stop his motives. However, she couldn’t completely get off his strong grip on her waist.

“We talked about this! Kao, I’m not ready for this!” 

“Oh, spare me Praew! Why would you call me in an empty classroom?! You want this!” Praew was seeing the darkness in his eyes. It hinted that what she was doing was dangerous. He pulled her closer again and went for her neck while beginning to grope her body. 

Praew struggled in his touch but when she saw the opportunity to slap his face and remove herself off him, she did.

“You fucking bitch!”

“This only proves that you’re a psychopath and a disgusting human being!”

“What did you say?!”

“Don’t even think you could get away with what you did! You were the one who spread the video!” 

“You got proof of that?” Kao scoffed.

“Gulf told me you approached him yesterday. You gave such a compelling story but let me ask you this. Why did you keep feeding me information about the both of them? How did you know so much? And how the hell did you know where that video was taken? No one has ever mentioned it, yet you knew exactly where it happened!” 

Kao began to laugh at her claims. “That’s what you got on me?! That doesn’t prove anything!” 

“You must have forgotten what my family does.” The Chantana Group of Companies has many businesses in its name. However, it established its name as the leading telephone company in their country.

“The video was traced back to you.”

“That’s impossible! You’re lying!”

“Your IP address and your exact location which you foolishly left turned on was tracked, Kao. You used one phone to do a mass sending to over 300 people. It won’t be hard to find you.” Kao swallowed hard.

Praew didn’t waver once. He knew she was smart but most importantly straightforward. He was beginning to remember the many times she stepped on his pride because she’s doing it all over again.

“So why did you do it? What the hell is wrong with you?!” Praew’s anger escalated and she started pushing him. Once again, she’s getting unwanted attention. She tried so hard to stop people talking behind her back and yet again she invited the wrong person to step into her life.

“Fine! I did it! Because you fucking deserved it! You’ve insulted me more than anyone I’ve met in my life. Your sharp tongue and condescending ways have always rubbed me the wrong way. You kept pushing me away. And for who? That gay boyfriend of yours who won’t touch you because you’re not a man?!” Kao’s visions were getting dark. He has fostered so many negative emotions and invested so much time in making his plans work but it’s slowly falling apart.

“Then when you had problems with him, you ran to me! You flirted with! You hang out with me! And after you’ve got the comfort you needed, you leave?! Just like that you decided you need time for yourself and completely ignored me again! So tell me Praew, did you have fun playing with my feelings?!”

“You did all of this because you couldn’t get me? How pathetic can you get? All I did was stroke your little ego. And now you feel entitled for more?” She looks back at him and made sure he understood how much she hates him. She honestly thought Kao changed when she started getting close with him. But when she knew about his deceiving nature, she gave up.

“I can’t believe you’re still that abandoned little orphan that no one wants.” Praew knows how to make people tick. She had a foul mouth especially to the people who deserved it. 

Kao was enraged. He launched himself at her and pinned her body against the wall. He was empathic with the way he’s removing her clothes and pressing his body against hers. He was determined to teach her a lesson. She has gone overboard.

“Hey!” Kao was pulled by the shoulders and took a punch without realization.

“Praew! Are you okay?” Gulf took off his blazer to cover her body.

“That was for making me punch the wrong person!” Mild straddled Kao and threw more punches.

“This is for the stupid video! And this is for disrespecting a woman! You’re so full of shit! You’re an asshole!

“Mr. Suttinut that’s enough!” The student members of the disciplinary committee asked for the commotion to be stopped.

“Hey. I can explain! This-“

“Here! Take this. I’ve recorded everything. You saw everything that happened here. Now it’s for you to judge.” Praew hands them the phone that was recording all along. Kao looked at her in disbelief and tried to break free from the hands that were restraining him.

“Kao, Just come with us. You can explain your side in the principal’s office.” Mild got off Kao but his glare wouldn’t leave him. If he could only tear him apart, he will.

“And Mild. I will let this go. But seriously, if you punch another student this week you’ll be suspended.”

“But-“

“No excuses. Now, please take care of Praew.”

Mild followed Gulf and Praew outside. While Gulf was checking up on her, he observed her actions instead. She didn’t cry nor shiver. She wasn’t fazed and she still had the strength to bad mouth Kao. Anyone who would’ve experienced what just happened to her probably couldn’t even walk straight. Even if this was their plan all along and she knew he and Gulf were there to her rescue, what happened earlier was still scary.

Mild was impressed with how she managed her feelings. He finally understood what Gulf meant when he told him that she’s one of the bravest people he knows.

Gulf’s phone rings out of nowhere. “I think I have to take this. Can you watch out for her?”

Mild agreed but he was actually feeling awkward. When they were talking yesterday, Mild enthusiastically shared the integration tips he’s been using to get the truth out of people. But Praew was very limited in her response and just said okay. This disappointed Mild a little because he completely forgot that Praew didn’t really like him.

“I guess your ‘special detective interrogation tips’ worked.” Praew quoted the exact same words he named his suggestions.

Mild’s eyes widened as he looked at her. _Praew? Praew Chantana actually listened to me?_

“What?” Praew asked when he stared a little too long.

Mild flashed a smile and completely turned his attention to her. He got pretty excited and asked her what she did.

“Well, I actually lied about tracking his location and IP address. I actually didn’t have any proof other than all the speculations. I guess it really made him panic because he started spilling the truth.” She giggled.

“That’s my girl! You did great!” Mild unconsciously hugged her as he would normally do with his friends. But the reality hit him that they weren’t close at all. He pulled away and couldn’t look back at her.

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to call you my girl either. It’s um-. Like you know, I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant to say is ‘Good job my disciple!’ Cause you know I don’t just share my ‘special detective skills’ to anyone.” There was a pregnant pause and Mild was getting more flustered the longer the silence got.

“My disciple?” Praew asked making Mild look at her. She suddenly burst out of laughter because Mild’s way of thinking was very childish to her.

Mild started laughing as well and congratulated her for being his first disciple.

They started talking with each other but little did they know that the laugh they shared was the start of something new.

x

Gulf was contemplating whether or not to answer his phone. No one ever calls him. Especially with an unknown number. The only guess he had, rather the only one he wanted it to be is Mew.

It’s just been a day and while he was suspended, he gave his all in trying to find him. He was so desperate that he almost asked Kao where he got his information. He didn’t like being left to wonder about what was going through Mew’s mind. The only piece of evidence he was left with was a phone with almost nothing on it. The contacts in it only consisted of one number. His alone.

He could feel himself going crazy as each day that passes.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Gulf Kanawut?” It was a woman’s voice. Someone young like he was.

“Who’s this?”

“No one important. But I can help you find Mew. It’s the least I could do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been morethan two weeks! One of the reason why I haven't updated was because I made this MG one-shot last week (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27451363). I got so distracted since then and I can't write properly over the past few days.
> 
> Btw, I've fixed the typos in the other chapters and reposted them. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading and please leave your comments!


	11. Gone Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: death/suicide

Lunch will be over in 15 minutes but he hasn't even taken his lunch out of his bag.

"Dude lunch is almost over and that's not even due till next week." Lei was munching some bread while she turned her chair to face Mew. 

"You know I like doing things as soon as I can. Plus, I have already scheduled my week." He was pressing numbers on his calculator while telling Lei his plans. 

Lei rolls her eyes and looks at her best friend with unamused eyes. She honestly doesn't understand his obsession with time and routines. If he didn't laugh at her jokes and if he wasn't a full pledge otaku, she could have mistaken him as a robot. 

She sighs when there were no signs of him stopping. She grabs his lunch box from his bag and laid it in front of him.

"Eat."

"Just one more question." Lei takes his calculator away and scolded him.

"And lunch is almost over. So eat!" Mew pouts and keeps his book because if he didn't Lei would forcefully shove the food in his mouth. 

x

"Okay, class I have an announcement!" The homeroom teacher asks for their attention.

"It's that time of the year where the most brilliant students of this school offer their help to those who are struggling with their classes." The announcement wasn't even over but the science class where groaning at discontent. Every year the school holds free tutoring sessions to cater to the ones who couldn't keep up with the class. It starts in the last quarter of the school year to give failing students a chance to pass the finals. These are all for good intentions but at the expense of those who always have the best grades.

"Oh come on guys! It's only right to share your blessings right? Think of this as making merit! More merits, more good things to come!" Ms. Chin tries to lift the spirits of her obviously annoyed class but they ended up whining more.

"It's only for two months! Don't be so disappointed!" She walks up to each student and gave them each a paper.

"Written in this paper is the name of the student you're assigned with. Who knows? You might spark a new friendship!" No one was buying her optimism but nonetheless, they took the responsibility. 

"Okay! Good luck and happy tutoring!" 

Mew didn't mind helping someone at all. In fact, he was quite excited. Early on, he found out that guiding someone through knowledge was interesting for him. He liked asking questions and vice versa. He thought of it as a great way to communicate well with other people.

"Who you got?" Kaownah asked but he was just starting to unfold the paper. 

The name Aran Paitoon was written in printed letters.

"Oh my god! Lei look who he got!" Kaownah's reaction confused Mew. 

"What? Who is he?" 

"Gosh, this is seriously why a lot of people find you boring. You only know two things, school and all things Japan." Kaownah's words hurt a bit but he wasn't wrong though. 

"Okay listen carefully." He sat on Mew's desk and leaned in closer to have a little privacy. 

“Aran is someone who is hard to ignore. He’s literally a pretty boy. Even I agree that he looks prettier than other girls. And rumor has it that if you pay him any amount he'll do you. People saw him going around a nightclub, asking random strangers if they want to have a good time. Tum saw him once so I guess it's true." Mew blinks a few times before he looked at Lei for confirmation. Lei shrugs her shoulders but doesn't seem to disagree with Kaownah's claims.

"Seriously?"

"Oh, I'm not done yet. They say that he has contracted an STD. And the most shocking part of it all, he still seduces men like he wants them to get it too or something." Mew didn't like what was happening. He always thought of gossips as laughable and he ignores it completely. However, something didn't sit right with him this time. 

"Those are some serious allegations. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Hey, I still give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, I didn't start the rumor." Kaownah says in his defense.

"Well, you're helping spread it. You seriously need to find a new hobby.” 

“Whatever, Saint Suppasit. I’m just trying to warn you.” Kaownah sneered and murmured how Mew was no fun. 

x

"Look I know you don't care for petty rumors. But it won't hurt to be self-conscious."

"Sometimes I feel you're more like my mom than my friend,” Mew says this with a laugh but Lei didn’t find it funny at all. She’s known Mew her whole life and caring for him is as important to her as eating or breathing. She never gave a word to what she was doing for him or what she was feeling. But she continued so because he is part of her life. 

“You prick. Fine, I won't care for you ever again!” Lei stomps her feet and leaves her best friend behind. 

“Lei! I was joking! You know I can’t live without you!” This made her heart skip a beat but she says nothing. As soon as his arms latch around her, she held her breath and hoped her cheeks weren’t changing colors. 

“You just need me because none of our friends are willing to listen to your weekly anime rants.”

“Awwe. Is my pretty bff sulking? You know, our favorite ice cream parlor is still open. I’ll treat you.”

“Fine.” 

If there was one thing she hated about being friends with Mew for about a decade, it’s the fact that she always gives in to his endearment. 

x

Mew was beginning to get irritated when his study partner didn't bother to reply to his messages. He was getting restless and a simple 'okay' would've sufficed to keep him calm. 

The last bell rang but there was still no response. So, he decided to meet him outside of his classroom instead. However, when he arrived he was told that he didn't show up to class the whole day.

"He always does this. I don't think he wants to be tutored." 

Mew hated that kind of attitude the most. Help was kindly offered and he was willing to give his all to contribute to one's success. Yet, he was being deliberately ignored by this guy. He could've easily reported the problem to his homeroom teacher and take off the responsibility given to him but he didn't. Mew was ready to see things through. He felt insulted and challenged at the same time. So instead of leaving things as it was, he decided to get his partner's address and confront him.

x

He arrived at an old apartment building. The place looked dark and dirty. It definitely looked like a place he wouldn't even dare to step into. But he mustered up all his courage and climbed the stairs. 

He stood in front of room B-405. He felt a little nervous because he didn't know who to expect. He admitted to himself that he didn't think things through and was impulsive with his action. _What if he was sick and his parents open the door? What if they get mad at me for being inconsiderate and for barging into their home so suddenly?_

Mew raised his hand and knocked at the door. _Good luck to me._

The door opened immediately after his first attempt. 

It was just as they say. Aran Paitoon was a beautiful man. He was wearing sweat pants and an oversized hoodie. His hair was a mess and the cigarette in his mouth didn't make him look any better. And yet it didn't stop Mew from getting lost in his big brown eyes that displayed innocence. 

"Who the hell are you?" Aran looked at him with attitude.

"Um. I- Mew Suppasit. From the science class, I'm here to tutor you." Aran stared at him for a few more seconds before returning the cigarette back in his mouth.

"Not interested." 

"Wait- Ouch!" Aran slammed the door but he didn't see Mew's hand getting in between. 

Aran panicked when he saw him sitting down in pain. He grabbed his hand and saw his fingers turning purple.

"Fucking hell!" Mew was cursing so much that tears were starting to form in his eyes. 

"Damn it. Get in! I'll get some ice." 

Mew sat on the messy couch. Trash was everywhere and staring at the unorganized space made him feel worse.

"Geez. Why the hell would you do that? Look at what you did to your hand." Aran cringed when he saw his swelled hand. He mentally understood how much pain he was in. 

He sat at the other end of the couch and watched him in agony. He thought that kicking him out after what just happened would leave guilt in his heart and that would be a bother later on. 

“Why did you come here? Didn’t they tell you that I wasn’t interested in whatever you’re doing?” 

"Well, I needed to try harder than just believing what people say. I just really wanted to help okay?" His kindness weirded him out. He was certain that they've never met before. _So why is he so eager to help me?_

Questions clouded Aran's mind because he always believed that no one does anything for free. Then it clicked. 

_He must be._ He thought. Mew must be one of those guys who wanted to get in his pants in exchange for their 'good acts'. It seems boastful of him to assume that it was what he wanted but he is never wrong. Every time someone shows an act of kindness towards him, they immediately ask for something in return. In his case, it always has something to do with sex. The rumors that surrounded him gave him an unwanted label which was probably the reason why everyone thinks he is easy and desperate. He was never given the chance to recover from the lies that were associated with him and now he has to live with it XD for the rest of his high school life.

"What do you want in return then? A hand job? A blow job? Or perhaps... full-on sex?" Aran spewed words of profanity as he closed their distance. He breathed on his neck while touching his thigh. It was his plan to seduce him and reveal his true intentions. But he stopped abruptly. He didn't go any further because Mew pushed him with his uninjured arm and stood up. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?! I'm here to tutor you! I have no intentions of doing illicit acts with you! I didn't listen to what everyone was saying because I want to respect you even before I get to know you! But now..." Mew stopped in the middle of his sentence. He didn't always have the best temper so he held back and didn't want to do any more damage.

"Learn this by yourself then. I'm leaving." He stormed out of the door and left a tote bag. It contained a bunch of review materials that focused on the subjects that Aran was having a hard time with. 

Aran grabbed the books and when he opened them, there were sticky notes with writings on them. He assumed they were Mew's handwriting. He read them and each note was an explanation of the topic. And as he was flipping the pages he felt the guilt that he was trying to avoid earlier. 

_Maybe he is a little different after all._

x

Everything is dark around Mew. He couldn't even force a smile if he wanted to. He had no sleep due to the throbbing pain in his hand and the non-stop questions about how he injured his hand was getting to him. He wasn't pissed because people were being nosy but because he had to make something up to cover up what happened yesterday.

"Oh my god, Mew what happened." He slowly breathed in and reminded himself not to be a jerk.

"It's nothing Lei. Just a little accident."

"What do you mean little?! Look at your hand!"

"Lei please!" She looks at him in shock. Lei didn't think Mew would raise his voice at her so early in the morning.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just... a bad day. Talk to you later." 

Mew wasn't in the mood to talk. No one even tried to talk to him because Lei warned them. She knew at times like this it's better to leave him alone and let him approach people on his own, when he is ready.

x

The day ended with Mew not going back to his usual self. He promised himself to get over whatever was bugging him but the incident just kept crossing his mind. And so as soon as the teacher left, he packed up his bag and planned to go straight home. 

He typically walks home with Lei after class ends because they live a block away from each other. But today he didn't even say good nor did he explain why he was so agitated.

"Hey." Mew flinched. He looked behind him and found the last person he wanted to see laughing at his stunned face. Aran appeared out of nowhere and blocks his way. He glared at him.

"I read part of the book you gave me. I can't believe you use anime-themed sticky notes." Mew moves past Aran. However, he jumped in front of him again and made another attempt to have a proper conversation.

It was as if Mew couldn't hear anything at all. He kept walking away with a straight face.

"Hey! I'm doing my best here!" Aran stops and shouts at him.

"You could start by apologizing first. Don't you know basic social manners?" Mew waited for a few seconds to hear an apology but Aran just stood there without saying a word. He sighed and gave up. _This isn't worth it._

"I really liked how you simplified those formulas and how you added mnemonics on each of them. Some of them sounded stupid but I remembered most of them." Mew was stopped in his tracks. It was the first time someone complimented his technique in studying. 

Mew faced Aran and considered hearing him out once more. 

Aran wasn't good with apologies but someone was waiting for it and he couldn't back out any longer.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I judged you too quickly." The glowering look on Mew’s face slowly faded. He nodded and accepted his apology.

"I guess we can start over again."

x

Aran didn’t expect Mew to forgive him right away and he acted like nothing happened. He wasn’t lying after all. He was indeed serious about helping him with his lessons because it’s been more than an hour and yet Mew was still going on about the importance of converting units. 

“You see, you got this wrong because you didn’t notice that they are in different units. This question was made to confuse you. So always remember to convert. If you're using meter make sure everything in is meter. The same goes for feet. And for the gravity. It’s not always equal to 9.81, it’s different in the english system.” Mew points out his mistakes in his failed physics test.

While it was hard to understand everything he was saying, Aran found himself staring at Mew. It was clear to him that he wasn’t just an ordinary man. He was smart, kind, dedicated, and unexpectedly handsome. He was studying his face and found that his well defined eyes affected him in some way. 

But the most interesting thing about him is how he didn't even mention anything about the gossips. Aran has come to a point where he got tired of refuting everything that's been thrown at him. That's why he doesn't even deny them anymore. He just thought Mew's actions were very unlikely.

"Aren't you a bit curious?" He interrupted him in the middle of his sentence.

"About what?"

"About me." 

"That's bold of you." Mew scoffed making him look like a self-absorbed person. He felt a little embarrassed. 

"I'm sorry to break it to you but not everyone is curious. Like I told you, I'm here to help you study. Now, back to free-falling bodies!"

This oddly puts a smile on Aran's face. His assumptions were instantly shut down but he's glad it did.

x

“Wow. That’s a lot of instant noodles.” Mew comments when Aran opened the cabinet to get some. 

“It’s the only food I’ve got.”

“What do you mean? That’s not good for your health. Won’t your parents get mad?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Speaking of, where are they?”

“Dead.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Aran didn’t say anything back which pressured Mew to talk about something else. 

“Um. Do you have siblings?”

“Yeah. I have a younger sister.”

“That must be nice! Where is she studying?”

“She’s not. She’s getting treated in the hospital but nothing too serious.”

Mew bit his tongue. Those weren’t the answers he was expecting. “I’m really sorry.”

“Are you gonna keep apologizing for things you don’t know about?” Aran laughs to lighten the mood but upon looking at his study partner, it wasn’t working. 

“On second thought, don’t answer. You might say sorry again.” He pours hot water on the cup noodles and closed the lid. 

“Tell me about yourself.”

“Why would want to know me?”

“Well unlike you, I’m actually interested in the person I’m studying with.” 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t interested in getting to know you. I just don’t really care about the rumors.” 

Mew started talking about himself. He told him about what he likes and what he dislikes, his favorite food, the places he wanted to visit, and even the shows he’s currently watching. 

It became clear that both of them didn’t have much in common. But this is what kept them intrigued about each other.

They didn’t realize at that moment but it was their differences that pulled them closer.

x

Weeks passed by, but the bond they created couldn’t be measured by time. Tutoring sessions were only supposed to be 3 times a week and an hour a day. But Mew exceeded the required hours, not because he wants to but because time seems to pass so swiftly in Aran’s company. He knew him like no else did. He saw how precious and how warm-hearted he was. He found it hard to believe that he was being ridiculed when he clearly is a different person from the names that he's being called.

As much as they both wanted a casual and friendly discourse, they couldn't deny that something unexpected was developing between them.

Aran made the first move despite the big possibility of being rejected or worse be put to shame. All he wanted was, to be honest with his feelings.

He kissed him without even knowing if he was into the same sex. 

When his actions were quickly reciprocated, he felt the bubble of dread and worry burst. It felt good. It felt good to be loved. 

"Why would you do that? Do you know what's going to happen to you when people find out?"

"I don't know but I don't care."

Aran looks at him and fights the tears that were coming. He thought that if he was going to do this, he would need Mew to know even just a portion of the truth about him. It wasn't about coming out clean. It was about revealing the flaws and darkness that was now slowly being mended with the love that he was receiving.

"I do work at that night club."

"Aran..."

"But it's not what you think! My job is to go around and invite customers in and sometimes I need to use my charm to lure people in. After that, I help clean and fix the place. That's it. None of the things they were saying is true." Aran trembled while pouring his heart out. No one has ever heard his story and today was the first time he felt like being unchained.

"I have no choice but to work for them. They pay for schooling and for the food me and my sister eats. I'm just trying to do my best for my sister. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her" As soon as tears flowed, Mew pulled him into his arms and gave him the best comfort he could give. 

Aran's father made a lot of bad decisions before he had a family. He didn't think things through and thought he could leave a gang easily. He fought for his freedom but the enemy was too big for him. As a consequence, he was framed and betrayed by the same people he worked with for years. He was blamed for the stolen money and was forced to choose between death or pay the non-existent debt. The only option he could choose was the latter. After all, he had two children to live for. He really worked hard and eventually paid off the money. However, bad luck just won't let his family go because he and his wife both died in a freak accident along with 8 other people. No one would take his children in after what happened. And so that gang took advantage of the situation and figured they could still milk money from the son he left.

"And as I'm getting older they're trying to tell me that I should consider physical interactions with customers so I could pay for my school fees quickly and even save up for college. I'm so tired with life that I'm considering doing that ridiculous idea."

"Don't you even dare think about it! Look, I can help you with the school. You'll get your education for free."

"But Mew, that's not what I want."

"Listen. I can get you a full scholarship for your senior year. You will be a beneficiary of my family. My parents sponsor education for those in need all the time. This isn't a big deal."

"It's not a big deal you! But for me, it feels like I'm a burden."

"Fine. If it makes you feel better, It won't be for free. You have to pay me with good grades and an admission to a good college. Is that enough?"

Aran wanted to protest but no words were coming out. 

"Wouldn't you rather owe someone like me rather than those people who do nothing but deceive and take advantage of others?" Aran was trying to process what was happening. He just wanted to tell his story but he ended getting something more.

"I will help you the best that I can, just promise me you won't come back to that place. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

x

Lei was worried for Mew since the beginning and her concern was only growing as he spends more time with that boy. 

Mew is starting to be the topic of gossips. His daily meetups with Aran were spreading like wildfire. It was obvious that it wasn't for the tutorials anymore. Not even she and her study partner, with who she grew close, was meeting every day.

She didn’t like what she was hearing but most importantly she didn’t like seeing the changes in him.

She never gets to talk with him anymore. Her relationship with him has never been this bland. Something didn't feel right.

One afternoon she stops him in the corridor and confronted him about what was happening. But instead of asking why he never spends time with her anymore, she focused her frustrations on his newfound interest.

Her accusations rubbed Mew the wrong way because she was attacking Aran without even knowing him. 

"Don't tell me that you've fallen for him. Mew out of everyone in this school why would you choose someone with a stained reputation?!" 

"Stop acting as if I owe you an explanation for everything that's happening in my life. And how can you speak so cruelly of someone you haven't even tried to know? You're the last person I would peg to have such an attitude. Turns out you're just like them."

It was the last conversation she had with Mew. She didn't understand why she was so infuriated with Aran's name. The only conclusion she could come up with is that she's feeling jealous and betrayed at the same time.

She’s been ignoring the feelings that were impatiently finding their way out. She was in love with her best friend for so long and yet someone new comes along and Mew falls for him so easily. 

X

Hoon approached Lei first. She knows him but they've never really talked before. She found it weird that he was suddenly starting a conversation. 

“You know it’s only gonna get worst for him. And It’s very obvious that you’re in love with him. I’m sure you want to protect him.” Lei was taken aback. No one has said it out loud before so she thought her feelings stayed hidden. 

“I can help you.” Hoon offers. 

“Why are you doing this?”

“I have my own reasons. Trust me, you’ll get him back in no time. Just follow what I tell you.” It unlikely for Lei to make hasty decisions but she agreed with her emotions taking the lead. 

“Okay. The first thing you need to do is get back on your friend’s good side.”

x

Hoon hated Aran from the very first time he met him.

His father instilled in him the very same hatred he had for Aran’s father. 

Mr. Paitoon was the gang leader’s favorite. He did his job quickly and neatly, leaving no room for questions. When he decided to leave, Hoon’s father took over. But he was nothing compared to Mr. Paitoon and for that he was beaten up and humiliated. This encouraged him to take revenge and frame him up.

He kept these details away from his son. 

Hoon ill-treated Aran due to the influence of the man he respected. Yet he still got hung upon him. Aran affected him in every way. 

However, it was too late. Aran bottled so much hatred towards him that the moment he tried to tell him what he truly feels, only words of disgust and loathing was all he received. And for this, he started the rumors and slandered him.

“What do you mean to let him go?” Hoon asked his father at the dinner table. 

“Apparently someone he was given a scholarship by the biggest shareholders of the school. His sister will be released from the hospital too. Basically, we don’t have any hold on him anymore. And the boss would be moving on to another interest in a few months. We’re done with him.”

Hoon couldn’t let it go. He can’t stand that he was getting off the hook. Thus, when news came that Aran’s sister had an unanticipated complication after being almost discharged from the hospital, he saw it as an opportunity to get Aran back on his leash. 

“I heard she needs immediate surgery and it won't happen without any down payment. Are you going to shamelessly ask your boyfriend to pay for it again?” Aran’s eyes were filled with remorse. 

“Or will you come back and work for me again?” 

That day Aran broke his promise. He didn’t tell Mew about his sister’s real condition because he knew he would act up on it again. His sister was his responsibility. He has to be the one who’ll take care of her.

While he wore a happy facade when he was with the man he loved, he wasn’t proud of the lies he’s been telling him in order to sneak back to the bar he works at.

He didn’t want to break his heart but he needs to set his priorities straight. 

x

Lei did as she was told and slowly reconciled with Mew. It was eating up her pride and heart but she accepted it all with the thought he can get him back. 

“These days I feel like he’s hiding something from me.”

“So I guess it's true,” Lei muttered. 

“What is?”

“Oh. Nothing. I don’t want us fighting over this again.”

“Please tell me.”

“Well, people started seeing him at the club again and they say he’s hanging out with different men every night. I’m not saying it’s true but...”

Mew connected all the dots. He’s starting to understand why he’s been acting so strange and why he was so particular about not getting in touch during night time. 

“Do you want to see it for yourself? I can come if you want.”

x

Aran was hitting his limit. He was working twice as hard to pay for the medical bills but he realized that it will never be enough.

A man kept following him through the night. He knew what he wanted. 

“Can you stop following me? I’m not an escort.” 

“I know, but someone told me you need the money badly. I just need company, I won't do anything you’ll oppose to.” It was suspicious but he also thought of the possibility that the man was genuine. 

“Let me help you and your sister.” Aran knew that Hoon was behind this but the money offered was hard to resist. _It’s for you. For you._

He warned the man that he would immediately leave if he makes a move. The man did stick to his word and only talked about himself. Aran wasn’t solely focused on him because the other part of him was thinking of Mew and how he might react.

He was sacrificing his chance at happiness in exchange for the only family he had left. 

“What are you doing? Stay away.” They were in a room with a bed and dimmed lights, it wasn’t looking good. 

“I just want a kiss.”

“That’s not what we talked about.”

“I promise not to do anything except make out. I will double the initial payment. Do trust me.” 

Aran was thinking but it wasn’t much help. 

“It’s just kissing. You could save your sister’s life.” The temptation, the guilt, and the hope swept him away. They all took advantage of his dilemma and at this point, he might as well just give in to everyone’s deceit. 

“Let’s get it over with.” Aran was pushed on the bed and they started making out. He didn’t feel comfortable at all but he forced himself to go with the flow. He distracted himself the best he could but to no avail. He wanted to stop. He wanted it to end. 

“Get off him!” When he opened his eyes he saw the man being pushed outside while being threatened to be brought to the police. 

Mew’s eyes were full of rage not at the man who just left but at him. 

“You didn’t stop. You didn’t complain. In fact, you were pulling him close to you.”

“Mew it’s not what you think. I-“

“So it really is you. You’ve been with different men every night. Is this why you were lying about where you were every night?” Mew wasn’t wrong he did lie. 

“No! This is the first time that I’ve ever done this. Those other nights, that wasn’t me!” No words were coming out good. He himself hears how distasteful he sounds. 

“Your first time?” Mew scoffed. “You gave me your word and yet here you are coming back to this place. Isn’t my help good enough?!” 

Tears were streaming on Aran’s face. He wanted to tell the truth but the resentment in Mew’s eyes was too much. It felt like he will never get his message across. However, he still took a shot and hugged him. 

“I love you. You know that right?” A forceful push made Aran lose his grip and eventually made him fall to the ground. 

“You’ve been with different men all night and yet you still have the guts to lie to me?”

“Mew, Why won’t you listen to me? I already told you it wasn’t me.” He tells him but Mew was already deafened by negative emotions. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m leaving.” His last words shattered him to the core. He was back to zero again. Nothing good was left in his life and he isn’t expecting him to come back again. 

Depression was sinking in fast. Nothing is right. Nothing is clear. He couldn’t see the point of continuing on. But the image of his younger sibling flashed, so he took a step back and looked for ways to be stronger. _For you and our future._

x

Mew could feel the intensity of the stares of the students. They glared at him and their faces expressed disgust and judgment. Yesterday was normal but today it felt like he was under the spotlight. 

"Mr. Suppasit, you're called at the principal's office." He didn't even get the chance to talk to Lei and ask her what was happening. But he complied at went.

"When was the last time you saw Aran Paitoon?"

"Three days ago."

"Where?"

"Outside the school premises." Mew didn't reveal any more details and for that, the adults didn't buy it.

"You mean at a night club?" Mew's hands began to turn cold. The pressure from the looks of the principal, guidance counselor, and his advisor was a lot.

"Three days ago Mr. Paitoon was seen at a nightclub which catered to clients who are looking for certain 'services'. Coincidentally, you were there too. Would you like to explain?"

"It's not what you think! I went there to confront him about a problem!" Mew began to panic, not for himself but for the trouble Aran could be in once they found out he took a client that night.

"Confronting him by taking a video of him doing illicit acts and spreading it to the whole school?" His advisor was the most furious. She has such hope for her student and yet something like this happens.

"What?" Mew was confused. As words came his way the more lost he felt. He was suddenly accused of taking revenge on Aran by spreading a scandalous video of him. And the say he allegedly did it because of jealousy. A student tipped the school about his whereabouts and the security footage proved it to be the case. 

"Mew you need to tell us the truth now." The guidance counselor said in the calmest way possible.

"No! I didn't do it! I would never do that to him! Yes, he was with someone that day but I stopped him! I was really only there to talk to him."

"Mew, Aran hasn't been to school for the last three days. We really need your cooperation. This is serious. You could get expelled." He looked at them one by one and saw that they already made up their minds. He was trapped and helpless. 

_You must have felt this way your whole life._

x

Lei rushed to Hoon as soon as she saw the video. It was all him but she also took part in his little game.

"This is not what we talked about! You told me you only wanted Mew to be out of his life. What the fuck did you do?!"

"That slut deserved what came his way. And your friend just happened to be the catalyst for his suffering. It was his own fault for falling in love with him. He knew the consequences and he got it."

"Hoon! You overstepped your boundaries! I never wanted Aran to go through that! How could you do that to someone?!"

"Like it or not Lei, you're part of the reason why it did." Hoon had a grim look on his face. She knew she made a big mistake.

"Lei?" She didn't want to hear her name from him. But Mew was already standing behind her. 

"Mew I can explain." He stepped back when she approached him. She held his hand to stop him from going further away.

"I didn't mean for it to come this far. But don't worry, I will explain to them what happened. I will take all the blame. I will apologize to Aran as well. I'm so sorry--" Her voice breaks and she held back her tears.

"I just wanted to protect you." Mew turns his back on her. 

"Mew." She chases after him and begged for his forgiveness. 

Her words were only passing through his ears and he wasn't really hearing her pleas. Nothing was making sense. Until he heard his name again.

"Oh my god, they said there were police in Aran's house!"

"Seriously?! What the hell happened? That's so scary!" It was yet another gossip but for the first time, Mew believed it.

x

It was true, there were police in the apartment complex. The red and blue lights were flashing and people gathered around. Mew didn't want to ask questions. He wanted to know the truth by himself. So he didn't hesitate to run up to Aran's apartment. 

"Excuse me, are you a resident?" He was stopped at the entrance by a police officer.

"Move! I want to see him! I need to make sure Aran is okay!"

He was still being blocked from entering however the officer asked him a question that dreaded him.

"You know the victim? Aran Paitoon?"

"Victim of what? What the hell are you talking about?!" Mew was enraged this time. He felt like everyone was making things up to rile his feelings. It was as if they were playing a joke on him to make him lose his mind. 

"A young man from B-405 passed away. The initial suspicion is suicide but we would still need to check if there was foul play. Now sir, do you mind if we ask you some questions about Aran Paitoon?" 

"Stop lying to me! Let me in I need to see him!" Lei decided to intervene. She apologized for his actions and tried to calm him down.

"Let us through!" A group of me called out and soon a body covered in white cloth was carried out of the premises. When Mew saw the lifeless hand that dangled wearing a bracelet that matched his, it began to settle in. Aran was gone. Aran wasn't coming back. 

Mew's legs gave out and he fell to the ground. Lei rushed to his side and held him close. 

He finally exploded. The rush of extreme emotions drowned him. The despair and agony pushed a stake so deep into his heart that it left him bleeding. He never felt a pain so big and heavy before, it was suffocating him. 

As he remembered how things ended between them, he started pointing the blame at himself. "It's my fault? Isn't it?"

The look on his face terrified Lei. His eyes widened and he wasn't breathing steady. 

"Mew. Breathe, please." She didn't know if he could understand her but he was holding her hand tightly.

Lei knew he needed help. He needed to be saved.

x

Lei never saw Mew again. He fled to another country and vanished completely that he didn't get the chance to know the truth. 

She knows he blamed himself for what happened and she kept hoping that one day she could meet him again so she could let him know that it wasn't the case.

He refused to be found and she respected that he wanted to start a new life. However, this didn't stop her in her mission to find him and set him free. No matter how hard it was she was eager to repent from her sins.

Eventually, she did find him. He was in a new city and in a new school, restarting his life. For a moment, she hesitated to reach out and only watched him from far away. 

She saw him get up, heal, and fall in love again. She was happy for him and considered just leaving what she's been meaning to say for later. 

However, another predicament happened and she knew she had to do something because this time he might not survive the trauma. 

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Gulf Kanawut?” Her heart was beating so fast. 

“Who’s this?”

“No one important. But I can help you find Mew. It’s the least I could do.” This was it. This was her chance to make up for all the mistakes she has made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! First of all sorry it took me so long to update!
> 
> A lot things happened this past few weeks that I didn’t notice that a month has already passed. Time goes by so fast that I can’t keep track of it any more.
> 
> This chapter is the longest I’ve written. I tried to shorten it as much as I could but I hope I’ve told Mew’s past substantially.
> 
> Also, there might be typos. I will fix it once the series has ended.
> 
> Thank you for waiting for my update.
> 
> And good news! This is the last angst chapter. I know you’ve been waiting for it to end 😅.
> 
> By the way. Regarding your comments, I only reply when I update. So, sorry if I can’t reply right away.
> 
> What do you think of this chapter? I Hope you liked it ❤️


	12. Promise by the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Gulf's POV 

  
The weather is topping 36 degrees and yet my hands are cold. I couldn't decide on which direction I should be glancing at since I arrived. Lei, as she called herself, was coming at any given moment, however, I still don't how to make a fruitful conversation with her. She wouldn't give me any information about herself asides from being Mew's old friend and that she wanted to help.   
  
I was scared of two things. First is how she found out about what happened. Second, is what exactly does she know about Mew's past.  
  
"Gulf Kanawut? It’s me Lei."  
  
A woman with long black hair and brown almond eyes stood before me. She was young yet her beauty and her sophisticated clothes displayed her maturity.   
  
I pressed my hand together and bowed my head. I remembered that Mew was older than me and I assumed that she must be too.   
  
I offered her to take a sit and called the waiter to take her order.   
  
“It must confuse you that some stranger suddenly offers you help.” I nodded my head. It was very unlike me to talk to strangers but I was already rife with pessimistic thoughts, which are nothing but assumptions. I’m desperate to hear the truth and Lei looks trustworthy enough.  
  
“Mew was my friend. My best friend to be exact. We were always together and at one point we couldn’t even imagine not being in each other’s life. I was the closest to him and yet I was the one who hurt him the most.” She looks out the window as she reminisced about her life with him. The way she expressed her regrets and woes were not of a friend... but of someone who loved in great depth.  
  
“I only wanted to protect him. I based my decisions on what I thought was best for him. I guess I was wrong. Maybe the love I devoted to him was nothing but baneful.”   
  
Lei proceeded to tell a story from almost two years ago. She told me how Mew met Aran and how his kind heart lead him to love unconditionally and without a care for what others would say. But fate isn’t as kind. After all, only a few are considered the lucky ones.   
  
The hairs on my neck stood up when she told me about the unpropitious consequences he had to go through for following his heart. It made my resentment towards Kao grow more. He knew how traumatizing that video scandal was for Mew and yet he had the audacity to make him go through it again. And for what? For his hurt pride?   
  
“He was wrong. He wasn’t the reason why Aran took his own life. But he flew to the States before I had the chance to tell him. I kept it to myself for so long since I heard he was taking therapy there. A year later he came back. He was so different and cold. I followed him silently and saw the apathy in his eyes. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to ease his pain... Until the day that you came. Nothing brightened him up more than you did. You gave him the chance he’s been longing for. I was so happy to see him smiling again. You saved him.”  
  
I bit my lip. Now, I couldn’t stop thinking of all the times I became selfish. "No, I didn't. I took him for granted, expecting he would patiently stand by me. By the time I figured out what I felt formhim, it was too late. If I only told him sooner, this wouldn't have happened."   
  
"You have to stop taking the blame for something you didn't cause. I've seen him do it and it won't make anything better. We have to find him and bring him back to you. Stop beating yourself up. The both of you will get through this." She gently placed her soft hand on top of mine. It felt nice to take comfort in her words. And although his absence disheartens me, I had to focus on finding him.   
  
x  
  
"I've been in touch with my connections at the airport. So far, no one with his name has booked a flight or flew out of the country in the past 3 days. So there is a big chance that he might still be here."   
  
I took her to his apartment to find clues on his whereabouts. His place didn't have anything but action figures and a handful of furniture but I'm still hoping there is something to find.   
  
"I guess some things never change." Lei brushed her fingers through his toy collection. She laughs as she named some of them and identifies from which show they came from.   
  
“The reason why he collects them is to cope with loneliness. His parents are great. They’re pretty cool and fun but overseas work always calls them. Mew didn’t complain very often and resolves his problems on his own. That’s why he jumped in the world of animation to forget that he was alone.” She talks about him comfortably and as I listened I couldn’t help but feel jealous. She knows him from head to toe while I didn’t even know the simple fact that he hates fatty food. That day he took me to my favorite restaurant must be uncomfortable for him.   
  
“He didn’t leave anything else?”  
  
“He left his phone. But I couldn’t find anything.” She asked if she could take a look and I let her. And as soon as she opened his phone she knew exactly how to find him.   
  
“Phromthep Cape.” It was his home screen. It showed the Cape under the bright blue skies and surrounded by the vast sea.   
  
“He always wanted to go here because it’s where-“  
  
“It’s where the sun meets the sea.” I finished her sentence.  
  
Why did I just realize it now? He told me about this place before.   
  
“What’s so special about that?” I sounded so unromantic but it wasn’t what I was aiming for.   
  
We were talking about our dream destinations. And out of all the places, he chooses a tourist spot in Phuket.  
  
“It’s the best place to watch the sunset!” He defended his answer while frowning at my comment.   
  
He was playing with my hair. I don’t let anyone touch it but I let him because I didn’t have the energy to tell him to back off after our little session.  
  
“There’s just something so beautiful in seeing the sun drown in the sea while it leaves some of its warmth on the cold surface. Isn’t it amazing that we could see the day end and watch it start over again? Like it’s telling us that we could start on a clean slate every day.” I didn’t interrupt him. If I were to be completely honest, I love hearing him talk. He speaks with so much sense and erudition. No one would peg him. But sometimes the string of words that escapes his lips are like poetry.   
  
“But a time came when I stopped believing that everyone should be given a second chance. Some people just make irreversible and unforgivable mistakes." He dropped beside me and stared at the ceiling. The look in his eyes suggests that he was talking about himself.  
  
"You can tell me if you want." It was my first attempt to get to know his broken heart. I know what we have won't last long but maybe it wouldn't hurt to get to know the person I was spending most of my time with this couple of days.  
  
"Maybe someday." He broke the seconds of silence with hesitation but I respected his decision.   
  
“You might not have forgiven yourself. But maybe that person already has.” He resented himself more than anyone else. It scared me how he treats himself as if he hasn’t done anything right when all he has ever been to me is good.  
  
“Not everyone should get a second chance. But don’t you think those who suffer the same amount of pain to repent from their sins deserve to heal? Even just a little?” I placed my hand under his and rubbed it with my thumb.  
  
“You think so?” He raised himself while being surprised. Has no one comforted him before?  
  
I sat up as well. I placed my hand on his cheek and nodded. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”  
  
Without warning, he put his lips on mine. I kissed back, letting my fingers wrap around his neck.  
  
“When we graduate. Do you want to go with me to the cape? I want to see the sunset with you.” I was drunk on his kiss and there’s something about the way he looks at me that makes me want to agree with anything he says, no matter how absurd.  
  
“Yes.” The word managed to slip out my mouth even if there was no assurance.  
  
He gently pushed me back in bed and continued to shower me with pleasure. The plan was spontaneous and so was my decision. However, a part of me wanted to fulfill the promise.  
  
x  
  
Never in my life did I expect that I would be happy about being suspended. If not for the punishment, I wouldn't be here looking for him.  
  
We took a plane straight to Phuket. I was worried about the things that would and would not happen. There was an impending emotional breakdown.   
  
But nothing got in my nerves more than making the mistake of letting Mild tag along in this pursuit.  
  
"Geez! Stop twisting and turning! You're giving me a headache."  
  
"I don't ride planes often Gulf. Won't you have a little sympathy for your friend?!"  
  
"Then why come?" I glared at him. He was like a child who's having irrational fears.  
  
"I want to apologize for punching Mew! I'm being a good friend here even if I'm feeling so dizzy!"  
  
"Mild I swear to god if you puke on me, I will lock you in the bathroom and won't let you out till the plane gets you back to Bangkok." Mild grabs my arm and begs me not to proceed with my evil thoughts.  
  
"Would you want some candy? It could ease your dizziness."  
  
"Phi Lei..." He looks at her like she's his savior and grabbed the bottle of candy she offered him.  
  
"I don't think that would work. Maybe I should just hit his vagus nerve so he passes out."   
  
Mild holds his neck while slowly retracting and sitting properly. He ate a piece of candy and zips his lips. He knows I’m being serious.  
  
“I love your friendship.” Lei has only witnessed our cat and dog interactions for a few hours but she's already talking nonsense.  
  
"You're worried aren't you?" I nodded. We may be near the end of the tunnel but what awaits scares me deeply.  
  
"We've already confirmed that his in Phuket. I'm sure we will find him." If not for her connections, finding him would be nearly impossible. Today is the fourth day of his disappearance. Who knows how long it would take if Lei didn't show up?  
  
However, right now, I'm more concerned about how he'll react if we finally met. Does he want to see my face again? Does he even want to be found?  
  
"Don't think too much. Nothing good comes out from thinking too much."  
  
x  
  
While Mild had the biggest appetite when we landed, I didn't have any. We arrived around noon. The sun was high and it was blazing hot.  
  
"Hey, eat up! You will need the energy." Mild was stuffing his cheeks with food as if he was a chipmunk getting ready for winter.  
  
I refused to take anything but a cold drink because this time I was the one getting nauseous. There were butterflies in my stomach and I doubt food will help. I begged Mild to just swallow everything on the table so we can leave.  
  
We roamed around town while asking random people about his whereabouts. As expected it was hard. Each "No" and "I don't know" could take a toll on you. It's not only physically draining but also mentally exhausting.  
  
Lei suggested that we split up and I know exactly where I want to go.  
  
"I'll be heading to Phromthep Cape. It's why he came here in the first place right?"  
  
"But Gulf, it's about 3 hours till sundown."  
  
"I know. But I'd rather wait than miss my chance."  
  
x  
  
I hiked my way up to the cape. There were a few tourists but each time someone heads my way I watch them closely to the point that they might feel uncomfortable. I had to make sure I won't pass him by.  
  
I reached the viewpoint and it was not busy at all. The scenery was exquisite. I couldn't imagine how much beautiful it could get when sunset comes.  
  
As much as I was tempted to walk down to the end of the cape, I stayed where I was. I didn’t want to risk the chance of us missing each other. If he comes here, we will surely cross paths.  
  
Waiting made me reflect on so many things. Our story started in the most peculiar way. Anyone who would ask about it would probably laugh at how absurd it is. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. If not for the problems with Praew, if not for the incident in school, and if not for my stupid, unusual decisions... I might still be stuck with my old self who is confused and couldn’t admit his reality. When I prayed for things to change in my last year of high school, I only wanted something memorable to take with me before starting a new journey. I am a boring person who only has 2 close friends and books to keep me company. I was strictly following the rules that I forgot that there’s such thing as taking a risk. Maybe I was scared of taking responsibility for something I couldn’t control... Like Mew. With him, I was forced to see what I was missing. I was forced to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the danger. But most of all I was forced to accept myself. And it was all because he loved me carefully and truthfully. Now it's my turn to return the favor. Nothing will be easy from this point. I have to deal with what people would say and worst, what my father would do. But it's okay. As long as he comes back to me it's okay.  
  
The forecast says the sun will set at 5:30 pm. The skies are turning orange and the breeze is cooler. Each moment that passes by at this point makes my heart beat faster and faster. It takes only a few minutes before the sun fully sets and yet he is nowhere to be found.  
  
The sun did meet the sea. The water was painted with warmth while the blue and yellow skies blended into a beautiful palette. So this is what he's been longing to see.  
  
I didn't notice the tears falling on my cheeks. The surroundings got dark and street lights were turned on one by one. There’s still no signs of him.  
  
It was leaving a big hole in my heart but that doesn't mean I would stop.  
  
"I doesn't matter when. But I will come back to this place over and over again until the day you appear." I swore and made sure the sea hears it loud and clear. It was time to go and I should call it day.  
  
  
  
"You will?"  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! 
> 
> I'm here to announce that there are only 2 chapters left. This should've been the second to the last chapter but I decided to add anothe one because this fic is very special to me. 
> 
> I'll stop now. I don't want to be emo yet 😂. 
> 
> What do you think of this chapter of this chapter? 
> 
> As always, thank you for your support! Every reader means a lot to me! ❤️


	13. Where the Sun Meets the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter!
> 
> However, there will be an epilogue after this. 
> 
> Before reading, I just want to thank everyone who patiently waited for my updates and encouraged me through kind comments. 
> 
> As you’ve read in my first author’s note, this is the first AU/Fanfic I’ve written in 4 years. If I haven’t met MewGulf I don’t think I would even go back to writing. 
> 
> And to be honest, I wouldn’t even continue writing if no one reads this. I was really only expecting a couple hundred reads but then it exceeded a thousand. 
> 
> You don’t know how happy I am every time I get notifications. I’m not the best story teller but here you are. 
> 
> To you, who is reading this... you’ve given me so much joy and I hope i’ve given you a good read too 🥺
> 
> I will keep on writing and I will continue to improve myself. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the end of The Curious Theory of Kissing!
> 
> By the way... Are you curious of the visuals I have of MewGulf while writing this? Well, See the photo below!

"You will?" My heart stops.

I was afraid to turn around. What if I was just hearing things? What if it's just an imagination.

"Gulf." I choked on my tears as my emotions were uncontrollably overflowing. It has to be him. It needs to be.

I was pulled by the shoulders to face my reality. He looked at me with the same eyes and I hated it. I should be the one concerned. I should be the one worried. Not him.

"Gulf, Why-" I punched him before he could finish his sentence. I was shaking in anger. He deserves my rage.

"You've hurt me more than anyone else. You've put me through so much shit then you just disappear with no explanation! You're a fucking coward!"

"I know. But I don't know how else to make you believe after the last time we met. I'm sure you've already heard the stories. I'm not a good man Gulf." He couldn't look me in the eyes. He was scared and unsure of himself, so, I grabbed his face and kissed him. There was the taste of blood and tears but I melted in our kiss anyway. My heart suddenly feels light. He is now beside me and I could feel him. I don't think I could ever let him go.

"It offends me that you assume that I would think that way. Do you think I'm stupid? I already know your true story Mew and even if I didn't, do you honestly think I don't trust in what happened between us?" He wasn't saying anything but as I wiped the tears rolling down his face, he looks at me with regretful eyes.

"Gulf I-"

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry too." I hushed him and let him rest his head on my shoulder. I didn't like what he did but I understood. Now, all I want to do is heal the cracks in his heart. Make it stronger and better.

"You know, for a big guy who rides a Harley Davidson and acts cool all the time, it would be hilarious if people found out you're a cry baby who has a thing for cartoons."

"It's called anime. They're not cartoons." He buried his face on my neck making his words muffled.

"Really, that's what you're concerned about?" I pulled him closer and enjoyed the rare moment where he's the one wrapped around my arms.

My phone rings and disturbed our moment. I wanted to be annoyed but I remembered that Lei and Mild were probably so worried.

"Gulf, we are coming up to the cape. We couldn't find him. We've searched everywhere and--"

"I found him."

"You found him. Sorry, Gulf we might need to -- Wait what did you say?!"

"I said I found him!" A chuckle escaped my lips.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Me and P'Lei are almost near! Don't move okay?!" Mild forgets to hang up the phone and just kept making noises.

"Who was that?"

"Mild. He insisted on coming to apologize for punching you." Mew laughs. He must have missed him too.

"By the way. There's someone who's been wanting to talk to you for a long time."

"Who?"

"Just wait." I didn't want to scare Mew off. No one knows how he will react when he sees Lei again. But I wanted him to finally talk to her and find some closure.

We sat on the pavement while I held his hands. It was almost as if I was scared he would be taken away by the wind.

"Mew! Mew Suppasit!!!" Mild screams as soon as he saw us. There were still a few people around the viewpoint and I felt embarrassed when they gave us weird looks.

He jumps on Mew and gave him a tight hug. I felt bad for Mew because he was being suffocated and was probably suffering from the smell of sweat. But no one ever breaks free from Mild's hug unless he says so.

"I'm so sorry! Kao that fucking prick was the culprit! But I've already punched him 3 times. It should've been more! I’m really really sorry! You know I love you, bro!" Mild was crying awfully. It was hard to watch.

I waited for Lei to follow after Mild but she still wasn't coming.

"Mild. Where is she?"

"Well, she said she forgot something and went back without saying anything more. When I asked, she wouldn't even turn around."

I immediately ran to get her. This was her chance to redeem herself. This was her chance to set things straight and let her move on peacefully. I'm not letting her miss this chance.

I got to her in no time. I called her name and she finally stopped.

"P'Lei, what's wrong? Why are you leaving?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea to appear again after he's finally found his happiness. I don't want to ruin anything. You can just tell him the truth about Aran. So he can finally be free." She was about to leave again so I ran in front of her to block her way.

"No Phi. It's your responsibility to tell him. Didn't you tell me you wanted to make up for the things you've done? This is your chance." I held her hand and gave her the same assurance she's been giving me this whole time we've known each other.

"I don't know what will happen either. But don't you think it's better to try than just keep wondering for the rest of your life? You said at one point you were inseparable. It might not be the same anymore but that bond doesn't just fade." I needed to persuade her. She can't back out now.

"And didn't you just tell me not to overthink things? Phi, let's go."

Lei gave in and we walked back to where I left Mew and Mild. She held on to my shirt from behind. The tightness on how she was gripping it told me how nervous she was.

I saw Mew again and he had a confused look on his face.

"It's time P'Lei." I stepped away and so did Mild. There was great tension in the atmosphere but it was something that needs to be broken.

"Lei? Is that you?" Mew comes closer to her and she froze. She didn't speak at all.

"It is you. It's been so long since we've last met." She still wasn't responding so I started to worry.

"How have you been?"

"Mew, I'm sorry for everything. I didn't get the chance to fix my mistakes and for that, I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted you to be happy, nothing more." She falls on her knees as if she was begging him. Mild tried to interrupt but I stopped him.

Mew crouches to the ground and lifts her face up.

"I was unfair to you Lei. I took you for granted as well. You were with me for so long. Listening to my anime rants. Helping me to shop for my toys and even keeping up with my huge sushi appetite. And yet I left you hanging. I hurt you and I didn't get to apologize either. So, I'm sorry too, Lei." He hugged her and she began crying. This is how it’s supposed to be. After all, she deserves to heal too.

"Mew, I want to tell you something I should've told you a long time ago. It's about Aran." There was a change in his expression. It was a name he hasn't heard in a long time and probably never wants to hear again.

"Lei, I don't think we should talk about this anymore."

"No. Please just listen to me. You need to hear this."

Mew was still hesitant but I held his hand. He looked up to me and I gave him a soft smile of encouragement. I want to be the wall he hits on when he runs away. I want to be the one who lets him face his fears. 

"I'm here. We'll go through this together." I looked back to Lei and gave her a nod. She continued to speak as carefully as she could.

"Aran died the night before that video was released. He took his own life because a day before that his little sister died from a complication during surgery. She was almost set for release but it happened last minute. It was in the letter he wrote before he passed away. She was his last family and the only thing keeping him going. His death didn't have anything to do with you Mew. Aran didn't even know that the video existed." 

“That can’t be right. He told me his sister’s condition wasn’t anything serious.” I held him close as his legs collapsed. It must’ve been too much for him.

“I guess he didn’t tell you because he knows you worry a lot.”

“I don’t understand.” He kept saying. He couldn’t handle his own emotions and it left him so restless.

I didn’t know what I could do for him. My heart was breaking knowing that the wounds he stitched up were opening again. But he needs to know the truth.

“You should read this. He wrote a separate letter for you. This should answer your questions and I hope his words get through to you.”

**xxx**

We went to the airport to see Lei off. I insisted for her to say but she refused because she had important things to do. We left her and Mew for a while so they could say their farewells.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to Bangkok with her?”

“Uh. No! Did you forget that I told my mom I was sleeping over at your house? She doesn’t even know I skipped class. She will definitely kill me if she catches me lying!”

“Fine. Just behave yourself.”

“Ha! You won’t get rid of me that easily Kanawut!”

** xxx **

There must be a lot of things going through his head. Mew was silent on our way back to the hotel and Mild was drowning it with his stories.

We were lucky enough to book a room just beside Mew’s. It was a long and exhausting day. Everyone needed the rest.

“I think I should check up on Mew,” I told Mild as soon as I came out of the shower.

“What? Hey, don’t leave me here alone! You know I’m creeped out by hotel rooms!”

“Just turn on the TV. It will scare the ghosts off.”

“Gulf!” I laughed at his frightened face.

“I’ll come back! Chill.”

I went out of the door and proceeded to Mew’s room.

He let me in after I knocked on the door. He only had a towel hanging by his waist while he dries his hair with another towel. I averted my eyes immediately and tried to find something else to distract me.

"Are you feeling better?" He sat on his bed and I followed.

He held the letter in his hand and he was still contemplating whether or not to open it.

"Will you read it with me?" I was surprised by his question.

"It's your private matter. I don't think I should meddle."

"But I want you too."

"Okay." I sat close to him as he opened it. His hand was shaking, afraid of the words breaking him again.

> _Mew,_

> _You dork. The past two months with you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even though half of it was you nagging me about physics and dragging me to comic book stores. This may come as a shock to you. But this has already been on my mind for quite some time. The only thing preventing me was my sister who would have no one if I passed. But now she’s gone and my life serves no purpose anymore. No one needs me and no one will care. Well, maybe you will and that’s why I’m writing this letter to you. I know we didn’t end on a good note. As patient as you are, you’re still hot-headed. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you to cool your head so that we could’ve talked and had one last trip to that expensive ice cream parlor you always liked. But maybe this is for the better. It would be easier to forget me. Please, in no way blame yourself. You were nothing but good to me and I will always cherish the love you gave me. I hope one day you find someone who truly deserves your love because you have so much to give and it does feel very nice to be loved by you. Don’t cry too much for me. And have a good life._

> _Thank you._
> 
> _-Aran_

I waited for a tear to fall on his cheeks. But instead, there was a sad smile plastered on his face. He folded the paper and placed it on the table. He then faced me as he held my hand. His glazed eyes were looking into mine and I couldn’t help but feel my heart beat faster.

“I always thought actions justify everything. And I forgot that words are important as well. Like he said, I’m patient but hot-headed. That day when I saw you with Praew, the negative thoughts I was keeping behind my head suddenly turned into a reality. I was deafened by the pain and I didn’t listen to you. I realized that I did the same mistake as I did back then but it was too late. I’ve already hurt you. Then it was like dejavu. I really thought I would lose you so I ran away, hoping my absence will save you. I’m sorry for everything Gulf. Please give me another chance. I will fix this. I will never leave you again unless you tell me to. I-“

I pulled him for a kiss. He was starting to make promises but I didn’t need that. Having him beside me for a very long time weighs more than what he vows to do.

“You talk too much.” I kissed him again, this time I was forcing his lips to part. I straddled him and slipped my tongue inside his mouth. He tasted like mint but there was a sweetness I know is only his. My fingers laced around his neck, wanting to deepen the connection and to feel the warmth all over my body.

He sneaked his big hands under my shirt and roamed it around my back. His bare chest was so broad and smooth that I couldn’t help but direct my kisses towards it. He slowly lays back as I trailed my lips across his chest.

“Gulf no-“ It was the first time I heard him whimper like this. I sucked on his nipple while brushing my tongue on the tip. Wrapping my lips around it seems almost instinctive.

I felt him growing harder under me. I smiled knowing he was enjoying himself as I do.

I let my hand travel down his waist. The towel is in my way, so, I slid my hand inside it to grab his erect member.

“Gulf are you sure about this?” I can’t count all the times he’s asked the same question. But this was it. I was ready and I won’t let this night end without him being my first.

“Take responsibility, Phi.” I knew exactly what he wanted to hear and it was all it took for him to take the lead.

In a swift move, he changed our positions. He was on top and I lay flat on the bed. He brushed his hair up, revealing his eyes full of lust. I bit my lips knowing I wanted to be devoured all at once.

“Tell Phi what you want.” His sultry voice sent shivers down my spine.

“I want you Phi. All of you.”

We dived into a messy kiss. Our tongues danced with each other, making it hard to catch a breath. He nibbled my lower lip so much that it was left swollen and by the time he let my lip go there was a sting.

“Tonight, you don’t have to do anything. Phi will make you feel good.” I couldn’t protest so I let him do whatever he wanted.

As soon as he took my shirt off, he would sniff my skin before leaving hickeys. It felt so good to be marked his.

His mouth landed on one of my nipples while his fingers rubbed the other.

“Phi.” I felt so sensitive and I couldn’t help but arch my back.

He would put my nipple between his teeth and give it a little bite while pinching the other so hard until I let out a cry.

My trousers and boxers flailed across the room. He was as impatient as I was.

“You’ve been waiting for a long time, haven’t you?” He blew his cold breath on my hard shaft and it made me shiver. I waited for him to make a move but he was only caressing my veins while giving me a smirk.

“Stop teasing me.” My chest kept rising in anticipation.

“What should I do?” I hated how he knew exactly what I wanted but he just wanted me to say it out loud.

“E-eat me Phi.”

He encircled his mouth on my length and started bobbing his head. It was just like the last time. It was still as good.

His tongue and mouth were going places. But nothing made me moan louder than when he licked my entrance. He made me spread my legs wider and he started sucking. I was wet with his love.

“Hold on.” He suddenly left me and went to the bathroom. I was confused but before I could think of anything else he came out with a bottle of shower gel.

“It’s your first time. We need to do this right.” The gel coated his fingers and without warning, he inserted it in me.

“Shit.” I cursed. It was cold and slippery. It was all new to me.

“Still okay?” He was now above me, brushing the sweat off my face.

I nodded. He slid another finger, making me grab his shoulders.

“Ah. Phi please-“ he found my spot and he continuously hit it with his long slender fingers. He enjoyed watching me turn into a mess.

“Please... I want you.” It made me needy. It made me shameless.

He took off his towel and revealed his hard member. He was so big that it scared me for a while.

He dripped the gel all over his length without taking his eyes off me. He wanted me to know what he was about to do.

“There’s no stopping now.”

“I know.”

He positioned himself in front of me and I felt his tip on my entrance. I closed my eyes shut and grabbed on the sheets so tightly. 

Will it hurt? Will I bleed?

"Shh. Relax. It's okay, I'm here." Our eyes met after he kissed my forehead. I never told him this, but he always shined like the sun. He was warm and beautiful.

He pushed himself inside me. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. Little by little he entered and I held on to him with all of my trust.

"Can I move now?"

"Yes." It was more of a whisper but he heard it loud and clear.

His thrust gradually became faster when my groans turned to moans. He was so thick and I kept tightening around him.

"P’Mew, more. Faster." The look on his face seems like he was still holding back. But I didn't want that. I wanted him to give me everything.

His eyes turned dark, he wanted the same thing too. "My pleasure."

He threw both my legs on his shoulder and pulled me by the waist. He vigorously rammed himself in me, making me loose as each growl escaped his lips.

So this is what pain and pleasure could bring. It's addictive. It's magical.

He bended with my legs almost touching my shoulders. He was reaching in deeper and I just know I'm about to release.

I grabbed his face to look at his hungry eyes. There can't be anyone else but him. He was the only one I wanted. No one else.

"I love you." I blurted out in the heat of the moment.

We both froze. Perhaps we were both unsure if we heard the same thing.

"What?" I hated repeating myself so I pulled him for a kiss instead.

He reciprocated while hitting my spot much harder than before.

"I love you too."

It was intense. His hands marked on my waist as he repeatedly slammed me on his groin. We were both near our limit. We were at the peak.

"Fuck!" I feel his warm load fill me up and I was covered in my own cum too.

He pulled out and fell on top of me. Only our heavy breaths filled the air. I never felt so satisfied in my life and to think he would be the one who can give it to me is still baffling.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His concerns could get a little bit annoying but I wasn’t going to lie to myself. I miss his unnecessary worries.

“I’m not that fragile. I can handle you.” He snickered at my confidence. He must have known that I barely survived what he has done to me.

“Then shall we go for round two?”

“I’ll fucking kick you if you touch me. Geez, take it easy. It’s my first time.” I don’t even know if I could move at my current state and yet he’s proposing such absurd ideas.

“I’m joking! I’ll let you rest and maybe tomorrow we can do it again-“

“Mew!” I scolded him but he laughed.

“Fine! Let’s just clean up. I’ll carry you to the bathroom.”

He lifted me with one arm under my legs and the other supporting my back. I didn’t know why it made me blush, but it really felt like I was a bride that just got married.

“Don’t you dare try anything.”

“Yes. Yes.” I wasn’t worried about the things he might do, but rather, I was worried that I might not be able to resist him and end up regretting the body ache later.

He filled up the bathtub with warm water. He got in first then I followed, laying my back against his chest.

I comfortably rest my head on him while he entangled his fingers in my locks. I love how he plays with my hair.

“I’m sorry again Gulf. I was a coward and I left. But I don’t want to be that person anymore.” Some people say you should change for the person you love. But I beg to differ. I think you should change with the people you love and be better together.

“I don’t want to be a coward anymore too. Maybe we can be brave side by side.” I was never a person who keeps love poems in his pocket. I don’t know what sounds romantic and what doesn’t. But one thing is for sure, the words I’m telling him comes from my heart.

“We both ran away. We’ve acted too foolishly. But what’s important is we found each other again. Some people wouldn’t be so lucky but life gave us a chance.”

“Did you mean it?” He kissed me on the shoulders.

“What?”

“When you said you loved me. Did you mean it?”

My cheeks heated up. Why do those three words make me shy?

“Yes. I don’t joke about things like that.”

“Well then look at me and say it again.” I could feel his heartbeat behind me. Was he feeling nervous too?

“Gulf.” I looked behind my shoulders and he was there waiting for me to say it... to make it official.

“I love you.” He was about to cry and I could feel the same emotions too.

“I love you too.”

We kissed. And every time we do, it gets sweeter than before. Love had finally found me.

"But I swear to god... if you ever leave me like that again I will strap you in a leash."

"I didn’t know you have those kinds of kinks, but I want to be tied to you for the rest of my life." I hit his stomach with my elbow to stop his filthy mouth.

“Stop being a pervert.”

The warm water surrounded our bodies but I felt the temperature start to rise when he didn’t stop leaving butterfly kisses on the back of my neck and shoulders.

“Mew, Don’t tell me—“ Something hard was hitting my back.

“You’re getting hard too... See?” I flinched when he snaked his fingers around my shaft. This is what I was worried about. Failing to resist temptation.

“Yes.” I moaned loudly. He stroked me and I threw my head back. I could feel my precum being pumped.

“I’ll be more gentle this time. I promise.”

“Fine!” It was as if I was forced to agree with his relentless libido. But I let him take charge of the night. I let him lead me to an unending bliss.

**xxx**

Mild wasn’t speaking to me at all. But it was hard to take him seriously with his pouty lips and the way he is crossing his arms on his chest like a child throwing tantrums.

“Why is he so sulky?” Mew whispered.

“He got mad because I didn’t go back to our room last night and he was scared shitless.” I felt bad for laughing at Mild’s mission of making me guilty but he was just too funny.

“There were weird sounds coming from the other room! I couldn’t sleep! And now you’re sending me back to Bangkok alone?!” He stomped his feet in anger.

“The sounds were probably from me and Gulf. We had a long night after all.” Mew winked at me.

“Mew shut up!”

“Oh my god! Too much information!” Mild covered his ears upon realizing that the noises he heard from the room next door were us doing explicit things.

“I’m still pissed you’re letting me fly by myself! You know how scared I am of flying! And how do I get back home?!” He was getting too serious at this point and I knew I needed to make amends.

“Fine. Your lunch is on me for a month.”

“I’m not some cheapo who gets swayed by that.”

“How about Praew picks you up at the airport and you two can have a date together?”

“Praew?!” I knew Mew would be flabbergasted by the news.

“Yeah. I think Mild has a little crush on her. They’ve been talking a lot lately.”

“Gulf, I- What the hell that’s not true! We... Damn it we’re just friends! Stop making an issue!” His unusual stutter and his tomato red face gave it away.

If I would entrust Praew to anyone. It would be Mild. He is a bit crazy and all over the place but his heart was true.

“I better just go! You’ll just keep teasing me anyway!” He was still mad but he gave me and Mew his warm hug.

“Bye!” He shouts and headed toward the airport entrance.

“I’ll call Praew to pick you up! I also sent her number to you so you can contact her!” Mild just waved his hand without turning around. But for sure, he was smiling.

**xxx**

_“Isn’t it amazing that we could see the day end and watch it start over again? Like it’s telling us that we could start on a clean slate every day.”_

The last time I watched the sunset by the cape, tears were flowing in my eyes. I was only holding on to a single string of hope. It was him. He was my hope and the words he left me.

Now I’m with him. We were watching the vermilion sky, lavishly spreading out its warmth and reassurance that there is always a tomorrow. 

“When I said I wanted to see the sunset with you, what I really meant was... I want to start over with you.” He told me while holding my hands tightly. His brown eyes were made more evident with the sun shining on them.

“Will you stay with me forever? No matter how hard life could be?”

Nothing lasts forever. Everything has a life span. An expiry date. Even Stephen Hawking suggests that nothing lasts forever in the universe. But just once, I wanted to believe it. Like those dumb cringey lovers do. Yes, I wanted to believe it as long as it was with him.

Starting over again is a blessing even when there is an inevitable struggle.

“Yes, I will.”

**xxx**

**xxx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it?
> 
> I was about to cry in the coffee shop when I wrote the ending. This is my baby and it’s coming to an end. 
> 
> There will be an epilogue! Please stay tuned for that final part! 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading!
> 
> Please check out my twitter account @SUPPAkei8 . Sometimes i spontaneously write AUs there. I will be posting it here too but at a later time. 
> 
> My next project is Where The Sunflowers Rest. I hope you can support it as well! 
> 
> Check out my other works too!
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL! YOU ALL MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!! THANK YOU ❤️


	14. Epilogue

☀️🌻

_“I don’t love you anymore, Gulf.”_

_“You don’t get to say that.”_

_“Goodbye.”_

_“Wait. Mew! Where are you going?!”_

Gulf spontaneously sat up. The beating of his heart was too erratic and cold sweat was rolling from his head.

“Mew?” He called again but the space beside him was already empty.

He threw his head back to the pillow. It’s only the first year of college but him moving in with his boyfriend might have been a mistake.

It wasn’t because Mew was a little less organized than him. He can accept it. Even when he curses at him every time he falls on the floor because of an unseen t-shirt laying around.

It also wasn’t because of the obnoxious toy collection Mew had. By this time, he has gotten used to him adding more to it every single month.

It was because moving in together might have been too suffocating for Mew and he is starting to get sick of seeing him every day.

The very stressful final exam has just finished and all he wanted was to be spooned and cuddled by his clingy boyfriend and yet, this past few weeks he hasn’t touched him nor has he spoken more than 3 sentences. He has never been distant before and his current actions has instilled doubt in Gulf.

They both chose different courses. Mew went on to study mechatronics engineering for the simple reason of making a cool robot suit like Ironman or maybe, an actual Bat Mobile. If he didn’t have a brain to match the course he had chosen, Gulf would’ve immediately thought it was a childish and stupid idea.

Gulf on the other hand took a course that would benefit him the most. Business Administration. It was all he’s ever known. From a young age, he’s been dragged to business meetings. He listened attentively even when it didn’t make sense. He wanted to please his father even when it was difficult to love him. Now, he has to put an end to it. He wanted to be his own man. But the truth is, he didn’t know what he wanted so he took advantage of what he’s used to.

However, no matter how smart he was, he still didn’t expect that college would take all his energy and give him so much pressure. He was in the science class in high school. He graduated with flying colors. He was above average smart. And so he couldn’t understand how a simple job at a café would affect his academic performance.

“Time to get up Gulf.” He told himself as he stared at the quiet surrounding.

He decided to take a job at the café as soon as he started college. He wanted to save up for himself and eventually stop relying on his spiteful father.

His father still doesn’t have any idea about the relationship he has with Mew. He was never around nor did he really care about him. But he was sure that when that day comes he would make him choose between money or love. And Gulf wouldn’t even think twice about choosing the later.So now, he is preparing himself to be free.

Mew didn’t doubt that he could work and study at the same time but he was worried about the physical stress it could bring.

_“Don’t even think about giving me money.”_

_“I’m not. I just don’t want you to burnout in your freshman year.”_

_“I’m sure I can handle it.”_ Gulf swore by it but he might have bitten off more than he could chew.

☀️🌻

“Oh, my cute employee! Since you came here I've had more customers! I'll give you a bonus, just don't tell the others, okay?” The café owner whispered to him at the counter. He doubted that the increase in customers was due to him. He doesn’t consider himself a good-looking nor a charming man after all. But still, he was thankful.

“Guppie!” He didn’t even need to raise his head to know who the annoying loud voice belongs to.

“Mild, shut up! We’re in a café!”

“But no one is here and they’re about to close.”

“That’s not the point! Gulf, I’m sorry.” Praew shook her head and covered Mild’s mouth to stop him from talking.

Gulf still couldn’t believe that his two best friends ended up together. It was an odd pairing but they seemed happy and it looked like nothing has changed. He suddenly felt a little jealous.

“Here, it’s on me.”

“Yey! Free food!” Mild grabs the muffin and started munching.

“Isn’t Mew picking you up on your last day of work?”

“He’s too busy modeling. It would probably be a waste of time for him to fetch me. It might even be a waste of time for him to be around me.” Gulf scoffed and clenched on the fork.

Mew was stopped on the street one day by an agent who was looking for fresh faces to model. It was Gulf who convinced him to accept the offer. He was so happy that things were falling into place for Mew especially after what he’s been through for the past couple of years. He gladly supported and took care of him. And in return, Mew would always be by his side. He was overprotective and clingy. Gulf often acts like it annoys him but it felt like a reward. Mew’s love was his reward.

“Did you guys fight?”

“I don’t know. He rarely talks to me. How the hell should I know?!” Praew leaned closer to Mild and looked at Gulf’s agitated face.

“Why didn’t you scold him when he just shouted.” Mild whispered with his mouth full. Praew hissed at him and slapped his knee.

"I told him to stay away during hell week. But that was over weeks ago! He hasn't talked to me since."

"Well, you're really scary during exam week. Very irritable too. It feels like you could bite off a person's head when you're disturbed." Mild says mindlessly.

"Excuse me?!"

Mild grabs Praew's hand hoping she would save him from a very unamused Gulf.

"What Mild is saying is you might have hurt his feelings when you pushed him away."

"He isn't the type of person who would take that personally. I've always been that way. He understands me."

"He might, but do you understand him? When was the last time you asked him how he felt?" Gulf looked at Praew confused.

"Remember, he's a university student too. He's working as well. That day you might have hit a nerve that made him ignore you." He was trying to process what Praew was saying. Mew isn't someone who would just stop talking out of the blue. _Did I hurt him that bad?_

"When we were together, we didn't really fight because we understood each other as friends. We let things slide because we only saw each other as friends. But now you have to understand Mew as a lover. You would easily be in pain because it's your love that you're hurting. That's the whole reason why you're here getting so worked up about it." Gulf fell silent. He couldn't get a word out because he felt embarrassed getting love advice from Praew.

"I know you're feeling shy about this talk. But he is your first love. You will last. I'm pretty sure you're for each other."

"But first love doesn't last, right? An article said that it rarely works since couples are often too young, inexperienced and they expect too much. But-"

"Mild! Shut up!" This time Praew shouted.

But it was too late. Gulf's tears already fell on his cheeks.

"Gulf are you okay?" Praew and Mild were caught by surprise by his reaction.

"Am I crying?" Gulf asked as if he had no idea why he was suddenly feeling emotional.

"I need to leave early. I- See you soon." Gulf stood up and left. Praew and Mild looked at each other while trying to understand what just happened.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Look at what you did!"

"But I wasn't even finished! I was about to tell him that the good news is, according to statistics those who are married to their first love are less likely to leave their partner ever! 97% of them even said they will stay with their partner until their dying days! So you see, first love does last!" Praew hit her boyfriend's head in frustration.

"Well, you could've started with that!"

☀️🌻

Gulf's mind was filled with regrets and blame. _I was too selfish. I was too inconsiderate. I've hurt him and now I might not end up with my first love. It's all my fault. Did I just destroy us?_

"Are you okay?" Gulf didn't notice that he arrived home and that Mew was in front of him with concerned eyes.

His eyes widened. He didn't want Mew to see him at his state so he ran to their shared room.

_No. No._ Gulf looked at himself in the mirror. He was in a disarray. His eyes were red and his hair was a mess.

_Pathetic Gulf. You're so pathetic._

"Gulf what happened?" Mew entered the room, still worried upon seeing his lover in distress.

"Fuck! Just get out!" Gulf felt more embarrassed. He was pissed at himself for not locking the door.

"Fine! You always do this! You keep pushing me away!" Mew was at his limit. His anger was too big to hide.

"It's not like you're the only one having problems here! Not everything is about you Gulf! Not--"

"Is it really true? First love doesn't really last?"

"What?"

"Tell me! Does it really not last?!" Gulf sat and their bed and started sobbing.

Mew ran to his side and enveloped him in his arms. He has never seen him like this before and he was starting to feel bad for possibly being the reason why he was in pain.

"Mine didn’t, so, I couldn't answer that for you." He moved the strands of his hair away from his face and wiped the tears with his thumb.

"But please tell me yours will.” It wasn’t a secret that he was Gulf’s first love. He carelessly mentioned it one drunk night. Mew wanted him to say it again when he was sober. And while Gulf strongly refused to, he finally admitted it when all Mew did that day was sulk and have a sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was so mean to you and now it scares me so much to think that I might be the reason why you gave up on us.”

“Hey, where did you even get that outrageous idea?”

“It’s been weeks Mew. You’re distant. You wouldn’t even look at me.”

"I wasn't planning to talk to you since you clearly hated my presence. It felt like you hated me. It wasn’t just because of that day. I could see it in your eyes Gulf. When I tell you about my day or the things I’ve been up to, you barely listen. It’s like you’re not happy for me. And I know you’re working and studying hard but I want to go home to someone who wants to listen."

Gulf thought he wouldn’t notice. He thought if he smiled enough while listening to Mew getting his life together it would show him that he feels ecstatic for him too.

“I’m happy for you. I’m proud, to say the least. You’ve gone through so much now look at you... You’re modelling, you’re making friends and you’re having so much fun. The person I’m not happy for is myself. I’m not proud of myself. I’m disappointed. You know what you want while I’m here, not even sure if I took the right path. You’re the only right thing I’ve done up to this point. So, I’m sorry. And I’m selfishly asking you to be more patient with me because I don’t know what I’ll do if my first love wouldn’t last.”

Mew gently placed his hand on the back of his head and kissed his forehead. His hair still smells like lavender. It was his comfort scent.

“I forgive you. I won’t go anywhere unless you tell me to. So please talk to me. No matter how embarrassed you feel just tell me everything. We’ll realize your dream together and we’ll find what works. Just trust me a little more, okay?”

Mew cradled him in his arms like he was the most fragile thing in the world. Gulf took care of himself for most of his life and now that he’s here, he wants to be the one to take care of him.

Mew grabbed his chin and placed a kiss on his lips. Gulf’s eyes were red but it didn’t hide how much he wanted him.

He forcibly pinned him on the bed as he positioned himself on top of him.

“Wait. I haven’t showered yet and—“ He tried to get him off him because he was all sweaty. But Gulf couldn’t care less. He slipped his hands under his shirt and sucked on his neck.

“I will let you do whatever you want to me. I will even go as far as wearing that maid costume you’ve been begging me to try on. But I want it now. I need you now.”

Mew’s eyes changed and smirked at his lover’s irresistible deal. He switched their positions and hovered over him.

“Well, I guess you’re lucky today is your last day at work because you won’t leave this house any moment soon.”

Gulf giggled and pulled him for a kiss. The fact that he missed him so much made him easily melt into their touches.

_I will make this last. We will make this last._

Love is complex and confusing. AP Calculus problems are way less complicated because there are known steps. There’s a procedure. Relationships on the other hand make you feel stupid. Stupid actions lead to stupid arguments and end up in a pride-swallowing reconciliation. But love is exciting. It’s unpredictable and therefore there’s no single guide to get you through it. And while Gulf appreciates his routine, schedules and organization, he can’t deny that Mew, their relationship, and their future is the incalculable adventure he needs and would never exchange anything for.

End.

☀️🌻

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I close this book.
> 
> This has opened my heart to writing again. It will always hold a special place in my heart.
> 
> Thank you for your kind words. I really love and appreciate you all. I say this a lot but I seriously mean it.
> 
> See you in my other stories?
> 
> Bye!
> 
> p.s.
> 
> I’m sorry for the late replies. But rest assured, I will reply to everyone.
> 
> -Kei


End file.
